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Original poster

Booking appointment alone or not?

33 replies

Ptfcangel · 28/01/2024 23:53

Hiya,
just looking for a bit of advice as I’ve been looking elsewhere online and seeing mixed reviews.
just to see if I should attend booking appointment alone or bring partner? He’d happily come and see what it’s about etc and just be involved but I have seen some people online saying not to bring partners? I haven’t had any guidance on this from my nhs letter but I know it’s also very long so could be boring if he doesn’t need to be there.
just wondered what everyone else’s experience of this is and what worked best?

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Chaiandtoast · 28/01/2024 23:56

Dh came with me, he enjoyed it because it made it all feel a bit more real as we hadnt had a scan yet, and it was no problem for him to be there. I did find it kindof useful as I got so much information as well, it was a second person to remember it. But there was absolutely no need for him to be there really. The midwife will ask them to leave at some point though so she can ask you about how safe you are at home, so be prepared for that.

questionoflust · 28/01/2024 23:57

I went alone and don't recall even considering taking my DH. It's just lots of questions and info gathering. Unless you're really anxious or feel you may struggle to understand what the midwife discusses with you, I don't think having your partner there is necessary.

GFB · 28/01/2024 23:57

Congratulations! I would go on your own. It's a pretty long appointment and most of it is you answering lots of straightforward questions and not much info is shared so not a good use of your partners time.

DuploTrain · 28/01/2024 23:58

I didn’t bring my DH to any midwife appointments except scans. The booking appointment is literally just asking you a long list of questions about your health etc. It’s very boring!

theprincessthepea · 29/01/2024 00:03

I asked mine to come to at least one. He was off on that day (I wouldn’t ask him to take time off to come with me). I thought it would be good for him to see what happens, hear heartbeat, make it more real etc. he didn’t need to be there but I’m glad he came to one. I wouldn’t want him to come to all of them anyway as it’s pretty boring and I usually make my way to work straight after.

You may want him to come along to things like blood tests or glucose tests as some women may feel faint or dizzy etc. Hospital appointments are different.

Cheetocat · 29/01/2024 00:04

My partner has come to absolutely every appointment and antenatal class with me and we've both enjoyed it very much, he helps me remember all of the information that I'm constantly learning and the baby is as much his as it is mine so it makes sense to me.

FirstT1meMum · 29/01/2024 10:32

DH came to booking appointment as it was our first and we didn't know what to expect, he always wanted to be as involved as possible. It is a long appointment, about an hour and half, and it's a lot of questions about your history and family history. They do touch on his history too. You can definitely do it alone or take him, it's all about what you both want. It was useful having someone else listening to the information but you will get the information more than once.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 29/01/2024 10:40

I didn’t even think to bring DH to mine, it’s all about you and your health anyway.

cosylife · 29/01/2024 10:43

DH came to our first baby’s booking appointment but with this pregnancy they came to the house and husband was at work. I think if it’s your first it might be nice to bring them, if not then something you can definitely do alone if you’re confident enough.

Fridaysgirl17 · 29/01/2024 10:44

My kids dad came to neither booking appointments, they are long, boring, lists of questions, he actually came to no appointments for our second but that was due to COVID, he came to a few on our first but we had a few complications so that's why

Snowdropsarecoming · 29/01/2024 10:47

Booking appointment contains question about your and your DP partner’s family’s health.

Dryshampoofordays · 29/01/2024 10:48

Mine came during our first pregnancy and it was nice for him to feel involved. He was able to answer questions about any health issues on his side of the family etc. but he didn’t need to be there really. He didn’t come with the second pregnancy as I knew what to expect and he was looking after the toddler! So it’s up to you either way if you’d like him there or not

PrudeyTwoShoes · 29/01/2024 10:51

The booking appointment is purely an administrative appointment. The midwife will ask questions about past pregnancies/births, family medical history (on both parents' sides) etc. Partners generally tend to go to the later appointments where you can hear the heartbeat or to ultrasounds, especially if they need to book time off work. However, if you both want him to ge there, no one would bat an eyelid at that either.

