Getting stressed about feeding...

[Mangotango39]

We are having our baby next week (section)
I am getting myself in a state re feeding.

My plan was to try breastfeeding with ultimate goal to combo with formula in the future.
I just feel really unprepared and scared.

I went to a class run by a lactation consultant and honestly, I felt less prepared and confident afterwards . The lady didn't really answer questions just skirted around them when asked. Other ladies felt the same with one commenting to me she found the consultant 'scary' 😁

I have bought a tin of formula, a steriliser and 4 bottles (2 different types) as a backup if we move away from breast.
Other than that, I just have breast pads, bras, a feeding pillow and nipple cream.

should I have anything else to set myself up for success? I didn't get a pump yet and thinking should I have???

Ah it's just so close and I am so worried my baby will starve or get a bad stomach if I don't do it right 😫or even cause more sleep issues!

Any advice?

Honestly for success for me I deliberately didn’t have access to and bottles. With my first it was sheer determination and gritted teeth that got me through (undiagnosed tongue tie), second fed like a dream was second nature to both of us), third was hard and painful at first but was just like my second once TT was snipped.
You need a good support network, you need you and your partner to educate yourselves about normal newborn feeding behaviour. You need to have the details of the local breastfeeding support to hand to call or attend as soon as you have an issue.
Pain is generally indicative of a latching problem, though once you’ve got sore it can be sore for a while. Usual healthcare profs are not always properly bf trained and very poor at recognising tongue tie, they also say it’s not a problem if baby is gaining weight (but it is a problem if it’s hurting you and can create problems with weaning and speech later if not treated.

baby can’t get a bad stomach, there’s not a wrong way to breastfeed, and also very unlikely baby won’t get enough milk once you’re supply is established, though they act starving while they increase your supply which you need to go with otherwise you’ll end up topping up with formula, then you may struggle to increase your supply at a later date.

Try not to worry about it too much - though I know it can be stressful.
When my little one was born we really really struggled with latching, despite seeing the feeding team every week for the first 6 weeks. So we combi fed with the ready made bottles, expressed milk and also breastfeeding. By the time he was 8 weeks old we were exclusively breastfeeding, so it can still happen even if you need to use bottles for a bit. The key thing is to have support. Make sure your partner knows how you should be breastfeeding - they can help position the baby for you. Is there an infant feeding team nearby who you can contact to learn how to feed? Or even look at lactation consultants on social media who usually have good advice.

Get the terribly named but brilliant Womanly art of breastfeeding. Lots of sensible realistic advice re babies who won’t latch, how much newborns feed etc although they’re a bit more hippy about sleep etc so if that’s not your thing just ignore those bits.

Go and watch all the videos on laid back feeding on Nancy Mohrbacher’s
You Tube channel. Laid back feeding is proven to reduce nipple pain by 70% and is likely to increase milk transfer too

Remember the key points of breastfeeding, feed the baby, move the milk and the actual direct breastfeeding will come together witth time and support but an underfed baby or reduced supply make everything much more challenging.

Do lots of skin to skin (literal hours) any time you’re awake. Like you eat the chocolates if they’re next to you on the sofa but not if they’re in the fridge, babies eat more often and more easily if they have free access to the food.

Find a not scary lactation consultant or ask for the infant feeding team (most hospitals have them they just hide them) if you get into difficulties.

There are tons of free resources online - it’s important to understand newborn behaviour like cluster feeding so you don’t worry when bubs is super fussy. Follow some great lactation consultants on Instagram - cordelisuys (she has a great website too) and kathrynstaggibclc for example. There are also loads on YouTube videos to show positioning.

Have a great local lactation consultant’s details to hand in case you need it (your local parents Facebook group can provide recommendations). The highest qualification for a lactation consultant is IBCLC.

Check with your midwife if you can start harvesting colostrum if you haven’t done so already so if you do have trouble at the beginning, you can use that.

good luck x you can do this!

I wouldn't worry about A pump at this stage. It's good to get breastfeeding established before you try pumping .

I bf both mine - combi fed the first and ebf the second for 15 months. Never once managed to get more than a couple of drips with a pump for either of them.

@BubbleTe I keep trying to look online but like sleep, there's just so many saying one thing, someone else saying another, it gets me all confused. I will follow those ladies though and get reading tonight.

I have been trying to harvest since week 36 but nothing but a drop comes out. Although I leak randomly through the day!

