Anxious about pregnancy weight gain! How to manage these feelings ?

[blueyavocado]

My pre-pregnancy weight is 52kg I'm currently 65kg at 34 weeks - I've put on 13kg so far which feels like a lot.

MIL made a comment earlier about staying active and being careful with the fat on my hips and thighs. She said I would need to work at it afterwards to get the weight off. It's not the first time she's made this comment. She also she said she was back in her pre-pregnancy jeans 3 weeks after birth. I just feel so much pressure to return to my normal size

I just feel so anxious about it all, I had anorexia for 10+ years and only have recovered in the last 2-3 years.

Your MIL is a witch. Weight gain is normal during pregnancy and your baby needs it. You're doing really well.

I had anorexia for over 10 years too and can completly emphasize with you! It's never okay for people to comment on body size especially when you're pregnant!
It's so hard to adjust but I promise it gets easier. I am pregnant with my third now and my pre pregnancy weight with my first child was the target I was set in hospital a few years before. If I'm really honest with myself, I found it really hard to stay in that target, and I now see that that's because it was unrealistic as an adult to stay the same weight a doctor told me I should be at 16 years old. I'm now (when I'm not pregnant) about 10kg over that target weight and that's where my body sits naturally because it's my set point, and I get compliments on my figure. It's hard to see things for what they are when you are so fresh into recovery. When baby is here it all starts to fall into place and gives a new purpose to life, they help you focus on what life is really about and I don't think I could ever have got so far in recovery without having my babies because my mind would've still been stuck in that place of trying to hold onto all those unrealistic expectations and pressure on myself.
Would it help to tell your MIL a bit about your history yo help her understand how unhelpful she's being?

Thank you for sharing :) yeah I've explained to her before and about the osteoporosis I have as a result but it doesn't seem to sink in . I think I'll try and explain again , it might be hard for her to imagine as she didn't know me back then

You are well within the normal weight range. Please don't worry and let your body do its thing! Don't listen to anyone else talk about your weight and set boundaries. Just cut her off or change the topic. Don't even worry about explaining it to anyone. Get only your doctor's advice and exercise, not to lose weight, but to maintain a healthy weight and get blood to the baby and help with positioning.
My pre pregnancy weight was 64kg. 3 months in I'm the same. so I'll be well into the 70s or even 80s by the end , but I'm not worried because I know my body will get back, even if it takes time.

I'm sorry about your ED and obviously it's normal to put on weight in pregnancy but also normal to worry. It really does bounce back usually.

On another note, your MIL sounds like a demon and for your ongoing mental health I would seriously consider how much time you want to spend with her. The comments only get worse and hit harder when baby is born. I would call her out and shut it down or stop seeing her.

I went from a size 6 up to a 14 in my last pregnancy. It's hard. But your baby needs you to eat healthy! Don't stress about the weight it will stress your baby. You are growing a human being your body is doing something amazing so you have to give it a break and let it do what it does. Weight gain is normal in pregnancy. Your MIL is a witch. Back to pre baby clothes 3 weeks after is ridiculous. Once baby arrives you then need to focus on baby not dieting and exercise. It takes me 2 years to loose my baby weight and I'm proud of that I even think if we don't loose all the baby weight so fucking what so long as we are healthy weight it's fine.

Wtf is wrong with your mil to make such a tactless comment 🥺🥺🥺

No real advice but I struggled massively with weight gain in pregnancy. I hated it. and peoples stupid comments didn't help- I had similar from my mil

I feel like these days we are all expected to stay slim even when pregnant and then be back in a bloody size 8 with a perfect body two minutes after giving birth, the pressure is real

hugs x

@blueyavocado Your MIL is a bitch. For the sake of your own mental health I would establish some very firm boundaries now before baby is born.

You’re doing great 😊 not long to go now. Do you know if you’re having a boy or girl?

I know your past ED will probably affect the way you think of the weight gain but try to see it logically. That 13kg is not just a layer of fat that you’ve put on! There’s a whole new human, the amniotic fluid, the placenta, the breast tissue, and a hugely increased blood supply 😅 That all has to weigh something!

And well done to you for overcoming your ED. I was there as my best friend went through years of hell with one and it really isn’t an easy thing to overcome ❤️ It takes a really strong person.

It's really hard to cut her off as we currently live with her, I just walked away earlier and my DP said to her that I am doing well and I am fine

No advice but lots of sympathy, I feel the same. I'm so nauseous, all I can eat is crappy white carbs and sweets, I can't exercise cause of the nausea and exhaustion, and I can feel myself getting fat. It doesn't help that the 4 other women I know in my close circle who have given birth in the last few years have ALL kept their figure, exercised throughout, never complained of any symptoms and looked fucking gorgeous. I am 8 weeks along and already look like a beached whale. It's making me feel like such a failure.

We're supposed to just care about our babies, our bodies are making a human etc, but I'm still a woman, an individual, surely I don't just stop to matter. I also have a hip injury and extra weight will make the pain so much worse. I can't afford to spend a year trying to lose the weight after I give birth, I'll be in agony!

