20 week Scanxiety!

[JRTfan]

I'm 40 and almost 19 weeks pregnant after a very long (12 year!) road of TTC including a MMC last year. Everything so far has been fine including a private scan at 16+5 low risk for downs etc..But I'm so anxious that something will be wrong at the 20 week scan.. I haven't felt the baby yet aside from what could be some small fluttering but cant be 100% sure. I have a bump now so think she's growing in there but guess I am just looking for some advice from those that have been there. Scan is a week tomorrow and of course I've read lots of stuff about people having bad news. Does the worry ever end??!

Aw, buddy. It all sounds like it's looking really good for you! Twelve years?! No wonder you're anxious, this has been a loooong time coming.

If you get nothing but good news next week will you let yourself relax? Can you see a point in the future when you're allowed to enjoy life? Just wondering if you have given yourself a cut-off point at all. For me it was the 20 week scan. I'm 35 weeks and getting worked up about the birth, but I'm confident the baby will be ok, it's just me I'm worried about now 😂

Just remember that worry can't help anything. It can't bring the scan forward and it can't make the baby any healthier. Distract yourself however you can because there's nothing you can do (apart from take pregnancy vitamins and avoid booze and fags, obv).

Totally normal to worry and no it probably doesn’t end lol. I did find it easier once you give birth to them but only marginally 😂 CONGRATS on your pregnancy. I’m sure your baby will be gorgeous. Remember that the likelihood that everything is ok is very high indeed. Try to do what you can to stay on top of the worry. I regret spending my whole pregnancy worrying to be honest.

Ah the scan nerves are the worst. I did feel a lot better after my 20 week scan, and then once I could feel movements a few weeks after that I felt even better.

Pregnancy is a constant worry and you will worry until your babe is safe in your arms trust me! I'm currently expecting my 3rd

Hi lovely, I can complete relate to the scanxiety .
18 year journey for us and I'm currently nearly 16 weeks with our little ivf miracle. I have my big scan at 19 weeks and I'm absolutely terrified. I keep imagining all sorts. Its just constant worry isn't it? Sending you lots of luck for your scan

Thank you all I am finding the anxiety is slightly less with each scan. Altho still burst in to tears at the last one as soon as I saw movement! I think once I know everything is developing as it should and I start feeling proper movement I'll feel a bit more relaxed, I hope so anyway. The bump is now noticeable as a bump so I just keep telling myself something must be happening in there! I have an anterior placenta so at least that's a little reassurance as to why I've not felt anything yet. I've actually had the easiest pregnancy with zero symptoms so should be sailing through if only my stupid brain would let me!

Congratulations!
My road was not as long as yours but I definitely recognise the anxiety. I'm having my baby today. It was only after the 20 week scan that I really started to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. But i still felt anxious, and especially coming up to the birth.

My advice to you would be: you cantchange the outcome of the scan. Dont borrow worry. Engage in active relaxation every day - breathe, yoga, meditation, whatever works for you. Look after yourself physically and mentally. Control the things you can control and look after the other. Enjoy your bump growing, strangers and loved ones and vague acquaintances taking joy in your pregnancy.

You will feel the baby move and it's a gorgeous thing. Savour it. You don't get want to get to D day and look back and have forgotten or being distracted from enjoying being pregnant, in the moment.

Channel the main character energy! Sending you very best wishes.

@Whataretheodds thank you so much for taking the time to reply..wow you must be so excited!
Everything you said is what I've been telling myself I know worrying changes nothing and my family tell me to just enjoy it, although I hide my fear from them a bit..I feel like everyone close has been through the journey with us so guess it feels like an extra pressure somehow as they are all so happy for us. DH is great but doesn't really understand why I'm so worried when everything has been fine..he has a point know!
Anyway huge good luck today hope all goes well for you!

Thank you!

It's so hard when people tell you to relax! It feels like they're saying "your fears are silly and invalid". I have to practice translating it in my head - eg "they're reminding me to find 3 things to be grateful for today" or "this is a reminder to take the time for that pregnancy yoga class"

You've got this!

I just had my 20week scan this week. It’s our first child after Icsi ivf. I have only felt a few flutters too, nothing more. All went well though!

@JRTfan I've had zero symptoms aswell and you'd think it would be a blessing but in reality I think it fueled my anxiety in first trimester

I totally know how you feel, I was the same. I was just in a constant state of anxiety for the first 18/19 weeks before I started feeling movements. I think it’s just the unknown and having to blindly trust everything is okay! Now 28 weeks and being kicked constantly I am finally enjoying my pregnancy more, in my experience once you start feeling movements it is so so much easier to relax because it’s a constant reminder that they are okay! X

Thank you @Mrsttcno1 it's good to know I'm not the only one. I think I've felt the odd flutter but can't be sure, hopefully it won't be too long until I feel proper kicks but doubt it'll be before my scan. Not too long left for you then..
@NightSkyWanderer it's a blessing not to have symptoms but also very strange as it's so difficult to get your head round being pregnant and feeling totally normal! I went to my 8 week scan absolutely convinced there was nothing in there!

Hello how did this turn out? Was all well?

@QuickLimeShark Hi! Yes we have a beautiful 6 week old dd. Dramatic entrance in to the world with an Emcs but she's worth all the worry!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm fifteen weeks pregnant with our longed for IVF baby and have been worrying non-stop since the test came back positive.
I am extremely anxious at the best of times but my anxiety levels have been sky-high throughout my pregnancy. I think it's hard to believe that something so wonderful is finally happening to us and I'm just permanently terrified that something could go wrong. I had a day of feeling joyful after the positive test then three weeks of non-stop panic before we had our viability scan at the IVF clinic at 7 weeks. That put my mind at rest for a day or two before I started worrying again. I went for a reassurance scan at 10 weeks which really did help calm my fears until our 12 week NHS scan a couple of weeks ago. Thank god, all looked fine there and the enhanced screening tests all came back showing a very low risk which has helped a bit. I've got another 16 week reassurance scan booked in at the private clinic for next week as I know that I'll be a nervous wreck if I have to wait for my 20 week scan in September. I know these extra scans aren't recommended for everyone, but I have found them helpful for my mental well-being.
It really is hard when you can't yet feel baby moving as you have no indication of what is going on in there which is so disconcerting. I've got a little bump now which is comforting but I don't think I'll start to relax until I can feel movement, though knowing me I'll probably still be a bundle of nerves after that, I can always find something to fret about!
My husband is wonderful and tries to tell me not to worry unnecessarily as it doesn't really help. Unfortunately, trying to switch off my overactive, over-anxious brain is easier said than done!
No advice really, just wanted to express some solidarity and support from a fellow anxious expectant mum!