Social services

[Mumto3and2stepkids]

I have a 7 month old, 18 month old and a 12 year old.

when my 7 month old Wes 3 weeks the younger 2 got taken to my mums and I did everything they asked to show it was just a blip and they do say it themselves now. It only took me 2 and half months to get them back. They said they have never seen anyone get their kids back so fast and are on about taking them off the care plan altogether in march. I have just found out I’m pregnant again (really early due in September) I don’t want to tell the social worker yet with how early it is. I’m worried there going to stay involved longer than needed due to me been pregnant.

nothing had to go to court either

im keeping on top of everything and on my own at that, there dads only home on a weekend and he is still supervised by myself at the moment and I can’t see that changing anytime soon. I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to tell my family yet, we had 2 miscarriages before my 18 month old aswell so don’t want to jinx anything either.

any advice would really help

Why were the children removed from your care? You say your partner has to be supervised by you which is not usual in domestic abuse cases but might be because he has drug or alcohol issues for example.
Having 3 children so close together is going to be incredibly difficult even without whatever situation led to the children's social care involvement. You might be best to ask for the support and advice of the social worker, transparency will be viewed more positively than trying to hide a pregnancy when your children are under a plan. Is it child in need or child protection? What were the grounds for the plan and what did you need to evidence to get them back?

Children wouldn’t be removed if it were a child in need plan as involvement is based on the Mother’s consent.

you need to be open with the social worker. It will do you no favours to hide anything and will potentially put your other children at risk.

I have to say it seems incredibly irresponsible getting pregnant so quickly when you are already exposing your other children to being on a plan.

It wasn’t irresponsible, it wasn’t planned and we was been safe with protection. I’m a person that will never get rid of a child but we didn’t plan on having anymore and it is the same dad as the younger two, he is waiting to have the snip as like I said we didn’t want anymore kids but if god believes one more was on the cards that’s his plan not mine.

they was removed due to my mental health (due to a few losses in the family I didn’t believe in myself and I signed a section 20) and dads drinking and anger problems, I’m on top of my mental health fully now and dad isnt living at home due to him still getting help for his problems but was aloud for 2 weeks over Xmas and every weekend for 2 nights.

I don’t see it as exposing my children, I saw it as asking for help as a person that doesn’t ask for help. I might have social services involved but I asked for help, they didn’t get involved due to someone calling them or the police reporting it. I asked, they gave me the options and I chose best for my kids.

Having another baby by an angry drunk will absolutely be cause for concern with SS considering the rates of domestic violence increase dramatically during pregnancy/newborn phase. I'm quite sure 'God' wouldn't plan for another kid to live in an abusive situation.

It obviously depends on your particular circumstances, but I know a couple of instances where the midwife/doctor has had to inform SS when someone is pregnant.

You're probably better to keep being honest and asking for help, because you're going to need it, SS won't tell your family, but they should have the full details of everything so they can offer you the best support (there is also no such thing as 'jinxing' a pregnancy).

I'd have an abortion asap. You've got to think of the existing children's welfare and stability as your priority. It sounds like you've got your children with you by the skin of your teeth. It wouldn't take much to tip the situation over again. How are you planning to cope with four children? Is your home big enough? Can you afford it? Put the three kids you've got first.

Having another baby won’t help your mental health. The children won’t have been removed due to your mental health itself but due to the care you were or weren't able to provide for the children.

It’s obvious that you’re going to continue with this pregnancy regardless of the impact on you and your existing children.

All you can do is be honest with SS. Hiding it from them will make things worse.

Good god.

Is this new pregnancy really, REALLY more important than the stability of your existing children? You are barely even responsible for your own children and the "dad" certainly isn't responsible. What sort of scum bag drinks to that extent and apes their kids to be taken from their mum and STILL needs to be monitored and time limited around the kids?

You need to be honest. You not wanting to tell the social worker isn't about it being early. It's 100% about you actually wanting to hide it as you know this isn't going to end well. You know, deep down inside, that this baby is going to be a a mistake and STILL you will have it and prioritise yourself and what you seem to think you "need" over what your actual living children not only need but deserve.

