44, pregnant again 1 year after mmc

[ttcat43]

After advice. My partner and I have Been together for 2.5 years. He doesn’t have children. I have two teens. Moved in together oct 22. We mmc in March 23.
we ttc for the rest of the year and nothing. I recently moved out of his home (Nov 23)and bought a house for me & my teens. We have gradually drifted apart and whilst still in a relationship only see one another at weekends now. My dd isn’t his biggest fan. She will be off to Uni in a few years so we said we would look at living together again when they’re adults and have flown the nest. But we have argued a lot since I moved out and I’ve started to doubt a future with him.
I have just found out I am pregnant again. I haven’t told him yet and after wanting it for so long last year I feel so very conflicted now.
I suspect I will mc again due to my age - I just don’t know whether to see what happens, I’m so confused. Also, my close friend has just announced she is pg and I suspect my sister in law is also pg. so I will have pregnant ladies around me. I will find that very tough if I don’t go through with this. Any kind advice greatly appreciated.

Personally I’d go for it, but I’m 43 and mmc back in 2020 and would love another. Congrats x

Thank you for replying. Sorry to hear you mmc also. Keep hope 🙏🏻.
I was taking coq10 until we decided to live separately.

I don't know if you're wanting opinions or advice but I wouldn't go through pregnancy with his baby.

It doesn't sound like a stable relationship and you haven't been together that long.

You also already have two kids who've gone through a lot of change in 2 years.

I would focus on creating a stable environment for them instead.

It doesn't sound like this relationship is going to work.

My advice would be to make the decision based on whether you want this baby, regardless of the whether you remain in a relationship with the father. If you choose to go ahead, you will find a way of parenting that works, whether you’re together or not. If you don’t go ahead, make sure that’s based genuinely on whether you want to be a mum again now.

Thank you. I know he would love to be a dad and losing the baby last year did put a sadness into the relationship. He was so happy. He struggles being emotionally intimate and has often said he thinks if he became a father it would unlock his emotions. I know he would be a wonderful loving dad, but I’ve been a single parent for a long time. I’m not sure I can do it all over again. And I do take on board the straight talking, sensible opinion of the lady above. That said, I’ve wanted this with him, so much for so long. 😔

I’d be very cautious about having a baby with a person my other child wasn’t keen on, why isn’t she keen on him?
Also I doubt having a baby would bring you closer together, it would put more strain on a already strained relationship

Can’t imagine having teens and choosing to go back to that. Dear god no.

Taking him out the pitcher how do you feel about the baby thinking ahead.
Going through the baby stage again school runs until you 60.
You have teens that are more independent now.
The relationship dont sound all that healthy either.
Having a baby will not sort a relationship out.

Personally i wouldnt want to start the baby stage again knowing my children are not keen on him relationship not all that good plus your freedom is in arms reach you have your life back and no parenting to do.
I wish you the best.

Hello OP,

Looking at all the responses above, I will give you another opinion.

I am pretty much in the same position as you, at 43 I had a mc in July and was very lucky to get pregnant again 3 months later. So far so good at 22 weeks pregnant, so I feel lucky. I had two extra private scans at 7 and 10 weeks so I wouldn’t stress so much during this pregnancy, nothing worse than finding out it is a mc at first scan like I did the first time.

My children are very big - oldest is almost 16, then 14, 12 and 9. I must say that trying to conceive was super stressful, adding the sadness of the mc and the pressure was intense on my relationship, but it was worth it because it was something we both wanted.

In reality, the ball is in your court. The most important question is ‘do you want this child or was it just for your partner?’ And if your relationship isn’t stable, then are you happy raising this child on your own?

Good luck.

Thank you so much for your lovely reply ☺️
such a thoughtfully worded response.
Thats wonderful news that you are now 22 weeks! Must be such a relief to get to that stage and relax and enjoy your pregnancy - it is a very nervy thing at our age.

I told dp today. I felt I had to tell him. Before I told him we chatted about our future as I wanted to know how it looks from his perspective and also about living in Separate houses. We then talked about my daughter and I asked him to make an effort to take an interest in her life, I gave him some suggestions of q’s he could ask her to engage her like GCSE’s, plans for the summer etc.. I invited him over for a roast and he tried really hard with her. It was lovely to hear them chatting. He just isn’t sure how to interact with teens having no kids of his own and my dd is very Astute and very bright ( she does look down her nose at him a little! Which she can do with those she perceives as less clever than her.!)

I told him I was pg while we were out walking.. he was undoubtably happy, he took my hand and I could tell from his face he looked almost relieved. He was instantly more open, showed emotion and affection towards me. I was honest and said I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. He said he would’ve been upset if I hadn’t given him a say in it and he tried to reassure me that we would find a way to make it work, equally would support my choice and understood my doubts and concerns.

sadly, my research online this eve tells me I think I’m going to miscarry again or it is a chemical pregnancy. In hindsight, my lines were very faint on an ept when I tested at 16 dpo. I now regret telling him.. 🥺😔 I have symptoms but those lines should’ve been darker I think.
I will test again in a few days and let Mother Nature do it’s thing.