Mental well being - first trimester

[Laurenn86]

I’ve been struggling mentally since I got pregnant. I’m currently 10 weeks. At first in the early days I put my anxieties down to worrying about the pregnancy going wrong in some way, this is still a worry, but the thoughts have manifested into so many other things, and I feel sad and so negative about my life and the future. I’m tearful a lot and feel like i’m pushing my partner away, I feel like a horrible person. The only thing that keeps me going is thinking that it will get better after the first trimester.

I feel so scared and torn, on the one hand wanting the baby so much and terrified to lose it, and on the other feeling very constrained, scared of losing my freedom, I already feel like i’ve lost my sense of self these last few weeks. I’m scared of how my life is changing and what a massive commitment this is. From the start I haven’t wanted to see anyone, I have instinctually wanted to isolate myself. Christmas was a hard time because there was so much socialising and demands. I feel like there are demands on me all of the time, people wanting things from me and I just want to be left alone, I don’t want to talk to anyone, to have the obligation of replying to messages and making small talk out of politeness, I just want it all to go away. Even small demands on me or obligations feel massive and overwhelming. My partner was trying to organise a holiday with his family last night and even the conversation sent me into a spiral, the organising it and then the worry of having to spend a week with them when I don’t feel 100% comfortable. It sounds so petty but I totally freaked out.

I haven’t had terrible sickness, but I’ve been nauseous and have horrendous food aversion to the point I can basically only eat toast and cereal. The past 2 weeks in particular I have been exhausted, and spending long periods of time in bed. I have no desire to do the usual things I do to relax, like going for a walk or getting a coffee, even going to the supermarket makes me feel sick, I feel so housebound and unmotivated. The days feel very long and uninteresting. I feel like a shell of myself.

I have had similar. Try to talk to your partner about it and think about timeswhen you feel ok. For example, I feel better when busy but also need lots of rest. So I prioritise this. I'm also trying to notice when my worries are spiralling and bring myself back to the present. Your hormones will be going crazy at the moment and it is a huge mental change. If it persists, talk to your GP or midwife. It is very common.

You're not a horrible person AT ALL.

Please speak to your GP and/or midwife, they will be able to help. Sending lots of love x

So sorry you are feeling this way @Laurenn86 . If I'm honest it feels as if I could have written the same post! I would totally spiral if there was talk of going away with extended family etc at such a stressful time.

I am at a similar stage to you and seeing a therapist which gives me someone to sound off to. It is hard at first trimester when it feels like your life shrinks. It will get better and you will get your energy back.

I'd echo what others have said and speak to your midwife when you get your booking appointment. In my past experience they will be brilliant and you will be prioritised for mental health support during this time. So please do.

Good luck.

The first trimester is horrible. I think it’s impossible to feel happy and feel sick simultaneously. The feeling of nausea is so similar to the feeling of anxiety that I think it tricks your brain into feeling anxious.

Hopefully the nausea will end soon. If it doesn’t, see if you can get anti nausea medication prescribed (even if it’s just for nausea not much sickness). I found that gaviscon helped me slightly with the nausea too.

Also the thought of a holiday with the in laws would be the last thing on my list when you’re feeling like this, so you’re definitely not overreacting there. It’s difficult for men (or anyone) to understand how horrible it is if they’ve never had constant nausea before.

Thanks for your replies.

I do just feel horrible basically saying I don't want to spend time with his family, but everything is just so draining at the moment, I can't worry about being good company to people. My partner says he understands, but there have been times over the past few weeks where I have felt forced into doing social things when I haven't felt up to it, and I don't feel like he really does understand. He thinks I avoid things because I'm anxious, and maybe it is avoiding, but I'm just not in the frame of mind or physical state to be challenging things that make me anxious right now. Like I said I just want to be left alone.

My DH was similar. We talked and it turned it he thought it was genuinely helpful for him to not let me go too in on myself, hence he encouraged me to still do things. Once he realised this was making things harder, he stopped and understood I needed to feel in control. I also listened to his concerns and compromised a bit more. So instead of a long weekend with his family, we just went during the day for lunch on Saturday. It was great when I was there but short and sweet so manageable. Maybe a similar approach might help?