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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Can't get over fear im going to have a miscarriage 13+weeks

3 replies

MoonstoneAndRoseQuartz · 18/01/2024 22:52

I'm currently 14 weeks and had my 13 week scan. Baby was fine but measured several days behind at 12+2 ivf pregnancy so dates exact I'm just convinced the baby's heart is not longer beating.
I am really struggling to enjoy pregnancy and focus on a normal life . I'm constantly in my own thoughts feeling stressed and I'm not sleeping well.
I know people will tell me to chill out and relax the chances are low statistically but I'm looking at it like well somebody has to be that statistic don't they. Came across a comment of a girl saying her baby died at 14 weeks and it's sent me spiralling again. I've had really terrible cramping all week and lower back pain and I'm just freaking myself out now that it's related to baby being behind . My midwife dismissed my fears and won't give me a scan to check baby is ok to ease my stress because I'm not having bleeding. You don't have to have bleeding.
I've had a past miscarriage but very early.
Really struggling to know what to do at this point . I've already had a private scan at new year so can't really afford £80 for another scan this month

OP posts:
Govangirl · 19/01/2024 00:08

Oh OP, I think your fears are quite normal, I certainly convinced myself I was having a miscarriage/going into very early labour multiple times.

There could be loads of reasons as to why baby is measuring a few days behind, and it may be that they catch up, or they’re just born a bit on the smaller side. The midwife would have been able to see that baby’s heart was beating, and if it wasn’t she would have told you.

The lower back pain can be debilitating at times, but is also very normal. All of your muscles and ligaments are adjusting to this new weight inside you. The cause of the cramps may vary - I had horrible pains all round the sides of my lower tummy, exactly like period pains, and I was terrified. It was just my womb stretching to adjust for the baby, hence why it can feel very similar to a period cramp.

You said it yourself, the baby was fine at your scan. There is no reason to believe that anything has changed in the meantime. The little angels give us so much cause to fret and worry, I know, but what you’re experiencing is normal, even the concerns.

I’d have a chat with the GP to talk about how it’s making you feel, and the fact you’re not able to go about your day to day without feeling this anxiety and stress. Your next scan, whether it be NHS or private, will show you there’s nothing to be scared of, I’m sure. X

Colourfulflowers · 19/01/2024 16:14

Hi @MoonstoneAndRoseQuartz
Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy.
I'm so sorry you’ve experienced miscarriage before and are feeling anxious since your 12 wk scan. I can relate to this too. I’m 22wks pregnant (all going well), and have experienced miscarriage in the past too. After my 12 wk scan I felt so happy, but then about a week later the anxiety kicked in again. It’s so tough because you can’t actually see what’s going on inside your body. I’ve experienced the symptoms you mention too (cramping, back pain, stress, poor sleep) and I’ve found some of the symptoms very confusing, all that being said everything has been completely fine for me so far, and I’ve seen lots of other women experiencing the same too with successful pregnancies. I would say if do have concerns it’s best to speak to your midwife or GP, for reassurance and peace of mind. Wishing you and your pregnancy well xxx

SummerInSun · 19/01/2024 16:22

Not remotely unusual to find a pregnancy where you've struggled to conceive and or had an early loss very stressful. I know I did. Once you get to about 20 weeks and feel regular movement from the baby you'll at least have that to reassure you. (I remember obsessively drinking cold glasses of water and then counting how many kicks I got each hour.). I'm the meantime, can you afford a private "reassurance" scan? Lots of private clinics will do those. Or is there a hospital near you with an Early Pregnancy Unit that you can go along to and just sit and wait in the queue? If you explain your symptoms and say it's really harming your mental health after your previous loss they will probably do it for you.

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