How to co parent a newborn

[AngieR87]

Has anyone ever had to co parent with a newborn? How did you make it work? What exactly happened during his visits? How would you handle the situation with a dad who hasn't been there during pregnancy and has been very toxic towards you in your pregnancy?
I'm not longer with the dad and things have not been good between us. I'm just looking for others who may have been through the same situation. I feel a but lost and alone

I wouldn't encourage the relationship. If there's been toxicity pre birth I wouldn't trust him. Supervised visits only hoping it would tail off. I would not want this type alone with baby. No way.

This and don’t add to birth certificate either! It doesn’t stop a CSA claim

Legally because of my situation he has to go on birth certificate

Are you married to him?

Unfortunately yes

Would he behave better if there was a third adult in the house ?

I would get divorced asap. Does he want to co parent, what is he asking for?

I’d be tempted to let him have the newborn by himself for a weekend. He’ll probably get over wanting to coparent after that!!

I hope you don’t have to deal with him for long.

I just don't want to see him at all. But I feel bringing a family or friend into this isn't fair on them

He doesn't have a home...staying with someone else. Apparently getting his own place. So it would have to be at my place which makes me feel better right now cause I can keep an eye on him

@Goldwakeme He hasn't really asked foe anything as such. Just wants contact. He currently doesn't have a home so when babay comes it would need to be at my place for the short term

Give the baby your surname. If still pregnant then move now to wherever you are most likely to get support from family as much harder to move after birth.

Please don’t do this. You’re only punishing your child by denying them the link (if only by name) to their father. When they get older let them decide. But how hurtful would it be for them to realise you deliberately left their father of their birth cert.

I've unfortunately been through this process, married at the time also. First few months he visited the house for two hours at a time and I'd catch up on sleep, take a bath or clean so I was in the house but not with him in the same room. He could take her out for walks etc. I was breastfeeding so no overnights until almost a year old. Its been a difficult process as he is still pushing for shared care but things are much more settled now she's older. It does get easier I promise. You've got it on your side he has no fixed address so can't take the baby away.

I don't agree with the above regarding birth certificate and surname. A child is entitled to both relationships. Have it set in stone what you want, you're the one driving this. Don't let him manipulate or abuse you. If he's toxic let him take it through court to get access and keep as much evidence as you can.

Best of luck, it's really the most awful circumstances to go through at a time you should be excited.

@Shutupandsitdown It's not an option anyway. He legally has to go on.
He said 1 time the baby wasn't his and I tried to trap him....so if I have the option I would maybe have done for those reasons. But your point is 100% valid and I lean more to your side

@Lavendersparkles22
It's so nice to hear from someone who has been through it. I honestly felt this I was thr only one in the world this has happened to. I know in reality it's not but everyone around me has an opinion on the matter but they just don't know what it's like being in my situation.

Can I ask who needed the relationship? It was him who left me and I'm so worried about my emotions when he sees baby (I'm still pregnant).

I appreciate you telling me your situation and it sounds like we would go down a similar one. It sounds like you built up to something. Did you find it hard trusting dad with baby?