CrispAppleStrudels · 29/01/2024 10:52

I was asked quite a few questions about DH's family medical history and i wouldn't have known the answers if he wasnt there. He didn't come to the rest of the midwife appointments, but for this first one, i felt it was worthwhile him being there. He obviously came to all the scans. It was also nice for him to meet the midwife and hear her explain everything directly.

Having said that, if there is anything in your medical history that your DP doesnt know about and you dont want to share with him, it might be best if he doesn't go but is on standby on phone / message in case you need his help answering any questions. You will be asked a lot of detailed questions about your medical history.

For my second pregnancy, he didnt come as all i had to do was confirm the info hadnt changed.

Havanalily1806 · 29/01/2024 10:57

Mine has came to most appointments and was at the booking appointment. Midwife has also never asked him to leave to ask me questions about home.

He works shifts so has managed to attend most, I think he's only missed one. If he was at work he wouldn't take time off, it is just how they have fallen.

He likes to be there I think he just feels more involved and part of things and feels like he is being supportive, also as you get to appointments after 20 weeks the heartbeat is always checked and he likes to hear that.

You'll be absolutely fine to attend on your own or with your partner.

I will say one plus for me having him there, is I can leave my big coat and bag and notes with him while I go and do a urine sample before the appointment 😅 ... (the area the midwife building is in is not the greatest, and the toilets have no hooks on the doors for belongings and they're not the nicest 😅)

Omma23 · 29/01/2024 10:58

Mine came with me to every appointment and antenatal class. And it was useful. For the booking appointment they ask family history for both of you, which DP can answer and you might not be able to.
He was also useful as a second set of ears to remember things I was told or to put the next appointment dates in the diary for me.
It’s all choice but he wanted to be there and I wanted him included as much as possible.

CCLCECSC · 29/01/2024 11:01

There'll be questions re family history on both sides. Do you know your partner's family history sufficiently to be able to answer?

It's a good appointment to get a partner involved in unlike many of the others!

WhatNoRaisins · 29/01/2024 11:02

There may be a part where he is sent out so they can ask sensitive questions. This might be area dependent though.

Jk987 · 29/01/2024 11:09

Ask your partner about any hereditary conditions and family history eg. Heart conditions.
Once you've got that info, the rest is all about your health and lifestyle so he'll be twiddling his thumbs if he comes with you.

Lillers · 29/01/2024 11:20

Whenever one of our friends/family members is pregnant, my husband is always the one asking them lots of questions about pregnancy that I would never even have thought about. He also listens to the answers which I never do 😂. So I very much need him at my appointment so he can ask questions and pay attention to all the details that my brain naturally glosses over!
In all seriousness though, we never even considered the idea of him not being there. He works remotely so can manage his diary and not have to take time off work, and it’s his baby too.

Pointedtoes · 06/02/2024 19:20

I will bring my partner too as it is our first pregnancy and he would like to be involved in all the steps- even if it ends up to be boring for him!

StartedWithACrisp · 06/02/2024 19:46

It is a lovely way to keep your partner involved and they can remind you of things you wanted to ask in the appt / or remind you later of things that were said in the appt.

The only time they really advise against if is if there is a risk of domestic violence/influence by your partner, which is sadly quite common.

Though most midwives are very tactful these days, even if you go with your partner, they may ask you in first, ask you any questions about dv, or really personal stuff, etc, and then say if you want your partner in with you, can bring them in.

Pixiedust138 · 06/02/2024 19:49

He will probably be bored to tears to be honest. First baby my partner came, second time I went alone. There’s so many questions, they are really just getting all your background/history, there’s absolutely nothing exciting happening at that appointment. Only advice is to make sure you know his family health history as they will ask.

DappledThings · 06/02/2024 19:50

Didn't cross my mind to bring DH to any appointments that weren't scan ones. It's really an appointment for you, I find it a bit odd anyone brings anyone else to the booking appointment.