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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Boyfriend becoming distant and confused in pregnancy

7 replies

es2711 · 07/02/2024 22:55

i’m 22 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend has suddenly started acting so cold towards me and told me today he’s in a bad place and needs space from me and the situation. for context we are young, we don’t yet live together and i got pregnant only a few months into our relationship. i know our situation isn’t the best and maybe we were naive in our decision but i’m trying to make things as good as they can be for our baby and i am so glad everyday that there was never a doubt in my mind that i would be continuing this pregnancy. he was super supportive and happy up until about a month ago when he started seeming uninterested in baby, never asking questions and seeming borderline fed up whenever i mentioned anything baby-related, never asking questions. i mention things we need to buy and he just brushes it off, he’s bought him one outfit since we found out i was pregnant. he opened up to me and admitted he is terrified, both about becoming a dad and about the financial/housing situation. he has avoided me for the past week and been going out to the pub to ‘sort his head out’. he told me today he is not in a good headspace mentally and doesn’t want to see me until he feels differently, he said he is not excited at all about the baby and even feels like he doesn’t want him. he feels like we’ve rushed things and ruined our lives, he said i’m pushing him away when i react to this response. i am at an absolute cross roads on what to do. i don’t know whether to just let him be and give him the space he says he needs. i am heartbroken he feels this way and don’t know what’s happened to cause this, i just want him to sort his head out. i feel so guilty for my baby boy that i’m bringing into a life like this and that his dad doesn’t want him, i just want my happy family like we spoke about. i feel so lonely and hurt. has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? i know this is quite extreme, has anyone’s partners come back round?

OP posts:
artfuldodgerjack · 07/02/2024 23:06

Sounds like you need to prepare yourself for being a single parent...

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/02/2024 23:27

He's worried about money so he goes to the pub?

It sounds as though he has checked out of the relationship I'm afraid. I think you are going to be bringing up this baby on your own. Do you have friends and family who can help out?

AnnonymousAdvice · 09/02/2024 19:59

Me and my boyfriend had only been together for a few months when I found out I was pregnant. We were in our early 20’s. He wanted me to get an abortion and I looked into it with him but I knew that I would never have been able to do that and so did he. He was scared and upset.
There was a time about a month after finding out that I was pregnant that I thought I was going to have to do it all on my own. He wrote me a letter saying that he needed some space. He left for about a week (although we did still talk just not as much).
Fast forward a few weeks and we found somewhere to rent and it was still difficult at times with arguments ect. but we made it work, we are still together and he is a really good dad!!

Finding out that you’re going to be parent with no planning and not being in a relationship for long is a shock and it can be scary. But if you want this child then you will do amazing no matter what and if he is a decent guy he will come around and you will work it out whether that is together or apart!!

StSwithinsDay · 09/02/2024 20:02

How old are you both?

RiderofRohan · 10/02/2024 04:25

I'm sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately this is often the reality of getting pregnant young and while not in a stable relationship. You can't influence his behaviour or force him to care. There's a chance he'll mature and step up, but also a good chance he won't.

Just focus on you and the baby as much as possible.

dingledangledinkledoo · 10/02/2024 10:38

The chance of you staying together is minuscule. Unfortunately this is why it's a really bad idea to go ahead with a pregnancy when a relationship is in its infancy, you don't know anything at all about each other and a baby is really trying on a long term, committed relationship..... it's the kiss of death for most new relationships. Or worse the two parents "try to make it work" for the sake of the kids and end up hating each other and battling on with a terrible relationship that wouldn't have lasted 6 months if it wasn't for the pregnancy. I do feel very sorry for the children in that situation as it can be very damaging to be raised by parents that would clearly be better off apart.

I think you would be best to plan to do this entirely alone. It may not be what you want but it's likely for the best.

es2711 · 10/02/2024 17:12

StSwithinsDay · 09/02/2024 20:02

How old are you both?

we’re 22 x

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