Anxiety from previous miscarriages

[My2boysaremyworld]

Hi so I found out on New Year's Eve I'm pregnant. We've had 3 miscarriages in 18months. My anxiety is so bad about going to the toilet. I'm petrified to wipe and see blood. Anyone else has this and got coping techniques please? X

Just want to send you some positivity and hope 🌈 I lost my first baby last year (well May 2022) at 23+5 and am currently 35 weeks pregnant. I never expected to get this far and hopefully I can come back and post a positive ‘my baby is here!’ Post soon. I’m not going to lie the anxiety doesn’t go it is hard but you can do it 💪🏻 one way I got through is go through the pregnancy day by day, just think ‘I’m pregnant today’ ‘I’m healthy today’ ‘my baby is in my tummy today’ rather than the what ifs and going into the future too much. I still check the toilet paper now I don’t know why! But when you see nothing just think ‘my baby is fine right now’ wishing you all the best. I never thought this would happen for me it’ll happen for you too 🌈

@Shrillwaffle thank you for replying. I have been saying to myself after I wipe and see nothing it's ok but the dread is still there 😢 it's so triggering cuz with all of my losses it came from no where. Got a bit of tummy cramps and backache today just keep trying to remind myself it's my body stretching x

@My2boysaremyworld I totally understand, and they will just be normal aches and pains have you gone for our first appt yet? They may book you in early they did with me and then I went for an early scan about 8 weeks. The further along you get the easier it will get it won’t fully go away but you just need to keep persevering 💪🏻 maybe ask about getting support from the perinatal mental health team too? That’s what I’ve been getting as I have PTSD from my loss. It’s horrible when it’s completely unexpected as mine was too I think the shock of it is what gave me the PTSD. I still get nervous now, this baby is very active but once there is a lull in movement my first thought is ‘is she ok’ especially in the morning that’s the worst. I find forums like this have helped a lot to talking to people who’ve gone through similar experiences.

@Shrillwaffle I spoke to the doctor yesterday and she said I should get seen earlier. Yes I think I will need a perinatal midwife, I had one in my pregnancy with my youngest cuz my mom was dying through it.
I just wish the happiness wasn't robbed from us that you get befire you have a loss x

@My2boysaremyworld 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 that’s good you’re getting seen earlier hopefully if you go for a scan and see the heartbeat that should settle you somewhat early on. I found my anxiety got better post 23+5 as that’s when we lost the baby and when I started feeling her moving. Before that the doctors said I was quite shut off from what was going on which is probably true which is obviously my brains coping strategy. You will get your rainbow 🌈 I’m hoping I can come back in a few weeks and share some positive news with you 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

@Shrillwaffle I bet you can't wait to hold your rainbow baby and you will hun xx

@My2boysaremyworld totally understand the anxiety. There is a very supportive thread in the Pregnancy forum 'Pregnancy after miscarriage - latest support thread' The ladies on here are very supportive so do join if you wish.

@tulipsunday thank you will try and find it xx

I just wanted to offer some solidarity as I'm in a similar position- found out I was pregnant over Christmas after previously losing 4 pregnancies in 15 months.

I'm similar to you and bracing myself to see blood every time I go to the toilet.

I certainly don't have the magic answer but I've been trying to keep myself busy - e.g. doing a jigsaw stopped me spending hours trawling the internet comparing pregnancy test lines with my ones. My head definitely felt less anxious after a few hours doing the jigsaw. I'm now back to work and trying to focus on that. I find it's when I have more time on my hands that I start worrying more, or trawling the internet reading things that are not helpful.

I've also booked some early scans.

There is also an app called "mindful IVF" which has some good first trimester mindfulness meditations in (they're relevant even if not an ivf pregnancy). The app used to be free - I think you need to pay for it now but might be worth a look.

@hopefuldifferent

You’ve just reminded me that years ago I emailed Gordon from Mindful IVF (lovely Irish voice man) and he replied with the kindest message.

I had totally forgotten that.

My miracle came after many heartbreaks and I never quite lost the fear. Sending love to all.

