Not excited about pregnancy after miscarriages

[SassyLilacHedgehog]

I’m 12 weeks pregnant and not excited at all. I’ve had 5 previous miscarriages with the most recent making it to 8 weeks and the whole time I was so excited (despite the previous losses). It was the furthest I had gotten and I had such a good feeling about it just to loose it.
I thought I would be excited again this time but I don’t and I don’t feel connected to the baby or the pregnancy and I’m worried that it’ll continue after the baby’s born or whether I’m going to have post natal depression or even reject the baby altogether.

Has anyone else felt this way?

I only had two previous miscarriages, but if made me paranoid my entire pregnancy so I can only imagine what you’re going through. It’s a safety mechanism of detachment.
for me at about 20 weeks I started to feel a bit more settled, but tbh was concerned right up to about 34 weeks and then I started to relax.
everything’s going to change when baby arrives. How you feel now I’ll have no impact on then. Wishing you the best in your pregnancy

I think you are protecting yourself, just incase you miscarry again, and that maybe deep down you don't believe it might really be happening.

I think when you get to the stage of him/her kicking then the excitement might kick in.

I think when your baby is placed in your arms all your worries / concerns will fly out the window.

I’ve been there. I hear you. I too lost 5 before my first. It is such a heartbreaking thing to go through but you are clearly very strong for keeping on trying. Have faith.
At 12 weeks the likelihood of miscarriage significantly drops and as time goes by you will start to have more confidence in your little bean growing inside you xx
I still was nervous to the end… but she made it! I hope this is the time it happens for you. Sending you big hugs 🤗 be kind to yourself, you’re going through a lot xx

I haven’t experienced a pregnancy loss( so sorry that you have) but when i was pregnant I didn’t really feel connected to baby until I was around 21-22 weeks and I started to feel him moving and the anatomy scan had been done. I didn’t even feel pregnant.
It’s really common and self preservation in a way.

Not feeling excited so early on is not going to have an impact on your feelings to baby further on. If you continue to feel this way, discuss with your midwife- they have support available.

I think it’s normal. I had four losses between DD and DS. I have no recollection of telling my husband, sister or parents I was pregnant with him, because I suppose subconsciously I assumed it wouldn’t work out and didn’t want to invest emotionally iyswim. I didn’t break out the maternity wear until I was literally busting out of my normal clothes, I didn’t buy anything until probably about 28w (although tbf I had a lot from DD), and every time people would talk about me going on ML or having the baby I would add the caveat in my head, “hopefully/if it’s all ok”. When I was being prepared for my section I started crying on the anaesthetist because it was just this intense combination of stress and relief, I could hardly believe it was happening and I was about to have this longed for baby.

When he arrived I was anxious for a bit, but it didn’t stop me bonding with him. It was with my first successful pregnancy with DD that I was actually diagnosed with Postnatal Anxiety; this time round I was ok despite the fact that I was probably quite vulnerable with my MH and obstetric history. The help I got after DD was great and tbf anyone I have known with pre or postnatal MH issues has always been taken really seriously and treated quickly. Be honest with yourself and if you’re having persistent low mood or intrusive thoughts let your midwife know. You will get help. Wishing you all the best x

I had 3 miscarriages before my successful pregnancy. I didn't feel any excitement as I didn't really believe the pregnancy would result in a baby. Later in my pregnancy when I had my introductory meeting with my health visitor I said to her that I wasn't feeling positive or excited. I also felt bleak and like I had a grey weight on me and I was worried this meant that I would have postnatal depression, and that I couldn't feel a bond with the baby. HV told me that how I felt was fairly common with women who'd had multiple miscarriages.

My mood didn't lift until DD was born and I could see for myself that she was alive and well. The minute they laid her on me my grey cloud lifted and I felt totally bonded with her. It was such a relief after months of trudging through pregnancy.

I saw this at first and thought I wrote it! I’m on number six as well, after 5 miscarriages in 2 years (no kids) and I’m really struggling. I’m only 7 weeks based on my scan (8.5 based on last period) and I just can’t be convinced I’m going to give birth. I did test positive for natural killers after the last one and am on steroids, progesterone, and blood thinners for good measure but it still just feels like guesswork and I’m so worried my body is working against me again.

Close family and friends know and they’re all so annoying positive, especially after we saw a heartbeat and it just makes me want to cry. I don’t have good advice, just letting you know you’re not alone. I have set up some counselling sessions with a pregnancy specialist which I’m hoping will help me and maybe would help you as well? I feel like no one I talk to gets it and it’s quite an isolating feeling.

I had one MMC and the pregnancy anxiety was/is crazy!! Pregnancy after loss is a bitch. I only managed to 'relax' when I hit the third trimester for a week and now that I'm 37 weeks I started freaking out about delivery, so it never ends 😂

I started buying things for the baby at 30 weeks, most of my friends started in their first trimester.

Please, try to take it easy. Day after day after day after day. Your feelings are perfectly normal and valid. It's probably a coping mechanism for you too.

Wishing you an easy pregnancy and delivery and a super healthy baby!

I’m sorry about your losses.
I haven’t had any miscarriages but didn’t really feel excited until the baby was here. It felt more real in the third trimester when I could feel lots of movement, but even then I just couldn’t picture actually having a baby.

I think it’s very common and normal, I’ve had no problem bonding once the baby is here, and no PND. I actually have two DC and felt the same second time round as well - in disbelief until the baby was here.

Pregnancy is a difficult time anyway, you don’t need to feel guilty about not feeling connected to the baby.

I really didn't bond with my baby until she was a few weeks old 😞 I didn't have any previous losses, so I came on here to say that whatever you are feeling or not feeling is ok. Don't pressure yourself that you are "supposed" to be feeling a certain way. My daughter is 23 now and I adore her and she me💕

Not quite the same thing, but I had 2 miscarriages and then couldn't cope with the anxiety with the 3rd pregnancy. I had hypnotherapy and it instantly changed how I felt (but a gentle change in that I just realised the anxiety wasn't there any more rather than suddenly making me feel completely different if that makes sense). It might be worth considering if you want a different brain state.
Fingers crossed for you that this pregnancy works out.

I think this is a fair response. My DC took over 4 years to conceive and my very close family member suffered 7 miscarriages. I didn't feel relief until I held my baby in my arms, we didn't even put up the bassinet until I was admitted to hospital as we didn't want to jinx it. Obviously try to enjoy things, but I understand

I'm nearly 38 weeks and don't particularly feel connected to the baby. I didn't in my last two pregnancies either but it didn't affect anything once they arrived. I might be weird though!

All I mean is, don't give it another thought. You've been through a lot.

It's a common feeling to have I think, I'm 21 weeks and only now after having an anatomy scan done in detail by a consultant (they thought the baby may have a club foot so I was referred) am I starting to feel just a little bit excited/optimistic. That feeling gets quashed by the other side of my brain telling me things can still go wrong it's such a horrible time. It took us 12 years of IVF and 2 miscarriages so believing it's happening is really hard. I have found the anxiety is less intense now though than the early stages especially as I've started to feel movement now and again. Hang in there it will get easier

I think so too.

Also, if you do get pnd there is lots of help
Available xx