PTSD after childbirth and terrified of going through it again

[Sunglow1921]

Two years ago I gave birth to my first dc. I was admitted to hospital for observation as there were concerns about the baby’s growth. While in hospital, I went into labour naturally overnight. Long story short, I was not believed, there was no monitoring or pain relief. I was shouted at when I pressed the call button and I ended up going through labour alone on the ward. Luckily, when I had to start pushing a student midwife was walking past and called for help. The baby and I were both healthy and the explanation I received afterwards was that I have a high pain threshold so they didn’t think I was in labour.

I struggled with flashbacks for a few months and considered contacting PALS but ultimately decided it was better to just move on.

I still thought about it occasionally, especially when news broke of maternity failures that led to mothers and babies dying. I realised that our story could have ended very differently.

Now I am pregnant again and I think I might be suffering from PTSD. The other day I suddenly broke down crying uncontrollably at the thought of having to go through labour in hospital again. I regret not complaining at the time because I don’t even know why I wasn’t believed when I said I was in labour or what I’m supposed to do differently this time. It’s quite possible that my dh won’t be with me due to childcare and I will end up alone again. This terrifies me.

I tried to speak about my first birth at the booking in appointment but the response I got was ‘so you and the baby were fine in the end, right?’. My dh doesn’t understand why I wanted to get pregnant if I feel this way. But I thought I was fine before the reality of having to give birth again kicked in.

I don’t know what to do or who to speak to. I will give birth in a different hospital so maybe it will be better. But I’m still scared. What should I do?

@Sunglow1921 I have no advice as I am 38 weeks pregnant with my first, what you went through is awful!

I am not sure on the way to go about this but my friend had a traumatic birth and had a discussion about it with midwives where everything was explained to her and it has helped her feel better? Also maybe see if they can refer you to some sort of counselling/Labour therapy if that is a thing? Sorry but I don’t know if it is.

So sorry you are going through this it is such a scary time anyway let alone with a traumatic past experience 💐

What a terrible experience to have! You must have been in so much pain and to suffer this alone is horrible, not wonder you have PTSD. I don’t understand why the midwives would brush this off, maybe if they are linked to the hospital they feel obligated to stand up for their coworkers and not accept blame?

Is there anyone else that can watch the children on the day you give birth? It would be so much better for your mental health if your partner (or mother/father?) is present to be on your side to hold your hand, and to call the midwives if you need them. They would also be able to explain to the midwives at the new hospital about your high pain threshold and that they need to check how far a long you are regularly.

I really hope you have a better experience this time round, good luck OP.

I’m so sorry this was your experience, and I totally empathise. I wasn’t listened to through my first labour and was sent home (which meant my baby was almost born in an ambulance because things escalated shortly after starting the drive home). I’m almost full term with my second and I’ve done a lot of work on trying to prepare myself for different scenarios, thinking about how I could feel more in control at each stage and trying to almost pre empt how I could feel in situations which weren’t ’ideal.’ I’ve found it really helpful so far and definitely feel calmer now than I thought I would at this point.

best of luck 🩷

This just makes me so angry. This time around you won't be brushed off as ' first time mum' ignore her attitude from the healthcare professionals.

Be strong, be assertive. If you think you are in a labour TELL them (kindly) but firmly.
If you want pain relief TELL them (kindly) but firmly like the above
If you think something isn't right TELL them....:

See where in going with this?

Use your voice and speak up. You know your body and you have done it before so you can be even more sure of yourself this time. Have you looked into a doula as your husband may not be able to be there ?

Hi op

I also had PTSD after my first birth due to hospital failings. I ended up with a EMCS which could have been prevented, and was treated like an animal on postnatal ward during lockdown.

The difference is I had a very long process with PALS afterwards. So as soon as I walked into my booking appt with my second pregnancy, the midwife had read my notes and offered up all help available.

I would contact the midwifery team urgently, ask to be assigned to a different midwife, and ask to be referred to your perinatal mental health team. They will takk to you about how you feel, but also make a birth plan with you so the staff will be aware of what kind of things trigger you.

My second birth experience was a lot better and very healing. But only because I made a fuss and got a lot of extra support.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I can't imagine how difficult that must've been and your midwife this time round sounds like she doesn't appreciate the failings of the midwives at your first birth.

Have you considered/are you able to afford a doula? Especially if you may be facing having to give birth alone.

I’m sorry your first birth was so awful.

I also ended up with PTSD after my first birth. I was referred in my second pregnancy to the perinatal mental health team. This meant I was under consultant led care.

