Cot from birth or not

[Silverchalk46]

So me and my partner have had a bit of a tiff. We're expecting a baby and I said it will be in its cot from birth, I have a 10 year and did this with him and worked well. On occasion he would sleep in our bed when ill and occasionally during the initial first 6months if we struggled to get him to sleep. My partner said he didn't like this. He hasn't had experience with kids before and this is his first, he said he'd prefer to keep baby with him at all times when napping and not leaving it in a room alone. I find this insane as during the day when kid is napping, that's time to get housework done and putting it in the cot is a safe place for it but he's also worried about cot death.
I'm worried he will create bad habits for the baby, he's in the military and will be off for a year and then leave,.this means I will then have a child that can't sleep without a parent in its room or next to it and my first kid did great going straight into a cot.
What are your thoughts.

It is recommended that babies are not left alone to sleep until 6 months old - so they can be in a cot but you should really be in the room. Most people use Moses baskets for downstairs etc to allow them to still do bits and pieces in the area baby is sleeping

There is lots of helpful information on the lullaby trust website that might help guide you with some more official advice

Safe sleeping advice is for baby to sleep in the same room as you day and night for the first six months minimum. It would be quite unusual nowadays to have them sleeping in their own room from birth and babies adapt to being moved into their own room later on. Also remember every baby is different and what worked with your first child might be completely different this time. If you're both off for a year with no other young children to look after you'll manage housework between you however baby is sleeping :)

Will the cot be in your room for at least the first 6 months?
Will you not need a 2nd sleeping area for during the day when they are small as they shouldn't have their sleep in a different area of the house

I think he is right tbh

Couldn’t think of anything worse than doing this to a tiny baby who needs comfort & safety. You’ll likely get less sleep with them in a separate room than having them in a next to me beside you.

Hi OP. Congratulations on your expected baby!

It’s a really tricky decision. NHS recommends to have baby in your room til 6 months. But cot death is hugely reduced by putting baby on their back to sleep, no smoking, no sleeping with baby on sofas etc, and no loose covers/toys in the crib.

My husband was up at 5am to do a huge commute everyday; I had to consider his safety too, and being woken up many times a night by the baby, was just not conducive to that. Personally, I followed all the other safe sleep guidelines, but felt that there would be little difference in risk to baby whether she was next to me in our room, or in her own room. So, we decided to put baby in her own room, from 3 weeks old. We all slept better, DH was able to continue with his job and commute, and DD has always been an excellent sleeper.

I would play it by ear; after a few weeks with a crying baby in his room, he may be more amenable to the idea!

A cot next to your bed or a cot in their own room? Incredibly irresponsible to leave a newborn alone overnight, also a giant pain in the arse as you will be up and down constantly

I agree entirely with your DH. My two slept in a next to me crib at night inches away from me. If not then they were in bed with me/feeding. During the day they slept downstairs in their sleepyhead or on me or Moses basket. I followed the guidance and didn't leave them to sleep on their own at all until at least a few months. It reduces cot death I think due to the fact that you're breathing in the same space as them.

I really don't get your view in anyway tbh. It sounds quite cold and overly practical. Makes me wonder if you've forgotten what it's like to have a small baby. The majority of them want to be as close to you as possible for as long as possible. They are designed that way.

Mine were in the cot from straight away, but it was in my room for the first 6/7 months then moved into their own room.
For daytime naps and the early evening before we went up to bed they slept in a Moses basket, in their pram or in someone’s arms downstairs.

Not really enough information to say who is right. Both of mine slept in their cot bed from day 2 or 3 as they didn’t like the Moses basket, but the cot bed was in my room. In the daytime they slept in the carry cot on the pram, on me, or in their cot bed and I stayed in the room (and tried to get some sleep in my bed). NHS guidance is that all sleep is in the same room as you for 6 months.

Are you in the UK? Guidance now is that baby sleeps in the same room as its parent all the time. So in the main living area during the daytimes, then your room from when you go to bed. It's a massive contributor to reducing chances of SIDS.