I took already pre made newborn bottles with teats (very small 70mls or so and already sterilised) to hospital as my milk was late post c section. Boots sells those if you look online also post natal ward will have some if needed.

A hugely important thing to remember is that you and baby both need to learn. It's a new skill and although been going on since dawn of time it requires practice and learning. It's important to remember this when it's tough going.

Things that I wish I had done with my first was to pre birth express colostrum in syringes and freeze it. It is very very slow going and even getting 0.1ml is good but it stimulates.
2nd thing is to remember that baby needs to stimulate to encourage milk which means it might feel that they are constantly on you but it's for good reason and it doesn't last.
3rd is check for tongue tie and look at pictures of them it makes a big difference to milk transfer and can be cut on day 5 if you can get in early enough with a infant feeding team or private consultant.

If you are giving formula early days it is a very small volume! We are talking 30-40ml otherwise you stretch their tummy and will be in a cycle.

With my first we really had it stacked against us NICU, tongue tie, delayed milk supply etc. I only stuck it out because formula made him violently sick and scream his head off.
My 2nd was a breeze as I was more relaxed and had colostrum syringes (amazon sells them).

The ward will have breast pumps should you want to use them - just start on low cranking it up high doesn't help and results in injury.

Multimam compresses are also brilliant for recovery, don't use cabbage leaves for engorgement it contains an enzyme which reduces milk supply.

Knowing that your milk doesn't come in properly for several days. You aren't doing it wrong, they are getting colostrum and aren't starving, and all the sucking is needed to stimulate the milk production
(obviously, also take medical advice rather than mine but I was shocked the first time I had a baby that it went like this).

You sound very prepared with the material items. Personally if I could go back I would have not bothered with the more expensive items and waited a bit (you've always supermarkets, petrol stations, amazon prime in emergencies). Whilst us mums all have our own aspirations, baby really does rule the roost here. My son refused bottles very early, so breast pump was just wasted along with bottles, steriliser etc. I wish I had put that money into a nice feeding chair.

Ultimately, though, as pp said you need an amazing support network around you, mine is:
Kellymom.com for all my little questions.
Breast buddies on fb for general support and experience shared.
La leche league phoneline in emergencies.

Those three outlets have ensured I've met my sons needs and received accurate information. I couldn't recommend them enough.

Sorry, I should have said, I am not in the uk and I had a look for these a few weeks back but they don't sell them here :/ apparently they do have them in hospital though and can give them if really required but your suppose to bring your own if planning to formula

This!
The amount of people I’ve seen say that they couldn’t breastfeed because their milk took too long to come in or because of low supply. It’s all normal and whilst I do think some people use it as an excuse (because breastfeeding is hard!) I think a lot of it is down to people not being educated on it.
Also agree with a pp further up that for us it was best not having the bottles, formula etc in the house. There were some hard nights that I’d probably have given up but by the morning it all seemed better.

@Mangotango39 sorry typo in my earlier message - it’s cordeliauys.
Anyone can call themselves a lactation consultant, but the highest qualification is IBCLC and they should give consistent advice. Midwives are not properly trained in BFing and can give wrong advice including assessing tongue ties. Working out the right position for you and bubs is a matter of trial and error.

Not getting a lot of colostrum before birth is normal and doesn’t mean you won’t have enough milk. But do check your technique- I found harvesting into a clean spoon first and then collecting with a syringe easier than syringing directly from your boob. Best to be relaxed when you do it. I found spending a few mins doing it a few times a day better than one long session each at.

Your local authority might have an infant feeding team too.

you are doing a lot more prep than I did with my first so you’re well prepared! X

@BubbleTe the breastfeeding class was through my hospital with a member of community team - I believe she spoke about that qual and had it.

example someone asked should we feed on both breasts to begin with each feed, she just didn't answer and kept saying 'whatever works'
and this was kind of her answer for everything aswell as to get a lactation consultant. Not really selling lactation consultancy though when she wouldn't really answer questions!

bare in mind it also costs a fortune where I am and we are already going to struggle with me having the time off. I know it could be worth it though if I was to find a good one.

