Overbearing grandparents…

[Cattattack]

I have a question for those that have any advice! Sorry it’s a long one…

We have a very excited grandparent (my husband’s dad) - we are the first of the children for both our parents to be having a baby. But whilst he is wanting to help us, he is also being incredibly overbearing with wanting to buy us items. He called us both desperately yesterday trying to persuade us baby needed a vintage rocker (which I know they can’t use until they’re like 2 or 3!?) and today has asked me for a list of all baby creams, shampoos, nappy creams etc as a priority! And I know the products I would like will be too expensive for his liking.

I’ve politely tried to tell him we just aren’t thinking about it at the moment (we are still waiting for a plasterer to come and get the nursery room together - this is our main priority) but I’ve since found out he’s bought a lot of baby grows, teddies, random baby items etc - things which if I’m being honest…I was quite looking forward to buying for our baby 😢

how do you keep the grandparent happy, whilst telling them to just back off a bit! I’ve started putting together an Amazon wish list but I’m just not ready yet!

Your husband needs to tell him, his own dad that you would both like to be buying things for the baby so to back off. We had exactly the same issue with my parents when I had my first, so I knows it's tricky but it really did spoil things for us

Just send links to the high end items you need.... He prob has no idea how much decent stuff costs.... He may buy one then stfu!!

Your DH needs to tell him to back off a bit.

But equally, with things that aren't sentimental and that you need more than one of (like baby grows), is it a problem if he buys a few?

Just tell him which you want.

I don't think buying toiletries or baby grows will spoil much, sounds like he's excited to buy things for your baby. Which, always comes in handy as going do go through a lot.

Nothing stopping you still buying these items and I have found it hasn't took any excitement away for me tbh.

It’s annoying, it’s giving you things to stress about. Like you must pick toiletries right now, because I FIL have decided that’s important for you to do on my timeline. My excitement about your baby is more important than your experience.
I also think for pregnant women everyone becomes so excited, but not at all interested in what you want or how you feel that you begin to just feel like a vessel, for a new ‘thing’ that they’re getting. Or their second chance to get it right. a bit handmaids tale-y and that’s annoying in itself.

If he actually does mean well, your dh needs to be a bit firmer with him. Tell him you’ll come back to him at a certain time, you want him involved, you’re not cutting him out, but this isn’t a priority.
If you do know what you want, tell him the things you want are expensive that’s why you’ve not asked him for them, but you’ll happily send a list. Then send him the expensive stuff you want. He can buy it or he will stop asking.

I would feel exactly the same with the baby grows and things, it takes the shine off it. But realistically it doesn’t matter, you’ll go through loads.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice - it means a lot, and it was reassuring to read what you all said.

DH did thankfully step in and remind him that we don’t need this pressure right now and I said I’ll let him know when I’ve had a chance to look!

Aw, I'd say let him. Have you got a baby bank near you/ somewhere you could donate stuff? I accept everything, even clothes I hate, make sure I get a photo of them in use, then donate that lovely new item to someone who will really appreciate it.

I do get how the constant badgering is stressful though. Good thing DH is stepping in.

I'd say let him too.

Overbearing to me is pushing to be at the birth, asking over and over to have baby overnight when tiny, pushing views onto you etc.
he just sounds excited and wants to spoil his grandchild. He sounds lovely. I'd leave him to it. Send the list.. he asked for it after all!

Honestly OP, this is such a lovely problem to have. Your baby isn't even born yet and his/her extended family are so eager to be part of their lives. It really takes a village. Set up your wishlist and charity shop anything you don't want.

Appreciate it guys, and gosh yes I’m not meaning to sound ungrateful as I am so appreciative that they are trying to support us and do want to help! I am just struggling with the multiple questions on the daily, expecting answers when I’m still learning myself 😅 the list will come when I’m ready for it to though - it’s a minefield when you start looking at what to have!