I’ve had a missed miscarriage

[KG2022]

Good morning ladies

Scan at 12 weeks showed no heartbeat and that heartbeat stopped at 9 weeks. I’ve had a missed miscarriage but I had no symptoms of a miscarriage still had pregnancy symptoms untill the scan.
I’m utterly heartbroken, shocked and don’t know how to get through this.
I will greatly appreciate any advice/your experience/remedies etc. on how you got through a miscarriage 🙏🏻

Are there any organizations you’d recommend to get advice on how to get through this?

Thank you in advance 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hi, so sorry to hear this. It’s really devastating and also the worst shock imaginable. I’ve had a missed miscarriage and it all feels so unfair that there were no signs anything was wrong. I had terrible nausea and although I was devastated that the pregnancy wasn’t going to progress, I focused on getting back to feeling “well” once I’d had the surgery. Emotionally it helped to focus on accepting that biologically, this one wasn’t meant to be, and that my time would come again (it will for you too).

I would recommend the surgery with general anaesthetic. I sobbed going down to theatre, right up until they put me under. But the staff are so nice and understanding, so just let it all out! I also found it helpful to talk to others about my feelings - family and friends all want to help you through it. Even if they haven’t been through it, their sympathy was very comforting. Weirdly felt more able to cope after surgery was done (perhaps a hormonal thing). And it got easier each day, although still a sad time to look back on.

i know it feels raw and unfair right now, and you’re also navigating through understanding medical and emotional issues you’ve never come across before, which can feel overwhelming. There’s lots of support on here on previous threads which really helped me. Lots of tea and rest for now, if you can. Xxx

Good morning, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss 💐

We lost our baby just before our 12 weeks scan. We found out we were pregnant on our honeymoon and phoned my mum from the beach to tell her. She cried with happiness as I'm her only child and was 38, she'd been silently wishing for over a decade for a grandchild.

We were over the moon, called my best friend is Australia to tell her, she was so happy.

But ahead of our scan, I began bleeding. A wonderful nurse on 111 said not to worry, it happens often and the baby is fine it will stop. But it never stopped and I called the local fertility unit as told to by my doctor. A foreign lady answered and told me if I'm not in paid I shouldn't be calling them and I needed to "bleed it out at home" and threw the phone down on me. I cancelled my scan for the week after and bled for about 8 weeks.

We were devastated, and my mum was absolutely heartbroken. There is so much to loosing a baby that you go through. Everyone handles things differently, I'd recommend feeling the grief, like any other loss of a loved on in life. Read threads on here, look after yourself and your other half.

We've been trying for over a year and still not pg again but do everything we can and are praying for a another baby. Both fully tested and I'm perfect, husband low motility which we're working on. People who mean well will make hurtful comments. Almost no one understands apart from the ladies on here and others who have been through losing a baby.

Sending you lots of love.xxxxx

Hey KG2022,

Like everyone, I'm so sorry for your loss, and importantly, this is a loss. Don't minimise it because it was early, or because not that many people knew you were pregnant - I went through something similar and one of my biggest regrets was keeping it to myself and minimising my feelings so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Allow yourself some time to grieve, and also acknowledge that there isn't anything you could have done. I found it useful to listen to some of the "Worst Girl Gang Ever" podcast episodes, just to hear about other people's experiences and kind of normalise where I was at. It also just allowed me to find some time to empathise and identify with other people and have a good cry in my car if I felt I wanted to, with no judgement from anyone else.

You can't solve your heartbreak with any one thing, but talking to people certainly helps, especially your family and other half. It also made me suddenly realise that a lot of people have gone through this, or something like this, and allowed me to lean on them when I needed to. Also now latterly, it has allowed me to support other friends who have felt comfortable talking to me when they have had a miscarriage, or similar problems, and so we have found comfort in each other, and I hope in some way, I've been able to help them too. There are of course organisation like Tommys which can offer you counselling, and should definitely be considered if you feel your grief is turning into something more serious or you want specific coping strategies for your situation.

Take some time from work if you can - don't work like a martyr if you don't have to. As I said, this is real grief, and you should give yourself some time to process. I resented everyone who expected me to be "normal" in the few months afterwards, even if I hadn't told them what had happened, which was unfair on my part, because they can't read minds and know what I was going through. You will find your new normal eventually, and be aware that the hormones do hang around and leave you vulnerable for a few months.

I also went down the surgical route - it felt like the the most "certain" option and I was in and out of hospital in a day with no complications. This is totally your choice, don't let anyone pressure you to go one way or the other and pick what your gut tells you is the best option.

And don't give up hope - no one expects this to happen to them or to be their story, but here we are. I am expecting our baby girl to arrive in March, and going through what I went through made me realise that I was ready to become a mum despite how terrified I am!

Big love, I'll be thinking of you.

It's a horrible thing to happen, and it can feel like your body cheated. I had one years ago, and the period that followed it was the start date of my pregnancy with dd.

So sorry to hear this KG2022. We had exactly the same in the Autumn. Our embryo reached 6.2 weeks and was diagnosed at 12 week scan when I felt completely pregnant and was getting larger! I can completely empathise with your sadness. It is the most awful thing to find out.
Give yourself time to digest and consider the options that the hospital give you. I am just so sorry you have just joined those of us who have had this horrendous experience xxx

I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. It's such a cruel experience.

I had a missed miscarriage as well. 12 weeks scan showed an 8 week peanut with no heartbeat. I was utterly devastated.

Things that helped me: I talked lots and lots about it with friends and family. Turns out many of them had had similar experiences.
I got put in touch with a bereavement midwife by my local hospital, which really helped. I did a little symbolic "burial" under our apple tree to honour our lost baby. And I reminded myself again and again that this had to happen so that my future child, the one I will end up giving birth to, will be with me.

It turns out several of my friends wouldn't exist if their mother's hadn't had miscarriages before them. I found this thought really powerful.

After my miscarriage I fell pregnant again very quickly, my baby is now 7 months old and I wouldn't want it any other way. He was worth the heartache at the time.

Sending you so much live during this hard time x

Thank you so much everyone ❤️❤️❤️