Anxiety over paternity

[Lemonybalm]

Hello, I am trying to control my anxiety but I keep having moments of total panic about my unborn babies’ paternity.

I had sex with A on 22/08 and got my period on 23/08. Then I had sex with B on 7/09. On the days leading up to 7/09 I was using an ovulation tester which showed I reached peak on 7/09 apparently. So I didn’t feel too stressed about paternity when I found out I was pregnant on 23/09. B and I were trying to conceive.

At both 12 week and 20 weeks scans, date of conception is showing as 8/09. I also had sex with B on that day. Due date is 31/05. I usually have 32ish day cycle so all seems to confirm B is the father.

But my anxiety means I just keep thinking what if I actually had a first ovulation during first days of my period. It seems impossible but it’s making me go insane and ruining my pregnancy in some way. A is black and B is white and I just keep picturing the baby coming out and B being heartbroken and everyone hating me. It’s making me so nervous about the big day. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve even looked up paternity testing even though I haven’t told a soul. But it’s so expensive I feel like I’m being ridiculous. Please help.

I mean this with kindness but why were you tracking ovulation and planning to get pregnant with B yet having (potentially?) unprotected sex with someone else?

The chances are that it's B as you had a period in between the two. It's impossible not to worry, but there's very little you can actually do until the baby is here now as I'm pretty sure any DNA test requires permission from the man

How did you get on? What did you do in the end?

Thanks for your concern @Gar98 I’m trying to manage my anxiety over this but not always easy. I try to remind myself that it’s almost impossible that it’s A. I would have had to ovulate during my period and for everything else (ovulation test, dating scan) to be wrong. I remind myself that I deserve to enjoy my pregnancy.
@littlemousebigcheese I would ask B to do a DNA test to put my mind at rest if it wasn’t £800. We are non-exlusive and have decided to coparent. But I don’t want to worry him about this if we’re not going to do a test. I have thought about spending the money but have decided against it for the moment. Still plays on my mind though.

I forgot to mention that the sex was indeed unprotected with both (which is what I will always regret) but A did not come inside me. B did, several times.

Thanks for your help.

It's so unlikely to be A, please try not to worry. It will be ok xxx

Just wanted to update. I decided to do the test in the end as it was really affecting my mental health during pregnancy. I am now reassured and can enjoy my pregnancy and go through birth with more peace of mind.

Forgot to say I didn’t tell B in the end as he is abroad and I didn’t want to dampen his soon to be parent mood if could be avoided. I asked A to do the test. I was scared of his reaction but he wasn’t nervous about it at all. He agreed to put my mind at rest. So all is well that ends well thankfully.

did you get the results you wanted then? Glad your feeling better now as it’s stressful enough without having that hanging over you too.

My friend was in a similar situation and it was the second guy that got her pregnant and not the first. Funny how it all works and isn’t so straight forward