Realistic birth prep resources - no woo.

[DuploTrain]

I’m 38 weeks with my second baby and belatedly panicking that I have done no prep this time.

When I was pregnant with my first I read Milli Hill’s Positive Birth Book. I’ve just read it again and it’s given me the rage. Things like contractions are magnificent powerful surges, some people may experience them as painful.

My first labour was constant agony for 24 hours. Back to back and no “golden relief” in between “surges”. I feel lied to!

I know I can get through it again but feel like I should do some prep.

I like yoga and think breathing techniques can be a positive distraction. But not interested in visualisations / affirmations/ woo. It’s not going to be a “magical experience”, I just want it to be bearable.

Also I might be considering an induction due to the baby’s size (I haven’t decided yet) so anything with a focus on induction would be helpful too.

Any help much appreciated.

I don't have any recommendations but I had a back to back 1st. Honestly my 2nd and 3rd (induced) were absolutely fine compared to number 1 as they were facing the right way and I didn't do any 'prep' etc. Congratulations

Tennis ball for your partner to roll against your lower back.
Sturdy feather to lightly brush your belly during contractions.

But most of all, if you're induced, get an epidural.
Induction contractions have a much sharper peak, and an epidural will take the edge off.

My hospital offered what they called a "walking epidural", it was lower dose (and I was in control with a button to press to release more painkiller) so I could still move around in the bed. Really glad I had this as my LO wasn't in the best position

I find the Briget Tayler videos on YouTube just about bearable, but I’m with you. Most of this stuff is just not for me.

If you have time, the Aniball. It's a device you use to practice moving the baby's head up and down the birth canal, along with the breathing. You inflate it gradually over a period of days/weeks. Also had a back to back birth with my first, and I was lucky not to tear. I think it was because of this device. Other friends who used it had good outcomes as well

BRAIN acronym before any proposed procedure or intervention you haven't planned for:

What are the benefits?
Risks?
Alternatives?
Instinct/gut feeling you've got?
Nothing? Ie what happens if we do nothing for an hour/day/week?

Best of luck.

I’ve got nothing useful to say but I just tried hypnobirthing and was immediately put off when they said Labour shouldn’t be painful, basically it’s painful because you’re panicking, and doing it wrong. Effectively meaning its your own fault.

urm no. I think my vagina ripping open is why it’s painful

so frustrating! Hope you find something that works for you

Have you listened to the Midwives Cauldron podcasts? They are really useful for preparation I reckon.

Well, I clearly did it wrong because it really fucking hurt!

100% agree with an early epidural.

OP, the only thing I can suggest is pain relief. I had an epidural with DD1 but it was given too late and it really hurt! I had pethidine with DD2 because of how fast she was coming and it really hurt! Gas and air just made me feel drunk which isn’t something I enjoy.

I like yoga and think breathing techniques can be a positive distraction. But not interested in visualisations / affirmations/ woo. It’s not going to be a “magical experience”, I just want it to be bearable.

I think some regular practise of some meditation breathing techniques might help you, with no focus on birth. I'm similar to you and had no interest in the woo shit, but my second labour (an induction) was much more pleasant than my first because I did focus on breathing. In my first I think I got panicked and tense and stressed and it didn't help.
To be clear, obviously focusing on breathing did not take away the pain. Obviously. But I did just feel like I could handle it a bit better.

I did an experiment line course called the bump to baby chapter, which is done by a lovely midwife named Beth. It’s classed as hypno birthing but it’s not all the imagine your cervix opening like a flower nonsense. She talks about keeping relaxed and all birth options. I had a traumatic first birth but managed to have two really relaxed births, don’t get me wrong still hurt like hell, but still really positive. Highly recommend

Sarah Wickam is a researcher midwife and she wrote a book Why Induction Matters. It's available on Amazon. I know plenty of mums who found a TENSE machine very helpful (available from Boots or Amazon)

Thank you. Am very much hoping this baby will be in a better position 🤞

Thank you. I’ve just read the first few sample pages, seems a very interesting read. I’m going to buy it.

I found the Midwife Pip podcast helpful. And listening to birth stories (cant remember which podcast that was).

Couldn’t stand the positive birth stuff - something about it just felt too controlling and set up for failure. Like god forbid you don’t have the right mood lighting in case it affects the happy hormones. Not realistic at all. One Born Every Minute is more realistic tbh!

Personally, I preferred a more ‘positive-negativity’ approach. Learning the facts, mentally preparing for anything to happen. And giving up control. So much is down to luck.

Oh the tens machine was also amazing.

Birth Skills by Juju Sundin really helped me and she acknowledges that there is pain in childbirth and there are techniques to manage it.

I got to 7cm (2nd child) watching my toes while I wiggled them (???) and got to 10cm going ‘aaaaaah’ louder and louder. The kind of techniques outlined in the book and why they might work.

A friend recommended Birth Skills by Juju Sundin. I think her midwife had recommended it. Was good. Quite opposite to hypnobirthing as mentioned pain a LOT, but perspective that it's mainly physiological pain rather than pathological, so it will hurt, but it's mainly normal...

When I was pregnant with my first I read Milli Hill’s Positive Birth Book. I’ve just read it again and it’s given me the rage.

I have no advice but I did the exact same when pregnant with my second. The bit that made me rage was that there's just one tiny chapter on c sections, and it was mostly about coming to terms with the "disappointment" of having to have one. One tiny chapter in a book about birth - when c sections are 25pc of births in this country!

I gave it to the baby-and-kids-stuff-only charity shop near me and it's still there for 50p. I got a savage bit of schadenfreude when I was last there and saw it still unsold.

I wouldn't have felt disappointed about my first birth if I hadn't constantly been told it was effectively a failure, by books like that. C sections are great, life saving procedures.

This is not even a joke, but browsing mumsnet was better than any book.

If you're going to spend money on a book, buy one about breastfeeding. That's something you have much more control over (and lasts longer) than childbirth.

I've also been recommended that book but couldn't get hold of it. Birth needs skill though, that's why I liked the title!
Another great tip: buying a plastic wide tooth comb and squeezing it in your palm during contractions. I was so grateful to the friend who told me about this.

Birth like a feminist as a book was good.
I get the no woo stuff and I still found some parts of hypnobirthing and breathing useful to get me in a zone I could cope and put the right brain space to birthing. Panicking the first time made pain worse.

I also got the rage about that book and my vagina did not open like a flower. I had a very severe tear. I liked the birth Ed podcast. I knew I was going to have a caesarean and there was a good episode where a consultant obstetrician talks you through what happens when you have one. They have just done one on induction of labour and one on managing pain so hopefully they will be useful to you.

OP I was same as you, first baby was back to back. 4 hours of pushing alone, horrendous. My second labour was a breeze as he was facing the right way. He was out in 3 pushes - and up to my second push when they told me the head was out I thought I was trying for a poo

I’m so here for the hypnobirthing rage 😂did it for mine and ‘breathing the baby out’ is frankly nonsense and I genuinely think it prolonged my labour because I wasn’t pushing hard enough. I did find the breathing training helpful for the first stage and do meditation just generally which again helped getting through the pain. Plus a shit ton of gas and air. Lots of people have said to me that number 2 is easier (or at the very least quicker) so fingers crossed for you!