Part of me wanted to go through labour again as I didn’t cope well previously. However, everyone around me told me to have a c-section - which I did for my anxiety and because of the PTSD. The idea was that I didn’t go into labour. It did end bring emergency rather than the calm planned one as DC2 came early but was a much better experience.

Because I was under the mental health team, I also had a mental health midwife and we ran through birth plans for both scenarios of my planned C-section, and also what would happen in the event I went into labour, and for whatever reason was unable to have a section.

Happy to talk through any of my experiences and approach to it if you want to send me a DM.

I felt traumatised by my first birth as I went in at 3 cm and shot to 10 in 20 mins and no one believed I was in labour until they finally checked then it was all rush and panic. During my 2nd pregnancy I talked to the midwife and then went in to talk to an official one at the hospital with all my birth notes and we went through it in detail to what to note down for next birth. I also decided on a home birth which was great and all went smoothly. It's all at your pace and the midwives trust your body entirely. Currently expecting my 3rd and will be having a home birth again.

My advice. Empower yourself. Dont rely on healthcare professionals it is your body and baby. Learn learn learn. Positive birth company has an amazing hypno birthing course teaching you how to recognise the stages of labour and mamagment etc.
I did it and spent most of my labour with my DH with only intermittent checks and they came once pushing started.

I loved being 'alone' and the privacy in a dark candlelit room with snacks and home comforts. And Positive birth company made that possible for me. I wouldn't wish a hospital birth on anyone - unless medically necessary. Midwife led was fantastic for me even classed as 'high risk' I spent my pregnancy learning and enpowering myself. So I didn't feel the need to act helpless when labour started. Knowledge is power.

Find out about your hospital "birth reflections service" tbh going to PALS may be the way forward seeing as though the MW has brushed aside your concerns - yet again not listened to.

Are you able to pay privately for EMDR therapy? This is supposed to be very effective in helping PTSD and is recommended by NICE following birth trauma. Unfortunately it is difficult to get through the NHS and often very long waiting lists if it is an option.

I had a terrible experience with my first baby There's a real difference with the second though. For a start you are more knowledgeable and able to speak up for yourself. I was totally ready with baby number two and quite determined not to have a repeat experience. However like you, I gave birth in a different hospital and without DH. Couldn't have been more different though. Try to speak to someone at the hospital about your concerns. Could you try to arrange childcare so that your partner could support you when the time comes? Might make it easier all round.

I am really sorry this has happened to you. I am expecting my first and to be honest I am very worried about being neglected so we are actually considering giving birth privately and abroad.
If I was you I would have told whoever in the ward didn’t want to provide assistance that if they refuse to provide care I would scream so much and so loud that the windows will fall out.
healthcare in the UK is absolutely horrible, we deserve so much better as people.
coming from someone who has been mistreated greatly in life and having broken the circle..whenever you raise a concern, if it is dismissed, either confront the situation or disengage and move on to someone else for help, but never leave your needs and concerns ignored. That is never an option these people are dealt. You are NOT some sort of underground rat from the sewers to be walked over (!) Accept nothing less than decency.
I hope it goes well💚

Thank you for all the replies and encouragement. It’s upsetting that so many of us have gone through traumatic birth experiences.

I have looked into hiring a doula but I couldn’t find one locally that would be present at the birth, it’s more support with birth plans etc. My mum will be around to help but so far she has been reluctant to stay with my eldest dc on her own, so depending on when I go into labour, my husband might have to stay at home (She doesn’t want to do bedtime with dc for example).

I am also considering a planned c section, but again, if my dh was with me it would be fine. Somehow I think I’d feel more vulnerable having a c section on my own.

I’m seriously thinking of going to a hospital out of my area and moving my antenatal care there too. Last time I saw a different midwife at almost every appointment and I think I need a more personal approach that doesn’t seem to be offered in my area.

I did actually do all those things. My plan went out the window when I had to be admitted to hospital for observation. I wonder if I hadn’t done my breathing exercises or used the tens machine and just screamed for help, maybe someone would have come.

In the end I did have a natural birth as I wanted, but I could have done without being ignored, shouted at and left exhausted on my own on a ward. I begged them to call my husband at one point and was told that they wouldn’t until I was in labour. It was actually very scary for him too as no one gave him an update, he showed up to visit me to find the bed gone and all my stuff on the floor. Another patient filled him in on what had happened.