@blueyavocado with all due respect to your Mother in law she needs to shut the fuck up. Don’t let toxic people get to your head. I am also having similar thoughts but probably because I’m currently to pregnant and I am also someone who’s recovered from eating disorder and self image issues which I obtained after having heard comments from my family when I was a teenager.
Because I’ve thought about this I’ve read about it and 13Kg weight gain in pregnancy is normal.
My pre pregnancy weight is 54kg. I am ok even if end up 60 after this baby comes out. Few kilos is not a big deal.
From those 13Kg approx 11 is baby, fluids, placenta and about 2kg is your actual gain and those are rookie numbers. Getting 2kg off is easy, the skin will shrink aswell with time and there are exercises you will be able to do to target split muscles on the abdomen.
dont you worry and tell your MIL to go and do one!

My SIL is a recovering anorexic and the tiniest comment can be such a set back, but this was far from a tiny comment. Please recognise how well you are doing, how much nutrition your baby is getting and how strong you are to be able to listen to guff like this and not turn it in on yourself. You are doing what needs to be done and you are doing it so well.

I'm 35 weeks and have gained 42 pounds - over the recommended amount. I am eating good food (just rather a lot!) and I am happy that my appetite will return to normal post-pregnancy, as it did the last two times. My weight will also return to its pre-pregnancy levels, as it did before.

Remember how far you've come. You are amazing.

I also suffered with anorexia i was ok for a while then 7 years ago i had my last baby and weighed myself and it all started again, i started to recover again and i am now pregnant and at my booking appointment they told me i had a high bmi now! So i understand how you feel i wish they hadnt told me that as i am now so scared of putting on weight in my pregnancy i am eating as i feel too ill if i dont but mentally it is so hard

Can you ditch the scales?

Tabitha Farrah has written lots of helpful books on recovering from anorexia, Fear of weight gain is a good one.

It's really hard but keep going and push past the anxiety for yourself and your baby. It is completely normal to gain weight during pregnancy.

Oh my god!! Your MIL needs to buzz off what a wicked woman!!

First of all congratulations on your pregnancy and looking after that little miracle so well.

Having fairly recently had a baby (she's 6 months old now) I can honestly say I never, not once, weighed myself while pregnant. I have no idea how much weight I put on but am very active and went to the gym every day throughout. I knew I'd obsess with it and at the end of the day most of the weight is unavoidable. I ballooned towards to the end, had a chubby little face and chunky thighs, but it was all WATER!!

I was back in my normal clothes after a week or so. Didn't even wear jeans for months after anyway as lived in comfies (leggings, big knickers - the aftermath is uncomfortable I'm afraid!)

Much if it is taken up by the baby, water, blood (this increases by around 45%) I'm sure very little will actually be "fat". And once baby is born you'll lose the water weight.

Don't let one ignorant comment make you anxious. Even if you have put on a little weight, who cares?!!! Your body is creating this wonderful little being who you're soon to meet, once they're here you won't think about it and you'll be running around in no time taking baby out in the pram etc it'll just drop off you.

But I'm begging you not to let this get into your head.

That last thing your newborn needs is you to worry about your weight and watch what you eat. Your baby needs you to be healthy and you need the energy for the night feeds 😉

Sounds like you need to move out asap and DP needs to manage his horrific mother until you do.

Please don't listen to MIL.. I know its hard to ignore comments but they are really unhelpful and you just need to focus on you and baby. You have gained a healthy amount of weight for your pregnancy.

I weighed 54kg pre pregnancy and now sitting at around 74kg at 35 weeks which was a bit of a shock but I am trying not to care because my baby is healthy and that's all that matters. I have had unhelpful comments made such as 'you'll be back in your jeans a few days after birth'. I don't want that pressure thank you, fitting in my jeans postpartum is the least of my worries! It's really hard to not take these comments to heart but please try to ignore people who offer unsolicited advice and make comments about your weight.

I think you need to look to move out as soon as you can. If she feels comfortable critiquing you now, that won’t change once there’s a baby, and you need to be able to settle and feel confident. I appreciate that’s easier said than done though with finances.
in the meantime try to set some boundaries. ‘Please don’t talk about my body mil’ ‘I don’t want to discuss my weight’ ‘if I am looking for advice i will come to you’ type comments may help just shut her down. Your dp may need to be a bit more forceful too.
obviously you then risk her kicking off and kicking you out so only you know how far you can take that, but for your relationship you need to feel safe and protected and for your Mh and Ed recovery someone being so vile to you is not good.

What a cow bag!!!?

Pre pregnancy I weighed 9 stone, by the end I’d put on 3 stone and I wasn’t pigging out, honest 🤪 I had two sister in laws that were back in their pre pregnancy jeans after 3 weeks, it took me a year.

I ate healthily and exercised, try pushing the pram up hill, great for your core and bottom. Enjoy the experience of being a mum and TRY to ignore the cow bag, she’s a freak of nature.