Intrusive thoughts in pregnancy

[Ragdollmum31]

Hello,

I'm wondering if anyone can help or advise me on what to do.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I've started suffering with intrusive thoughts like "what if I hurt my baby". I know I would never do anything but the thought is making me very distressed. I watched the news yesterday & a woman ran over her boyfriend and my brain said "what if I did that to my husband".

I've never suffered with intrusive thoughts before and I don't know why it has started now. I have read that it could be the pregnancy hormones and the big change ahead. I have GAD but have never taken medication for it, I've just tried to get through without it. My midwife recommended that I start taking ADs as pregnancy has made my anxiety worse. I decided not to take them as I was worried about what affect this would have on the baby but she said that stress can also have an affect on the baby so I didn't know what was best. She also referred me to the peri natal mental health team but they didn't think I was bad enough to be seen. I tried talkworks but found them unhelpful.

My husband and mum are aware of my thoughts and have been understanding and supportive. I already feel like a bad mum as I've probably damaged my baby with all the anxiety/stress & feel so guilty 😔

I don't know what to do now. I feel embarrassed that I'm experiencing this and worry how I will cope when the baby arrives. I'm planning to take citalopram as soon as the baby is born which I hope helps.

Sorry for the long just needed to get it off my chest and see if anyone had any advice 😞

Hi @Ragdollmum31 sorry to hear your feeling like this. I promise you it is totally normal but you don't need to suffer through it. I had mad thoughts like that and I guarantee if every parent was honest with what they thought they would admit the same. I never wanted to tell anyone over fear of my baby being took off me. There is support groups out there if you feel they would help. I'm not sure where you live but I volunteer for a support group for pre and post natal depressed moms called Acacia. We are based in the midlands area. It does you good to talk x

worth talking to someone - I have OCD and anxiety and part of that is having intrusive thoughts. It's tricky. Start with the GP and say you have intrusive thougths.

Just wanted to say this is VERY common and not necessarily indicative of anything pathological. I had them a lot just after birth - thinking I was going to throw baby down the stairs, out the window, etc. I worried I’d developed OCD and was heading for psychosis. I wasn’t. Luckily I came across info on how common it is and how it’s just your brain adjusting to the responsibility of having a little dependent. I learned to observe the thoughts without obsessing over them and it passed.

OP honestly don't worry, because although the thoughts are horrible and unpleasant and make you question your sanity, it's great that we live in a world these days where we can talk about it and it's very very common.

I used to have these thoughts like PP has said, what if I threw my baby out the window, what if I accidentally put them on the hob etc! All horrible thoughts but they're just passing thoughts and so very normal so please don't worry. Just do what I do and say ooo that was an intrusive thought, and try and think of something positive. Best of luck OP xxx

Also, I used to worry that if I told the health visitor for example they'd take my baby away but honestly they would laugh if you said it and tell you how common it is x

THIS IS NORMAL!!!

I recently read an article by a midwife which I can't share but I'll give you what I learned.

Mothers are constantly risk assessing. It is instinctive to do so.

Mothers have a unique way of doing it! We start with the worst case scenario such as "what if i hurt my baby!?" Then we agonise about how NOT TO DO THAT.

This is how we have evolved to protect our children.

I once laid awake beside myself because it was raining heavily outside with a storm and I imagined my newborn drowning and freezing to death in the rain. It was horrible and made me cry.

But what I was also doing was mentally going through a checklist

Don't go outside in the rain

Keep your baby warm and dry

Baby is safest indoors with me

Babies are vulnerable in bad weather.

So please don't beat yourself up.

You are just risk assessing yourself.

Hold your baby carefully at all times. Gently cradle your baby's head.

Come on, tell me what your solutions are to "not hurting your baby"?

I bet you can reel off loads of ways to keep your baby safe.

I used to get really weird intrusive thoughts when I was early 20s, but I didn't know any such thing existed, just wondered why I thought those things randomly and was disgusted. Once I found out what was happening (that it had a name), it stopped, or at worse, it became so much easier to dismiss rather than before that when I would dwell on it and feel weird about myself for thinking anything like that. Given you know what is happening, just let is be a fleeting thought that you almost instantly flip off and give no more time to and maybe that'll help. It's the dwelling on it that makes it worse x

Thank you all for your kind and supportive comments. Even though it's so hard having intrusive thoughts, it's nice to know that it's a normal experience for many. I hope once my hormones have calmed down I can get back to being myself.

I just feel so guilty and worried about what my anxiety has done to my little baby. I really hope it hasn't done any damage but I can't change that now. Fingers crossed medication will help me once she is born and maybe I need to try & find a private therapist who can help as I don't seem to have much luck with nhs mental health services in my area. x

Have a listen to the Kimberly Nixon episode of the Parenting Hell podcast. She talked a lot about her intrusive thoughts and coping strategies (plus it is a great podcast!)

Your anxiety hasn't harmed your baby! If anxiety harmed babies I'm sure many babies every day would be hurt by it! Pregnancy is a very anxious time for many of us. Please don't put this additional pressure on yourself.

Intrusive thoughts are sadly so common at such a life-changing time as pregnancy. I would advise speaking to your midwife, and they will be able to get you the support you need.

There is a great book called "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts" which might be helpful to you. It will show you how random these thoughts are, and that they are just thoughts (even though they feel very powerful and disturbing).

Wishing you the best of luck!

When it happens , are you able to rationalise and think 'that's just an intrusive thought, everybody gets them, and it's normal to get them in pregnancy and after birth' and then just let the thoughts and feelings float away, like leaves on a river.

I listened to an interesting podcast on this a while ago. There’s a woman from fresh meat, I think she’s Welsh if that helps you find her, I cannot remember her name sorry! She suffered with ocd and it took the form of intrusive thoughts. I think she talks about it a lot. You may just find it useful to read about it there and see that it’s totally normal! For me the panic about it is more omg what if I’m an awful person, why am I having these thoughts, but to see it’s not just you Is really helpful.
the most useful thing that’s helped me though is what my therapist said, he said if you were really the sort of person to do these things, you wouldn’t be worrying about it. You’re worrying exactly because you wouldn’t hurt your baby (or run your dh over or whatever it is!) and you know how awful that is and how much you don’t want to do that. It’s great you have supportive people around you that you can talk to as well

@PurpleOrchid42 I really do try my best to rationalise them and not believe what they are saying and sometimes it works but other times it feels really real and scary. I just go around in circles in my head all day. I think finishing work hasn't helped as I'm out of a routine and the distraction of work. I try to keep busy and get out the house which helps to an extent but as soon as I'm not distracted the thoughts take over again. I struggle with change and having a baby is a massive change so my brain has gone into overdrive I think 😔 I'm hoping things will improve once baby is here and I've settled into a routine and feel more confident with things x

@Chaiandtoast thanks for the recommendation, I will have a look and try to find the podcast. I probably have had intrusive thoughts before, just not paid any attention to them. The upcoming life change has put me on high alert.

I know in my rational mind that I would never do anything awful and I'm a caring person. I just want to be the best mum possible and I'm very hard on myself in daily life. I always try to be the best wife possible etc. and can be a perfectionist so when I don't meet my impossible high standards then I feel like I'm failing somehow. Can I ask what sort of therapy you have for your intrusive thoughts? is it talk therapy or a specific type of therapy? x