Lonely AF in Pregnancy

[KD1988UK]

I am 35 and 23 weeks pregnant with my double rainbow baby and my god I feel lonely AF.

I usually have alot of friends around me and had read that pregnancy can be a lonely time for women. I didn’t really think it would happen to me until BOOM here I am.

I have posted in here and in Peanut before about friends going quiet and my best friend of 15 years all of a sudden vanishing and the general feedback I get is “you don’t know what is going on in their lives” “no one cares about the pregnancy as much as you” etc etc. Essentially making it seem okay for people to abandon pregnant women at a time when they feel vulnerable and need their village. Everyone is going through things but that doesn’t make it okay to drop someone because it doesn’t affect you what they are going through or it is difficult. I have had two losses (one needed surgery) and despite this, I was there for 2 of my pregnant friends when I wasn’t pregnant. It was tough but I kept supporting them (sure I declined the odd thing but they knew I was there).

I rarely talk about my pregnancy with friends, but when I have needed to (I ended up in hospital with this pregnancy due to severe dehydration) my closest friends seem to be downplay my experience, thoughts and feelings or are just absent.

I miss the days of when women would support women through thick and thin. I have always been the friend people come to for support and advice but I learning that no everyone has the same heart.

I guess I am reaching out to other women who are finding the same to say you are not alone in your loneliness.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. This should be such an exciting time for you, especially as you have had previous losses.

I'm just 4+4 at the moment so can't relate as no one knows, but I find the whole process of pregnancy quite lonely. TTC you don't really tell anyone, you can speak to your partner but they don't fully understand how mentally draining it is symptom spotting, disappointment of period arriving, working out ovulation etc. Then first 12 weeks generally you're so worried but can't talk to anyone unless you really want that, then finally you get to the 'safe' stage and you want to get really excited and speak about it but also don't want to make it your whole personality, but realise no one is that fussed.

I appreciate everyone has their own stuff going on but friendship is exactly that, taking an interest in your friends and having 2 way conversations. Like i say, you don't want every conversation to be about your pregnancy but it's nice to acknowledge it and ask how you're feeling etc.

They always say you find out who your true friends are when you fall pregnant and its such a shame its like that.

I often feel like I'm the fall back friend too in life, the one people speak to when they need something or when they have nothing better to do! It's never a nice feeling

I know how you feel. I'm in the same situation. Don't want to be negative, but I found motherhood even more lonely. Now I'm pregnant with my second, and the interest from people in my pregnancy is null. Some didn't even say congratulations when I told them!
My friends didn't seem to be interested when I got pregnant and while I kept inviting them, some of them hadn't even seen my daughter yet. She is two years old!

I am very social, I took my baby to baby groups and activities 4-5 times a week. I met some mothers, and changed phone numbers- I asked them out for walks and coffees- they were too busy or ignored my text.
Peanut is also useless- mothers just don't want to make an effort anymore.

We live in a society where mothers prefer to struggle alone at home and they ignore invitations and any social activities- and they blame it on their children.

They say it will get better when they go to schools etc but I don't believe it. We had 2 big birthday parties for my little one and we only received 2 invites back -out of 15 children.

I am not going to give up but I feel very lonely and sad. I want to share this experience with my friends and other mothers but it's not possible anymore. The communities that women had before are gone, and they don't even feel the need to have one. It's sad!

To be honest, it's true, nobody really cares. I have wonderful friends and one of them is even pregnant like me but no calls from their side, I usually reach out. Just as you said, I don't talk about my pregnancy constantly, I'm very aware of that.

The only people who check on me are my husband and my mom. Not even my dad or brother. I've learned to love my own company. And when I feel like having a chat I'm on mumsnet, in the thread where everyone's due date is the same month so these ladies know what you're going through.

I'm sorry to say, but adulthood, not just pregnancy is lonely. Sometimes I have a little cry and then it's back to business. 😅

I’m with you. I’m 33 weeks and every single week I think to myself that my best friends at the moment are my DP and DD. Which feels quite sad. Especially as they are out (work and school) and I work from home so I find that I offload in the evening. But I seem to only have them.

Even my family has gone quiet.

I also find that I don’t m reach out to friends to rant about pregnancy or anything like that - just the odd coffee or walk in the park or even phonecall to talk about everything but the pregnant but everyone feels so busy.

I’ve found since telling everyone it has definitely become lonely. I joined a local pregnancy yoga class and I even found it hard to make friends there!

Wish I had a solution but I guess reaching out to friends (even though it’s sad that they haven’t reached out) could be a solution. And keeping busy (right now it looks like TV shows, grocery shopping and cooking).

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope you’re doing okay.

I can totally relate. It’s really surprising who is there and who isn’t when you become pregnant. I’m really sorry for your previous losses, I had a miscarriage with surgery last year.

I’m now 4 months pregnant but starting to feel quite isolated. My husbands parents passed away years ago and my parents live far away and they never call me or ask to see me. My dad hasn’t asked me once how I am after my miscarriage. Not even a ‘how are you’ and my mums not much better. I used to ring her everyday but once I stopped it wasn’t reciprocated- ever.

Im 35 and none of my friends have a baby or are pregnant. Not one single one. They’re lovely but we don’t live close to each other - everyone is so spread out nowadays I think it’s the norm in 2024.

As someone else said on here keeping busy and enjoying your own company is key. Whenever I start feeling isolated and longing for the family and support I don’t have I try to do something positive relating to the baby like looking at names or clothes or tbh even just looking at my scan photos and thinking you’re my future 🙏🏻

Sending love and hugs!

Congratulations to you !!! XxX Oh My I could have written this exact post , really feeling it the past few days, My best friend of about 10 years hasnt replied to any texts in the past few weeks, even when I asked for advice , so not sure what to do with that, I am trying to be open minded as I feel it could somehow be connected to my own hormones and - with me - not so sure of your entire situation , but previously I was such a busy woman / working / travelling etc - I may not have taken too much notice of friends not replying / texting or calling , as I was doing my own thing - but now I am spending a lot of time at home so this could be a factor, but it really is an eye opener on alot of different things, my advice - one day at a time , if you are having a challenging day pick 1 thing to focus on , be it a hobby or going to the shops or picking a movie, unfortunately the more we expect of others, the more dissappointed we may be, I need to take my own advice on board LOL, My motto is perhaps to reach out to people every so often and if they reply great if not, that;s that , chapter closed .. not my issue