I think I bought so I didn't get to that despair in the middle of night , I worried of baby starving. Silly probably. But we don't have 24/7 shops or pharmacies and I just didn't want to be stuck . But understand the temptation it might cause to 'give in'

Hmmm…that does not sound like good advice at all. Check out Cordelia’s website https://www.cordeliauys.co.uk/
she has really good information and a lot of pointers to YouTube videos and other websites. She’s not an IBCLC (she just hasn’t sat the exams) but knows more than most IBCLCs.

Also checking out: Kellymom, La Leche League and the Breastfeeding network websites.

@BubbleTe thank you! I'm on the resources now and they are great. Appreciate it!!

Soon as you can put your baba on the boob. I did with both of mine and it does help. Plus it helps the milk come in the more you put them on.

A few that helped me massively

Kellymom

Milkology

https://thebreastfeedingcompanion.com/

https://www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/

Emma Pickett saved me from depression. I emailed her to thank her after the first 6 months.

I know this sounds weird, as it would be nicer not to be worried, but I actually think you can see it as a positive that you're worried. It's making you seek out information and prepare for different eventualities.
With my first I just sort of thought- we'll try to breastfeed and if it doesn't work out we can do formula.
I wasn't prepared at all for how hard it can be to bf or how important it would become to me that we "succeed". I know that's not true for everyone, and I have no judgement at all for how anyone feeds their baby, but our journey was tough and I got quite consumed by it.
I recommend checking out the social pages and books of a UK based lactation consultant called Lucy Ruddle, I have had a couple of sessions with her and also read her book "mixed up" which is about combination feeding. There's very little info out there about this, everything is presented as breastfeed OR formula, so her book is very helpful. In many cases, including mine, supplementing with formula helps to save breastfeeding in the long run. I exclusively pumped for my daughter for 8 months, combination fed for another four months after that, and she needed formula in the early days when she was poorly and I didn't have enough milk yet. Despite enormous amounts of effort and distress she never fed at the breast (in person support was very limited in covid times but I still really really tried). Eventually I've come to be proud of exclusively pumping but that took time. I'm hoping to nurse my new baby who is due in a couple of weeks but have a lot of anxiety about it.
I'd say don't invest in a pump yet unless you know you'll be using it a lot. Do research and choose the one you'll buy if you need it, they should come fast with online shopping.
Sorry about the negative experience you had at the lactation class, I hope you can find a different source of support as I really think getting help can make all the difference. In the UK we have the breastfeeding network, are there any charities like that where you are?

You are in exact same situation I was and I made exactly the same plan and bought same things and had c section planned :)
I can share my experience in case you find it useful.
DS was born happy, slightly on a bigger side (75 percentile) very loud and plumpy.
A midwife or a nurse was available soon after birth to help me get colostrum out, and this is what I fed him via syringe. It was tiny amount but apparently very important, full of all the good stuff.
During the next 24 hours, I was attempting breastfeeding and from what I could see baby was latching but also constantly crying. He was by far the loudest baby in the 6 cubicles (labour ward).
In retrospective he was crying because he wasn't latching and was actually starving.
I was checked up regularly by tons of midwifes, nurses, different staff, all had different colored clothes and noone explained who is who.
Everyone was saying different things ranging from he is eating/doing great all the way to he has a tonguetie and cannot latch.
The baby lost 8 percent of weight in 48 hours and frankly he was grey.
I asked for pediatrician who was this super jolly guy telling us - he is great you should see the other babies (!?).
I was not keen on going home and soon felt like every shift that got in had a mission to convince us to go home.
Eventually we were discharged without feeding plan, I was basically told by the nurse in charge that I am a difficult patient and he is obviously eating great and she cannot do anything for me.
Fast forward to tomorrow at home - community midwife (day 5) in complete shock realising the baby lost 13 percent of weight and I was told he is feeding well.
She suggested introducing formula asap, also to continue attempting to breastfeed, referred us to a tongue tie specialist (turned out partial and resolved on its own later on).
The midwives continued visiting on daily basis, they were absolutely amazing!
He got back to his birth weight in 2 weeks, from 6 weeks he switched to ebf.

Moral of the story:
If baby is crying and not gaining weight - he obviously is NOT feeding properly.
Don't shy away from asking your community midwifes for help.
If you are well after the surgery, spend as little time as possible on a labour ward - go home :))

Have a look at www.the-breastfeeding-academy.info

There is a free guide there too about baby growth spurts which seem to never be talked about.

Breastfeeding needn't be scary at all, just unknown. Being prepared is the best thing. Xxx