You are creating a very traumatic childhood for your children. They deserve so much better. I'm guessing you don't work and so this means that you won't get extra money for your new baby. You are actively •choosing • to deprive your existing children of funds the government give them to survive in the bare minimum. With all this upset you are very likely not meeting their emotional, social or basic needs either. Never mind having enough food to put into their mouths.

This new baby is not going to fill the empty hole inside you, that has likely been created by your own traumatic childhood. Please. Think about your existing kids. Get rid of the man, get rid ofthe pregnancy and be the mum your kids deserve and put them first.

I think hiding your pregnancy may make matters worse tbh. Your children were removed into the care of your mother and not your partner which speaks volumes. I think they were probably removed more to do with your partners drinking and anger management than your mental health tbh. Do the right thing by your children, get rid of the drunken abusive male and keep them safe.

The GP will inform social services and keeping it from them won't look good. Is this really the best thing for your existing kids? You have options.

I know this is difficult, but 4 children is a lot to raise in a happy, healthy, fiancially stable, 2 parent home. The whole God wants me to have another baby is just indoctrination designed to keep you down, and the more babies you bring in the harder it will be for you. You still have options.

Agree entirely with all of this.

Was going to say exactly what @greasypolemonkeyman said. You've saved me lots of typing time. Although I doesn't seem OP is able to make an informed and considered decision. Sadly i imagine this new pregnancy won't be the last. They will carry their childhood trauma into adulthood and likely continue the cycle.

Hi
a section 20 would only be proposed by the social worker if they had serious concerns, although the way you have worded this is like it was a choice, and it is the outcome of you not signing it would be a police protection order prior to court proceedings. Section 20s aim to keep families working with services and keep children in the family rather than taking them into other foster accommodation. They can also only be signed of the social worker deems you to be capable of doing so with a sound state of mind, so as another person has pointed out probably very little to do with your mental health and more the care being provided for the children or the risk posed by the man you’re in a relationship with.

Ultimately if you don’t inform the social worker someone else will, whether they be the GP, maternity services or if your children are at school the school certainly will as they will already be involved in any ongoing plan in place.

With regards to being careful with contraception clearly this is not the case. Why are you still having sex with this man when he is a risk to you keeping your kids? I would suggest you contact women’s aid if you need support, your social worker can help you do this. You say that you reached out to social services which is positive and shows you identified issues but you are now going backwards.

Hi OP, you should be honest with the social worker about your pregnancy. It sounds like you could do with their support. They'll work hard to keep you and your children together, but you need to work with them and be open and honest with them.

Midwife will inform SS it's your first appointment if you proceed with the pregnancy.
If you're still supervising the Dads contact with your other children, I advise you to think very carefully about having another
Frankly you may risk losing care of all of your DC

“It wasn’t irresponsible, it wasn’t planned and we was been safe with protection. I’m a person that will never get rid of a child but we didn’t plan on having anymore and it is the same dad as the younger two, he is waiting to have the snip as like I said we didn’t want anymore kids but if god believes one more was on the cards that’s his plan not mine”

This is irresponsible and clearly you didn't use protection for someone that didn't want another child. God wouldn't put a baby in this situation. Please tell SS to avoid looking dodgy and suspicious for lack of trust.

I think this makes you a brilliant mother seeking help when you needed it!!! Follow your instincts they haven't led you wrong so far. Your mum is clearly a support for you so she will be there. I wish so many other mums were like you. I'd be truthful and tell them. As you never know what's gonna happen etc

You are hesitating to tell the SW because you know the news of this pregnancy will result in more SW involvement in your life and the life of the angry drinker you are involved with. The involvement will certainly mean less time for you with this man and more supervision of the relationship, perhaps even a clear choice on your part between him and the children.

Maybe you want to maximise the amount of time you get to spend with him before it becomes obvious that you are pregnant? Maybe you don't really believe that this man is a danger to the children? If he wasn't a danger to them, they would have gone to him and not your mother when they were removed from your care.

Who are you trying to protect here?

Who should you be trying to protect here?

Is this real?

Stop having children for the love of sanity.

Fucking hell.

In what world is another baby the right choice to make? You said yourself Dad is/has been angry and has had alcohol problems.

Do the right thing, for the sake of your existing children for christ sake.