Childless acquitance asked so much pregnancy questions like an interrogation, why?

[MumDaisy1980]

wonder if anyone experience similar or what do you think?

though excited about upcoming newborn in spring, realise sometimes want to take a break from people who has kids - good to hear experience a little ahead of my own life stage, but sometimes it’s too much. So had a dinner with this acquitance who is 40+ and little older than me. She is In a bf relationship for couple of years and don’t have kids.

this acquitance shared similar interests in some way, we like crafty things … we go check out restaurants in a price range we both feel comfortable. We both similar level of easy going. But I said she is acquitance as in I am clear she is not my friend. Because we knew each other from some network event not long ago and get along OK. Sometimes some values I disagree but I accepted there are differences among people. It’s not end of the world. Could just chat sth else. and we met like once every half a year ?! But each time we met we have enough to chat about over a meal or an event that we both enjoyed.

one thing I don’t understand is she always seems VERY INTERESTED IN MY RELATIONSHIP! OR MY GUT FEELING MAYBE INTERESTED IN MY HUSBAND!!

when meet up she always asked about my husband (which is fine as courtesy asking how’s everything is doing), but usually she would ask more than that. Even my mates/ family member never ask that level of details. Like How’s his job. What is he doing that evening (as I came out to meet her) 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ and she probably only met my husband twice over the number of years I knew her . One time was when we first met in the event (my husband and I went together ). Second time was when my husband pick us up after we went shopping together . We used to live same area so just drop her off on the way. But the second time was the time trigger me to never let her met my husband again. Because part of it just gut feeling and secondly she KEPT TALKING TO MY HUSBAND THE WHOLE CAR JOURNEY!!!! As of like so long time no see, so a proper catch up!! I simply felt odd. (Plus at that time she was single)

Fast forward and that she learnt about my pregnancy recently. There was congrats and came with interrogation level of pregnancy questions the rest of the meet up! From my experience so far , usually people don’t have kids don’t really know what to ask or just keep very generic - how are you feeling?

She asked what did my husband think about the news. Again my gut feeling was she didn’t even ask how I feel about getting pregnant first?! And if preg with husband likely it’s a joint decision. Not like I am a singleton or unplanned. And she did ask me before as soon as I married if I will have kids, at that time I already said we happy to have kids and keep things natural.

Then a long list of questions following the full journey of preg - c section or natural birth , boy or girl, how does shared parental leave works, where you giving birth , how much my husband paternity pay(like in months not the amount) , when will my husband take days off , so you cannot drink alcohol these days, what do you crave . The level of questions I simply shocked.

becoz I also have enough from ppl asking (usually ppl who are also parents) , I had been breaking the topic to hear her travel trips or catch up on other topics . But she would always steer back to the interrogation!

so I asked if she is planning to have kids (because otherwise why asked this level of details ?!?!)

then she kept it very short saying I am not thinking about kids. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I wonder what do you think so far?!

My instinct just don’t feel right about this part of the convo but cannot explain why! 🤯

Thanks!

Is this at all possible that she and he are having an affair? If that's out of the question then I think you can afford to really stop her in her tracks.

Wow, she's probably just trying to be polite and show interest.

@determinedtomakethiswork thanks! No chance, my husband clearly presented himself just answer her questions - not a two way happy convo. And sometimes my husband saw someone on TV a bit weird or Karen-like, he would say that’s like her. 🫢

@CalmerChameleons - thanks! True, could also be I overthink. Ha but sometimes hard to ignore gut feeling so just shared some thoughts. Thanks again!

She just sounds like she's making conversation and is interested to be honest.

ummm, well tbh all of these questions are quite typical.
it could also be that she and her partner are deciding over having kids or maybe she wants kids so she’s eager to find stuff out.
most of these questions are the same questions that happen in offices between women.
you will often see women who do not have kids, but want them be eager to find out information. Like my sister, she’s single in 40s and she really regrets having no family. Before I got pregnant she would shower me with questions I did not want to answer because it wasn’t her business, when are we having kids, are we trying for kids, when are we tying the knot etc.
its usually the people who’ve lost a couple of screws along the way that come across obnoxious, but it’s unlikely that that has anything to do with you.

@puddypud Thanks!

@Xur thanks too. Interesting. Indeed I feel the actions seems she eager to have kids!! As in the way she tried to find out every single details of my pregnancy! The puzzling part was that when I asked her if she is planning of kids, her answer and reaction was quite the opposite way!🤔

That was my first thought too...

@MumDaisy1980
yeah it could be that her partner doesn’t want to and she does and that is why she’s asking so much about your partner cos she’s wondering how it is to have a partner that wants kids. Or maybe her partner indicated to her like “no man ever plans kids “ blah blah blah. This is now psychological analysis but I sort of get the mindset behind it cos of my own experience with my sister. I also had to hide from my friends when we started trying for a baby because I thought it puts too much pressure on me to like update how it’s going etc. so I was asking my friend a lot of questions about how her pregnancy was going, but she didn’t mind cos she had no one else to talk to lol

Karen like....🙄 You do realise thats a shitty way to describe women.

I’m not sure she’s the problem here.

You're being way too sensitive

A friend of my sister's is like that. Asks very detailed, quite intrusive questions. Always has done.

You can either just brush the questions off with an "oh, I don't really want to talk about that. What about you, what are you up to?"

You could turn the tables on her and play 20 questions with her. But I suspect she is very adept at dodging questions she doesn't want to answer. It might actually be interesting to ask her some intrusive questions just to see how she brushes them off and replicate her technique!

I’ve been asked all these questions by multiple people. Friends and family that are interested, friends that are trying to seem interested, and friends that have or want to have babies that are reminiscing or are curious and trying to learn for their own experiences.
but If your gut says there’s an issue why don’t you just stop seeing her. You don’t sound like you like, respect or trust her very much and you only see each other once every 6 months, just drop the friendship. It’s not a drama.

To be honest I think your reading way too much into the situation.
Perhaps this is more suited to the relationship section not pregnancy section

Maybe she can't have her own and is fascinated with all things pregnancy and childbirth.

I am the above and I love asking questions about pregnancy etc. if you don't want to talk about it, just say so.

I find it odd that you’re so adamant she’s not your friend, but you meet up to have dinner or socialise a couple of times a year.

You clearly don’t like her very much, and neither does your husband. Just let the ‘acquaintanceship’ fizzle out.

She clearly thinks you’re friends, as that’s surely normal friendship conversation. If you don’t like her, step away. You sound paranoid and a bit of a drama llama really.

I also think it sounds as if this acquaintance thinks you are friends and is showing an interest. I think you should probably stop meeting up with her. You don't seem to like her and have been quite unpleasant about her here.