Don't like my midwife

[FinallyPregnant23]

I'm 21w pregnant and had a few appointments now with my midwife, I've had some additional ones as my iron is low.

I really don't like her. I couldn't tell you why - she's nice enough on the surface level but I come out of every appointment upset and have a cry in my car, despite feeling really happy about the pregnancy and in general. She never smiles and was a bit flakey the first couple of appointments, and she has only got a couple of years experience too which, I know she's qualified and it shouldn't matter but has stuck in my brain a bit. But they don't seem like strong enough reasons to not like her so much, I really can't put my finger on it.

I also went to my second appointment and there was a second midwife there as well, and has been at every appointment since, she was introduced by name only but I wasn't told why she was there, she's nice enough in theory as well but every time she takes blood from me, I end up bleeding through my plaster and jumper sleeve after and having a massive bruise. I had blood taken from someone different at the hospital and this didn't happen, I had assumed it was a me problem and just to do with being pregnant at first but now I'm sure it's the midwife taking the blood.

I dread the thought that I could end up with these two at my birth, and I know you can request to change midwives, but I don't know if there's a reason I could verbalise to want to do it. "I just don't like their vibes" doesn't really seem good enough!

Any advice would be greatfully received, do you think I'd be better just persevering with them for the antenatal appointments and then asking to change if I do get them for the birth?

is your midwife that you see at appts a community midwife ?? chances are unless youre having a home birth , you wont see her at the birth as youll have a hopital midwife for this

I asked to change midwives during my first pregnancy, because the one I was assigned was rude and grumpy and made me feel horrible. I didn't give a reason I don't think - I just rang the health centre and said I wanted to be assigned a different midwife. That was 10 years ago though so I don't know how straightforward it would be now

Do try and change though, it's important that you feel supported and that you can trust the women caring for you. It could also be worth finding out who leads the team (can't remember the proper term) and asking about the second midwife who's taking your blood - it's definitely not standard to have two people present and you're entitled to know why she's involved in your care.

I once asked to change midwife but there were two working out my GP so it was easy enough. It's worth exploring if it's making you feel like this though.

As for the birth some only work in the community so wouldn't be in the hospital. Obviously some do shifts in the hospital as well as the community so the possibility is there but I feel the chance would be very small!

I would say if you are not happy raise it now and make a change. This is your pregnancy to enjoy and it’s so important that you do. My midwife has been great, but I have complained to PALs for other reasons and I am so glad I did as otherwise nothing would have changed.

Good luck with your pregnancy and remember this is YOUR journey which you deserve to feel supported and empowered by your midwife to make the best decisions for you and your baby x

@excitedmama2be apparently the midwives in my area do a combination of community work and actually being in the hospital for deliveries, supposedly in the hopes of having the same midwife all the way through, and then some postnatal care too.

You can ask to switch for antenal appointments, but even if you do you'll pretty much get who you get when it comes to birth, depending on who is available when you go into labour.

I'm sure you can switch. I'm 29 weeks and have had 4 appointments...different midwife every time 🙄

I had to switch too. She just put me on edge and she made a couple of comments that had a sarcastic edge.

I ended up with a lovely woman who made the appointments cheerful and informative.

I'm so glad I decided to swap. I really don't think you'll regret it.

What would you say as the reason you want to change?

I said mine was making me feel uncomfortable. I don't remember having to say any more than that.

I had been prepared to get a lot of push back so I'd put it off, but actually it was really easy.

This was a while ago now, of course. The NHS was in a better state when I was pregnant. But I don't see any reason why people wouldn't still be able to swap.