Pregnancy loneliness

[Dandelion98]

Hi everyone, this is my first time ever posting here so I’m not sure if I’ve even done it right. Please forgive me if I haven’t 😅

I was wondering if anyone could share their experiences on pregnancy loneliness or tips on how to overcome it?

(Bit of a vent/context) I’m 25, have a small friend group and I’m the first one to be pregnant. I understand we’re all adults and all busy with our lives but I don’t feel like my friends have bothered with me, I actually feel like they’ve included me and talked to me less since I told them I was pregnant. I’m 33 weeks now and it’s been a difficult pregnancy, I’ve got HG, PGP and I’ve spent a lot of time in hospital. When we all talked about meeting up last my friends suggested a pub that was 1.) far away from me, 2.) more for pre-drinks not chilled at all and 3.) would be difficult for me to get to.
so I haven’t seen them. At all. In over 33 weeks. They’ve also barely asked once how I’m doing.

I see my dad and my sister a fair amount, and occasionally talk to my partners mum but I always get a bit nervous when I talk to her so I can’t really open up about how I’m feeling.

I suppose I’m wondering if other people had the same issues with their friends and pregnancy loneliness? Im never usually bothered about being alone and I often used to enjoy it but I now find myself doing things like calling or texting my dad to talk about something he probably thinks is utterly boring because I feel down and end up realising I haven’t said a word in ages or I start to feel very nonexistent :/ . I have a support person from a parents support organisation but I don’t find her very interactive. I am getting talking therapy and I love it but have been unwell recently again and well, my therapist isn’t a friend 😅.

I’m starting to feel like I need new friends and I must be a bit of a loser to not have others…but I’m actually quite introverted and I’m not sure of how to even do that at my big old age 😅 any advice or experiences would be appreciated, 🧡

Ah OP I could’ve written that myself. I’m 27 weeks pregnant with DC2. It is a lonely time and it’s a time where you feel more than ever you need support and distraction. Do you work, have any other friends or even your partner or sibling? Much like you, I don’t have a large friendship group and I’m the first to have DC, so dynamics have changed. I don’t have much advice I’m afraid just that you’re not alone, soon you will have a whole little person to fill all those lonely moments.

Theres apps. I think one is called Peanut
Where mums / Mums to be can make friends

im in my early 20s 17 weeks pregnant I have 0 friends haven't for 5 years now and it doesn't affect me much anymore I have a partner who is all I talk to as im not close with family, I think its sad your friends haven't made an effort but I hear that a lot that when people get pregnant there friends don't bother as much
they know your pregnant too and haven't come to you/ expect you to go to them thats not fair! I hope your ok loneliness isn't a nice feeling
like oP has said there are apps to make mum friends ! maybe give that a go :) also its so hard making friends in your 20s! especially when pregnant as they all just want to go clubbing I find haha I gave up ages ago 😂

I loved going to pregnancy yoga, seeing the same people every week and letting relationships gradually build up from there, rather than finding someone via an app and being under pressure to make fascinating conversation.

It might seem like a while away but once the baby arrives, find a few groups that you like and do the same ones every week. Once you're a 'regular' it'll be easy to spot new people who are on their own and could really use a friend.

That's my technique anyway! I hope you feel better soon. On the upside, those 'forged in fire' friendships i.e. ones made in challenging times such as post-birth are the ones that really last.

Pregnancy can be really lonely even if you had lots of friends pre pregnancy. It’s hard for people to understand how you’re feeling etc.
Once you’ve had the baby you might find your friends become more interested and can support you better.
If you can join some pre pregnancy classes that’s a good way to meet other expectant parents. There are usually exercise classes or swimming groups for pregnant women.
After baby is born it’s great to try to get out to some baby classes - you’ll meet so many parents in a similar position to you. You have to be a bit bold and ask people if they want to go for coffee after class or want to meet up another day etc. But it’s a great way to create a support group with parents of similar aged babies.

Pregnancy can be tough for all sorts of reasons.

My closest friends were not planning on having families and it felt like they wrote me off. They started to leave me out as soon as the baby bump appeared. I think they thought I was a liability because of avoiding alcohol and not being able to do some of their more energetic activities.

I was pretty isolated and lonely until I started NCT and built a new friendship group.

No-one warns you about it, but I found maternity leave horrendously boring and lonely as well. In the end I popped ds in a sling at about 5 weeks and we went hiking that summer. It was the best thing I could have done.

Overall I found surviving motherhood was all about being able to reinvent yourself. Finding new friendship groups, new hobbies with a little one in tow, building a new profile at work, someone who is still valued despite needing to leave on time. But it takes a while to get the hang of it.

Sorry your pregnancy has been tough and your friends have been rubbish

I had PGP and close relatives have had HG, I imagine that in combination it must be really miserable Hang on in there!

I was going to recommend pregnancy yoga - I went and it was just a lovely warm supportive atmosphere. The yoga itself was beneficial but tbh the best bit was being in a group with other pregnant women and feeling a sense of solidarity. I didn't make friends exactly, but had some friendly chats which was enough.

Have you started antenatal classes yet? Many people find that they make lasting friendships at those classes; NCT in particular - people often meet up regularly with their NCT group in the baby stage.

Some other suggestions:

Look up your local branch of Mind and see what support they offer for parents - many of them run a course called "Connecting Mums" which is to support your mental health and help you meet other mums.

Look up your local Child and Family Centre, mine is currently advertising a free birth preparation course.

Sorry you’re feeling like this OP, but I have to ask, have you made any effort with your friends? Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean it should be your friends making all the effort. Don’t forget they will still all have things going on in their own lives as well, and some things you may not be aware of. As well as trying some of the suggestions above to meet new people, why don’t you arrange something with your existing friends and then you can make sure it’s more suitable for you to be able to attend? E.g. suggest a nice lunch in a location that’s easy for everyone to get to?

I feel totally lonely too! I also have no living parents or living siblings and I have always had a big friendship group to sort of make up for the lack of family.

I think its so tricky, but also i don't know about anyone else but after working and trying to be healthy and going to appointments etc i just don't want to do anything. Also insomnia is killing me.

Maybe it's time to make new friends? I truely don't think there's much understanding from others if they haven't experienced pregnany/having kids.

Think of it as a new chapter. Good luck xx

Yes. I have. *tried that is lmfao. One of them consistently asks me to go clubbing with her. Not right now 😂

Thank you for the replies! I’m definitely going to give peanut a go and it’s so nice to not feel alone in this 😊