No effort from grandparents

[charlottemariex]

Hello! I’m new here. Recently found out me and my husband are expecting our first baby and just coming out of the first trimester (finally!!)
he’s had quite a strained relationship with his parents for many years, they’ve done some pretty questionable things and treated us both not very nice.
we informed them we were pregnant and the reply was “ we’re already grandparents! “
they’ve made zero effort during the pregnancy to see how we are, despite knowing how sick I’ve been. They’ve told a family friend we want nothing to do with them and they’ll never see the grandchild.
I sent them a photo of our 8 week private scan as an olive branch, and received a reply. But still, no further effort has been made from them at all…

my question is, should we carry on sending them scan photos and updates every couple of months or leave it? Surely if they can’t be bothered during the pregnancy why should they be bothered when our baby is here?

I was just really hoping things would change for my husbands sake because I just think he wanted things to change so bad :(

Name change fail?

You are three months pregnant. When you actually have the baby that is when people get interested. Too much can, unfortunately, happen before then. Keep sending them the pictures but don't over-expect.

I don’t know how mumsnet works I only joined today just for some advice ☹️

What did you say to them though?
Maybe they think you and your DH won’t make any effort with them? Is there a reason why they should do all the running? Oh, and a scan photo isnt an olive branch!

What are they actually supposed to be making an effort with at this point?

Fully appreciate they have a difficult relationship with their son (and you) but what are they actually supposed to be doing right now?

Don't seek out things that will result in misery. You're angsting over something you imagined. You imagined shitty people would fundamentally change as people, by your husband getting you pregnant.

Choose to be less stressed by not taking on other people's fraught relationships with their relatives. It's your husband's business to manage his relationship with his crappy parents.
If you name change, your replies are no longer highlighted as being the OP, and are easily missed.
@TheShellBeach she referred to him as husband, are they not married?

It's okay!
It takes a bit of time to get used to it.

@C00k you're quite right. I made a mistake.
Sorry OP.

(I mean about whether OP is married or not)

Jesus Christ are you ok?

They're not random people, their son is having a child. My family were very supportive all the way through and I understand why OP might want the same.

Stop suggesting that early pregnancy isn't real, you're causing needless stress.