You still get plenty done with baby close by they just sleep near you when you do chores.

The guidelines were the same when your 10yo was a baby too.

The guidance was to have sleeps in the same room until 6 months when my oldest was a baby and she is 20 now.

We have the baby with us at night (should be in the next to me crib but ends up in bed with us..!) - it's a lot easier for night time feeds etc as well as following the NHS guidance. If you are talking about baby in a separate room from birth it seems like you would be making a lot of work for yourself getting up multiple times a night.

But I must admit that baby isn't with us for all daytime sleep and he often goes in his cot in his bedroom in the day. That is working for us to get him comfortable in our room and to be honest he was not sleeping properly downstairs with other noises and his older sister poking him! I must add that this isn't the NHS guidance but is something we have been doing since around 3.5 months. Maybe something you can do for daytime naps only?

It sounds like your partner is aware of the safe sleep guidelines and you possibly aren't or are choosing to ignore them. It's perfectly fine for baby to sleep in a cot rather than bedside crib or moses basket, providing the cot is in your room. Daytime naps can be in any of those options again providing you're in the room. Personally I let baby sleep in the moses basket downstairs in the front room and wandered in and out in the day doing my chores. Once he was too big he did nap in the bedside crib upstairs but again I wandered about nearby, though definitely at times was downstairs.

Well I'm a very relaxed mum but unless the cot was in your room then it's totally wrong to leave baby alone. Other than that we used cots for our toddlers. Twins topped and tailed there's had a slide down side so I could roll over in bed and feed them out and then pop them back without getting cold. from 6 months they were in there own room and cots and from 13 months own beds and now they are 2 and still sleep in there own beds all night as does our 3 year old. I love them dearly but unless ill prefer them in own beds. Don't mind when they jump in mine from 7am for cuddles

Like others are saying, the recommendation is same room for 6 months but it's also a risk assessment you both have to make as parents.

Mine was in his own room before 6 months and I felt comfortable with the decision mainly because we followed other guidelines which are bigger factors into preventing SIDS such as baby on back, no smoking, empty cot etc.

Housework doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and those baby snuggles contact naps are delicious.

Neither of my babies would sleep in a Moses basket or cot, I tried but ended up co-sleeping with both of them. Then sleep trained to get them in cots around 12 months.

You won't get in habits that last forever, and cosy snuggles with babies are valuable - the sense of peace and security is worth more than a hoovered carpet or dusted shelf or whatever.

The slatternly bits of housework I did were mostly with baby in a sling.

Mine had a Moses basket for downstairs naps so I could get on with stuff, then another basket upstairs next to our bed for a few months, swapped to a cot when they got too big for basket and then cot in own rooms from 6 months.
Actually for the first few months we really ended up co sleeping when they woke for feeds etc but were always put down in their basket.
My brother and his wife put their babies in cots in their own rooms at about 10 days old!

Obviously you shouldn't put baby in a cot in their own room from birth. That's so unnatural and completely against safe sleeping guidelines. In a cot next to your bed, of course that's fine.

I find this insane as during the day when kid is napping, that's time to get housework done and putting it in the cot is a safe place for it but he's also worried about cot death

He is also worried about cot death? You say this as yours and his worries carry equal weight.

He is worried about the very real SIDS risk that comes with leaving a 6mo to sleep alone. You are worried about doing the pots while the baby is nearby?

I would have my baby in a next to me crib for 6 months, and then if I'm still breastfeeding a cot in my room as it's easier to do night feeds if that's still happening at that stage. With my first and naps I always used to do downstairs with curtains open in a basket or swing, or my friend used a sleepyhead. Until 6 months then naps in cot. I would put my DD in a carrier to do housework if she wasnt sleeping, or in her swing/rocker. Or if my mum came over we would each do a bit of housework and then the other hold the baby.

We kept baby in a bassinet around us most of the time, I think another advantages of this is it gets them used to sleeping around noise, light and activity