Abortion regret and guilt

[24female]

Hi,this might be in the wrong thread so sorry about that. I'm 24 and had an abortion in December 2023. I had found out i was 3 weeks pregnant at the end of October. I had went back and fourth for ages about what I wanted to do. I'd went to an appointment for the termination but I couldn't do it, the appointment was rebooked and i was running out of time to make a decision. I then decided I was going to keep it, my boyfriend really didn't want me to. At the start he had said he would support me either choice, but when I told him I was keeping it he freaked out a couple of days later, long story but I went through with the abortion. I had a medical abortion but the first set of tablets didn't work at first, I then lost the pregnancy and a lot of blood and ended up passing out. I ended up in hospital for another set of tablets, trying to get the rest of the tissue to pass, but they didn't work either and I ended up getting the manual vaccum while awake. The whole thing felt very traumatic and I knew as soon as I took the first tablets it wasn't what I wanted to do, but I also didn't want to have a baby alone. My family have been supportive but I didn't want the baby coming into the world if it was going to be unstable in my relationship and I didn't know if I'd have coped alone. Its been about 3 weeks and it's all I can think about, I'm okay until I'm not. It's worse at bedtime, I keep thinking about the what ifs, I also seen the feutos and now I can't unsee it.. I'm just sad and I feel so guilty for what I done. I don't know how to accept that it was probably for the best, I'm trying to be okay but I don't think I am. Part of me wishes i was still pregnant. This was my first pregnancy and I just don't know how to accept it or get past it. Really sorry for the long post.

You have gone through a horrible time since you found out you were pregnant.
I sympathise with all you have been through. Your boyfriend did not want this pregnancy.
You had several valid reasons for not continuing with this pregnancy. To me having a child is hard enough with 2 people but it harder for a single mother. I have seen some single mothers having a baby, finding it extremely hard due to a lack of help, money ect and in some cases they resent the child.
Also it not fair on a child to have a father who resents them due CMS payments and who drops in and out of their lives. Then the child grows up and has long term problems due to this.
I think that you did the right thing from what you told us about your current circumstances.
I would also advise you to end things with your boyfriend if you have not already done so as he has shown his true colours.
I hope you feel better soon.

The procedure you went through sounds traumatic and it’s perfectly acceptable for you to still feel this way. 3 weeks ago is no time at all. It might be a good idea to refer yourself to talking therapies and also speak to your GP.

Please don’t feel guilty about your decision. You had the right practical head on. Having a baby is Incredibly hard even in comfortable circumstances.

I had a termination as fell pg within two months of meeting my current partner. My own children wouldn’t have taken it well and it was too soon for me and dp . I took the devastating decision to terminate. Fast forward a few years and now me and same partner have been TTC for two years with no luck. So yes part of me regrets the termination but the other part of me knows it wasn’t the right time.

you might not feel that way now, but things happen for a reason and you’re still very young to try again in the future when the timing is better

It sounds like you were under so much pressure from your boyfriend and family. Even your family had your best interests at heart, it is still hard to come to terms with making a decision like this when you feel it’s out of your control.

I would see your G.P and see if you can get some counselling to come to terms with the traumatic event. It’s also ok to grieve your loss, time will heal. It’s all very raw and you seem very vulnerable.

Ensure you always use contraception, double up if need be - never trust any man will pull out etc it doesn’t work and you need you to protect yourself mentally and physically going forward. I would drop the boyfriend too. Take care of yourself.

I'm really sorry you've had to go through this, it sounds extremely traumatic.

I had a termination which I was 100% certain I wanted, never any doubt or regret but I still had to have counselling afterwards. In my area I was offered three sessions for free. Please see what is available to you and use it, I promise it will help you to come to terms with what's happened x

Thank you for all the replies, I done the test from the hosptial to confirm the termination worked and it did. I've just done a test today almost 4 weeks after the termination and it had a faint positive line, I then done another and it was the same and I'm worried I've became pregnant again but hoping it is just my hormones still in my body.. I have a blood test in 3 weeks to get a better answer and I've been on the mini pill since the termination. What are the chances I'm pregnant again..

Agree with PP - you made the best decision at the time, with the information you had - it’s human nature to reflect upon your actions - be kind to yourself
However as PP have said - this tells you a lot about your boyfriend and you may or may not get through this time
Please be extra careful with contraception- you are not in the right emotional frame of mind for another pregnancy
Be kind to yourself