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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

To inform ex on birth of baby

15 replies

laylarose24 · 16/01/2024 20:55

Evening all,
Was hoping for some advice. I’m currently 8 months pregnant and split from my ex a week before finding out I was pregnant (contraception failure). The relationship had not been very long term and reason for splitting was cheating on his part. He became ‘official’ with other woman a few days after we split.

I informed him as soon as I found out and at first he seemed quite positive about it. A week later he was very insistent I terminated the pregnancy and that he wanted nothing to do with the baby or I. I decided to continue with the pregnancy and informed him he was welcome to be a part of the babies life and to let me know if he wanted updates regarding the pregnancy/baby to which he blocked me off everything.
The last time I heard from him was when he rang on a withheld number when I was about 2 months to tell me that he was now in a happy relationship with the woman he cheated on me with and that she was also pregnant and their baby was going to be so loved.. I replied saying it was none of my business and to please only contact me if it was regarding the baby. He then denied he’s the father and I’ve never heard from him since.

Ive been happily getting on with my pregnancy, have a great support network and everything ready for babies arrival. He recently came up in my people you may know on Facebook so must have unblocked me but there is no option to message so presume he has kept me blocked on Facebook messenger. He also no longer seems to be in a relationship with the other woman (it was previously on his social media). I actually saw the other woman recently while doing my food shop (I doubt she knows anything about me). She was wearing a tight jumper and there was no sign of a bump. I presume he’s either made the entire pregnancy up in a bid I would terminate or she has miscarried/terminated.

As my due date gets closer, I’m wondering whether, when, how and if to inform him that the baby has arrived. In all honestly I much rather do it alone but of course if he wanted to be in the babies life then I would encourage a relationship between them. I know he was moving address shortly after we split so don’t have a clue where he lives. Realistically the only way I could contact him would be off another phone number (which I don’t have) or a withheld number which I don’t want to do as it seems quite harassing to do so.
I’m happy to leave the ball in his court but then wondering if it’s best to have a paper trail that he has been informed of the birth incase he tries to use it against me in the future.

Any advice appreciated :-)

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright2 · 16/01/2024 21:01

Honestly I do always say beware what you wish for .

he knows you are pregnant . He can count . If you are blocked you can’t contact him . You will have enough to do without chasing someone who can contact you .

TeaKitten · 16/01/2024 21:02

No do not make contact. He will be able to work it out within a month of the baby being born as he knows you are pregnant, so there’s no need to inform him. He can unblock you and message you any time he wants. Ball is already in his court so don’t track him down any further, just enjoy your baby.

lavenderphase · 16/01/2024 21:07

I wouldn't tell him. He's not interested and I sense you'll be inviting a world of pain into your life if you do.

I know people will say your baby needs a dad but I'm not sure that piece of shit counts.

If he does want to be a dad, he'll contact you. I would also be cautious if any of his family get in touch. He might have told them and they might be curious.

Flippingfruitflies · 16/01/2024 21:16

No don’t inform him. I was in your position 27 years ago. I did inform him but he didn’t want to know. Im pleased. Brought her up myself without stress. She had a stable happy childhood . She’s a happy well adjusted adult now.

Snowydaysfaraway · 16/01/2024 21:17

Your dc is better off without a df than the one you seem so keen to foist on them..

laylarose24 · 16/01/2024 21:18

Thanks all :) That was my thoughts. Guess I will see if he will be in touch (hopefully not!).

OP posts:
sprigatito · 16/01/2024 21:19

Get CMS to inform him

CeeceeBloomingdale · 16/01/2024 21:22

sprigatito · 16/01/2024 21:19

Get CMS to inform him

My thoughts exactly

laylarose24 · 16/01/2024 21:23

@Snowydaysfaraway I haven’t contacted him during the pregnancy and have no intention of foisting him on DC.

OP posts:
Snowydaysfaraway · 16/01/2024 21:24

No need to tell him anything at all then...

Toooldtoworry · 16/01/2024 21:27

sprigatito · 16/01/2024 21:19

Get CMS to inform him

I agree

caringcarer · 16/01/2024 21:39

If you know where he lives or works contact CMS.

Vinrouge4 · 16/01/2024 21:52

Go it alone. You don’t need that loser in your lives.

PronounsBaby · 17/01/2024 00:06

Would you be able to claim CMS if he's not on the birth certificate?

GrannyRose15 · 17/01/2024 00:13

Do everything you can to make sure he knows that the birth has happened. If you ever want any financial support from him you will need evidence that he knows the baby exists. After that just leave it to him if he wants contact. Get on with your own life with your baby. Good luck.

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