Unplanned - How did you feel?

[G1994]

How did you feel the first few weeks from finding out you were pregnant if unplanned?

In the build up to my missed period due to symptoms, I was feeling a bit nervous and excited. I felt like I was really onboard with the possibility of becoming a mum. I found out two weeks ago I was pregnant and again, felt quite excited but excited. However since then, I have been so up and down with my feelings, not just about pregnancy but about everything in life.

I don’t know if it’s the hormones but like some days, I just feel like I’m so so so depressed. In regards the the pregnancy, every single day is a mix of emotions one minute I’m driving in my car smiling at the thought of a car seat and mini me sitting in then the next I’m thinking is this for me? Is this what I want? So I go from happy excitement to absolute fear and questioning everything. I then go into a horrific numb state because it’s like I cannot handle the rollercoaster of emotions. Maybe I’m in shock.

Is this normal? I assume not for the people who have tried so hard for children, and for that I feel so guilty feeling like this but for the people who were surprised, is it normal?

Will it get easier when I get my first scan and see the baby? Please can someone just help me understand my feelings :(

Ours wasn't entirely unplanned, but unexpected. We hadn't used contraception for over 3 years but had assumed it just wasn't going to happen for us and stopped actively 'trying' some time ago.

We both still had a rollercoaster of feelings about it, I think that's perfectly normal. FWIW for me the 12 weeks scan did cement everything and I haven't had a 'are we doing the right thing' moment since then.

Totally normal. My unplanned one is in their 20s and I still feel a bit "wtf am I doing?!" at times

Oh and back then you only had a scan at 20 weeks so I was convinced until then it was actually all just cake

Totally normal.
i was shaking when i got my positive test. I was petrified and didn’t tell anyone for a few days. Then saw my mom and burst into tears.

it was totally unexpected because I was on the pill.( took a test as no breakout bleed, boobs hurt and I could smell EVERYTHING) I had a lot of struggles in my head but decided to keep the baby. Telling the father was interesting 😂
Still had some back and forth in my head for ages. It’s all worked out for the best. Yes, it’s really hard at times but I couldn’t imagine life without my tiny human/devil 😂

Both mine were 'surprises'
I think that's the best way.

You haven't mentioned anything about the baby's dad in your whole post, as surely his feelings about this matter too?

I've had both unplanned and planned pregnancies (current one is planned) and honestly, a planned one is SO much nicer (for me personally, can't speak for everyone else). There was no fear of my partners reaction and we both got excited together.

I got pregnant even though I had a coil fitted and it was a huge shock, obviously.

I was very similar to how you describe but with the added fear of what it meant medically falling pregnant with a coil in situ. Luckily it could be removed safely and my son is now snoring away in his bed as I type and he is my joy.

A big factor is how partner reacts in this scenario - I distinctly remember the fear that he would freak out and the relief when I saw his face break into a beaming smile.

@G1994 Are you in a good place socially, mentally and financially to have a child?

My third child wasn’t planned, a complete shock. I took the test and cried and cried. I couldn’t even tell my husband for three days, I pretended I was ill! I finally told him and he was overjoyed, but it took me such a long time to come around to the idea. I worried that I wouldn’t love the baby as much as my two planned children and right up to the birth I still wasn’t sure how I felt. I immediately adored her exactly the same as her siblings and I looking back I can’t believe I felt like that for 7 months. We even went on to have a fourth!

Hysterical. That’s how I felt. My first was only 14 months and second was unplanned. I cried for days and days. I honestly felt sick with the guilt looking at my first thinking I’ve ruined his wee life. He will never remember being the only one n how he had all our attention, I also felt sick with worry coz my husband cannot cope when he’s tired he becomes a moody dick. Anyway fast forward… as time went on I grew more used to the idea now I have my two babies. The older one loves his baby brother so much as do we. It is a shock to the system wen it’s unplanned.