I am actually quite proud of having managed to give birth with minimal help. But when I get flashbacks they’re of the midwife who screamed at me to stop calling them, of the one who kept telling me that I wasn’t in labour after examining me in the dark (didn’t want to switch on the light on the ward), of being told to go to sleep and not to disturb the other patients. No matter how much you prepare ahead, you’re still vulnerable in those moments. And being alone, dismissed and ignored when you can’t completely stand up for yourself because of pain and exhaustion is not great.

Don’t worry about that reply Op. No amount of hypnobirthing would have prevented me having to have 2 c sections.

I had a planned c section the second time (as baby was transverse) and I felt a lot better about being in control of the birth. It’s actually the anaesthetist that is most by your side during the birth. Both of mine were excellent.

It's so true, what you said. All the prep in the world doesn't give you the support you need. A handhold, a smile, a few kind words are priceless.
You did amazingly well by yourself.
The people around you needed to be kinder.
Be kind to yourself now. It was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done differently to change the way people treated you at the time.
Know this time it will be different because those people will not be there.
I would advise you to book a home birth. You will be assigned 2 midwifes and should see them only for all checks at your own home.
I if things change, you need to go hospital, they will go with you.

Hugs x

@sunglow1921 exactly the same thing happened to me (bar the screaming to stop calling). I completely understand why you're scared, I would be too! It was horrible coaching myself through labour while being dismissed by the midwife on the antenatal ward, although my husband was there and did what he could! I was consistently told that I wasnt in labour, was too coherent, and wouldnt be where I thought I was and any exams would set me back (despite being montiored on and off on the machines and they could SEE my contractions). I thought the woman I saw it happen to 12 hours before and I were the only ones but this thread makes me so sad to see thats not the case!

It is highly unlikely (not because of this though) that I'll be lucky enough to have a second, but I've got a birth reflection booked with a midwife from the hospital to go over what happened, how I feel, and what could be done differently if there was a next time. I'm looking forward to it as I'm hoping it will help me understand why it happened like it did, and it might stop me reliving it every week or so when I'm trying to sleep (this is improving though, it was every night when I was first home).

Definitely look into a birth reflection, and see if you can speak to a mental health midwife - they should be able to work with you and the hospital to ensure you have a better experience this time. Sending lots of love, I can only imagine how hard this is! X

You've had a really difficult experience, no wonder you are feeling awful now, it's completely understandable so please be very kind to yourself.

EMDR is excellent for processing this kind of thing - and for PTSD stemming from one specific incident like this can be effective very rapidly. I'd suggest going private, you may only need a few sessions.

You can heal from this - remember though that the trauma will be impacting how you think and feel in very specific ways and it might be a good idea to have specialist help to work through that. Wishing you well.

I’m sorry you had such a rubbish experience. Lots of good suggestions here. I’d definitely look into birth reflections and whether you can access EMDR. My experience is that second time round, you have to really emphasise how much it affected you and if you’re lucky, at least some of the staff will take it on board - some will attempt to dismiss you and it’s not a bad idea to have someone to advocate for you or to be prepared to challenge that dismissal.

Tell the midwives your previous experience was traumatic and you have flashbacks - they may refer you to the perinatal mental health team. My experience was that many MH professionals are very keen to avoid the term PTSD - I had symptoms consistent with post-natal PTSD like you, but wasn’t formally diagnosed, and I lost count of how many MH professionals were more interested in telling me I couldn’t self-diagnose PTSD or argue with me about why I couldn’t have found the experience traumatic, than actually focus on whether they could help at all.

I found a clear birth preferences document was helpful, as then I could shove it at people nearer the time without having to constantly explain. I was lucky enough to see the same community midwife at every appointment (different area), which really helped.

Would you prefer a homebirth? Or an ELCS? Or a better hospital experience, maybe in an on-site midwife led unit?

I would also focus on doing everything possible to make sure your husband is there if your mum is being difficult. Can you find a babysitter to build up a relationship with your DC, who might be willing to be on call? Do you use a childminder or a nursery? Some nursery staff might be willing to babysit out of hours? Just knowing you have some resilience can help - we had helpful family but at a distance, and I had three people on standby (childminder, neighbour, fellow school mum) just in case.

The Birth Trauma Association has a closed Facebook page, which can be a good option for peer support and suggestions.

Midwives can be so unprofessional and unpleasant. It makes you wonder what happens in the hospital that turns people who wanted to care and support women into such uncaring staff.

I agree with others to do as much as you can to prepare yourself