So sorry for your losses. I lost two pregnancies in 2019 & 2020. I have since had my son in 2021 and currently 33 weeks with my daughter. If I'm honest the fear never goes away. I got diagnosed with prenatal anxiety when pregnant with my son (the big trigger that set me off was bleeding at 16 weeks - all was ok, cause never found but I couldn't help but feel like it meant I was miscarrying again).

I self referred to a talking therapy service. If you have one in your area and feel like it might benefit you, I'd highly recommend. You get seen extremely quickly as they prioritise pregnant ladies and those with children under 1yo. During my current pregnancy it has really shown me how much they taught me that I've retained and still use regularly. I've had multiple episodes of bleeding during this pregnancy (recently found to have cervical ectropion so nothing bad) but I still get that initial paralysing fear when I see it but I'm able to cope and be proactive about it instead of falling into a panic attack.

I'd definitely mention this to your midwife also, I've found mine to be extremely understanding and it has really helped. Wishing you all the best in your pregnancy 🌈❤️ x

Yes I can completely understand your worry.
I'm currently 12 weeks and still checking when I wipe.
The first month was the hardest. December seemed to fly , I suppose I was occupied with Christmas which helped.
My advice is to find something to distract you. Just keep busy so your mind isn't completely focused on the worry.

Thank you all for your kind words. Iv started blowing a kiss to my tummy and saying thank you baby after every toilet trip. I feel like my head is a total mess. Iv cried everyday. I'm just so scared there's something I could be doing to help my baby and I'm not doing it xx

So sorry to hear of your losses. I completely empathise with how you feel about going to the loo and being scared of what you might find, it's awful and the feeling stayed with me throughout, although it did get easier as certain milestones were passed, scans, fetal movements, etc.. I bought a book called Pregnancy After Loss and it really helped me. There's general info and coping strategies and then a bit to read and think about for each day of your pregnancy. Time really flew for me once I hit 20 weeks but it really really helped me in the early days. Sending you so much luck xx

@nightowl89 yes I have that book, a friend got me the bundle after my second miscarriage. I can start filling it in in a couple of days. Was you scared to colour in the heart? I keep thinking what if I lose this one too x

@My2boysaremyworld How far along are you again? I hope you get your early scan soon as I think it’ll really reassure you somewhat and hopefully take some of the anxiety away 🫶🏻

@Shrillwaffle 4 weeks 6 days. I'm dreading the 6 week mark cuz that's when we lost 2 of our babies and if we get past that I'm dreading the 11 week mark when we lost our first baby xx

I completely understand how you feel, I'm 8 weeks, had a MMC last year after seeing heartbeat at 8 weeks discovered at 13 weeks baby died at 10+2. I went for a scan today because I'd had spotting and everything looked ok, but I still keep thinking at the next scan it'll be a miscarriage again.

If I'm honest I've tried to distance myself this pregnancy, much more than last time. I've kept myself distracted, not downloaded any of the apps, I haven't even worked out my due date. I'm just taking it day by day but reminding myself I am pregnant today whenever the anxiety pops up, and that this is a different pregnancy, and is not destined to the same outcome as the first ❤️

Totally understandable, I had a MC last year and my nerves about another pregnancy has meant we waited to try again. In that time I had some private counselling which has massively helped me, it helped me to acknowledge that I would find another pregnancy stressful. I’m not pregnant again yet but I have already been journaling, exercising, and focusing on what I can control. It’s uncontrollable and recognising that has helped me.

@My2boysaremyworld hopefully you can have your initial appointment very soon in the next week or so and an early scan soon after that I’ll be thinking of you 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Thank you all. Feeling a bit sick today. Had nausea since Xmas day. Hoping it's a good sign as I had it with both my sons but didn't have it with my 3 losses. Also this test line came up straight away and was strong for an afternoon wee and an early test. Xx

Feeling sick or being sick, even though it’s terrible is a good sign! and if you need to take pregnancy tests take them! I took about two a week at the start of this pregnancy idk why it just helped me feel reassured

@Shrillwaffle Iv got one test left and think I'm gonna do it Sunday so a week after my first test x