My third wasn't planned, I was a mess emotionally. I went from feeling really low, crying most days to panic about how we could afford another. Was so sick, More than I had been with my other 2, was convinced there was something wrong and it was my fault because I didn't want the baby. Fast forward to 12 week scan, turned out to be twins. More crying & panic. At 14 weeks, had massive bleed and blamed myself that I could be loosing them but all was ok. Had 4 under 4 for few weeks. Now I have nearly 6 year old twins and I wouldn't change my crazy life for anything!!

I think it's normal to be up and down emotionally. Just keep talking to those around you. Hope it all
goes well for you.

Well my fifth, latest/final pregnancy (currently 36weeks) was definatly not planned! Was in shock & felt guilty also towards our little boy who had just turned 6months old too when I found out.. but a life is a life so going down a different route wasn't an option for us! I'm sure you'll be fine once you have had your first scan and reality sinks in then your natural mothers instinct will just kick in don't forget your hormones are going crazy & will reek havoc with your emotions/mental state, it's normal to feel ok 1 minute, then scared the next - I take it this is your first? ofcoarse your going to feel up & down as you have never had a baby/being pregnant before so it's all new to you.. have you got a good support network around you? x

third not planned but she's my delight and I couldn't love her anymore. what a gift!

Mine wasn't planned but we were planning to start trying in the next six months (mainly when we both lived in the same country 😂)

I felt a mix of excitement and sheer panic, obviously there was the living situation, I wasn't where I wanted to be financially and there is a major issue with Taylor Swift tickets.

But I also feel really lucky that it happened that one time and everything is now coming together.

Everyone is different of course so don't feel like you should feel lucky, or anything else, but how you're feeling is definitely normal xx

My third was totally unplanned and I felt sick to my stomach. I seriously considered a termination but when I got to the clinic I just didn't have the courage to go through with it. Eventually I had to tell my husband. I thought he would go totally bananas but he didn't. In fact he didn't react at all or say anything. He just went white as a ghost - I've never seen the colour drain from anybody so quickly. That told me everything I needed to know.

My son is now nearly 15 and although my husband has never complained or treated him any differently, I know it's not what he wanted. It kept him in a job he hated which took a toll on his health. Eventually he inherited enough to pay the mortgage off and clear all our debts whereby he felt he'd done enough. He wasn't the same man after that. He joined a small company which took him all around the world and he threw himself into making it a success. He judges himself solely by that success.

I asked him once if he regretted having our son, and he simply replied that he hadn't neglected his responsibility. It's hard to realise that he sees it like that , in fact I'm sure he sees it as his fault.

Did I make the right decision and would I do the same again ?. That's a very difficult question to answer. But then I'm sure my husband has has the same.

My 3rd was unplanned and it was awful. Really really hard to deal with emotionally, to the point I was under the care of the perinatal mental health team.

I found there was a lot of support for women who had terminations, or miscarriages, but nothing really for those just keeping the baby but needing help to process that decision. None of my friends or family really understood as they thought it was just a lovely surprise and a blessing etc.

It was made all the more complex by the fact that I'd had my first two children via IVF as we couldn't conceive (or so we thought!).

It has worked out fine now and I'm delighted with my 3rd. She's been the most incredible gift. But dealing with the unexpected pregnancy was so, so much harder than I ever expected.

Two unplanned and one planned. First unplanned was they best hung in the world. Second I couldn't afford the father was abusive and I was trying to leave and should have aborted but couldn't bring myself to. I was never happy in that pregnancy and now I have the child I love him and he's never treated differently but I always say if you don't feel right about a pregnancy don't continue it. Thursday planned and his dad got me pregnant and promptly fucked off so that really upset me I wanted to experience the happy planned baby to motherhood 🤷‍♀️

This is EXACTLY what happened with us and how I felt too! Although I still have moments of worry about how life will change - this is soooo natural.

I found out a week ago that I’m pregnant with DC3 and I’m still in shock and haven’t told DH. Or anyone.

Im so worried about how it will impact my career and my time with my DCs (5 and 3). I think I’m just in denial still.