My baby won't

[elfintinsel]

Talking to DH's brother and SIL today. They are expecting their first child. I said it would be lovely to have a baby in the family again as our children are tween/teen stage.
They have very admirable ideas about raising their child. I remember being like that but it didn't work out that way as you have to pick your battles.
They are apparently only ever going to allow wooden, sustainable toys. Excellent idea until said child gets an obsession with some character.
Only going to watch educational tv. Actually a lot of kids tv programmes do seem to have a hidden lesson but they meant only little Einstein's or documentaries.
Not going to use dummies. I said the same but dd1 needed something to suck to self soothe. Once my nipples were red raw, I decided a dummy might be a better choice.
He said they will learn from our mistakes and watching us parent has been really useful in knowing how they want to parent.
I sort of chuckled "glad to help," then walked away.
I thought it was quite an arrogant response. I will try not to be smug when they have to peddle back on some of these points!

Oh my sister was a judgemental queen, I'm the youngest sister and had a kid first. My oldest sister judged a lot, I don't even think she knew she was doing it. 'why are you getting annoyed at that, why are you doing this, oh poor baby' I used to use the family chat to vent as he didn't sleep through he night for 4 years and instead of losing it directly at him, I'd get angry on the chat about it to let out my frustrations and I was always a villain for doing so.

Yeah she has a one year old now and she sounds just like I did 🙂. I often just reply with laughing faces or 'funny that' I won't her lie child is a fair bit easier than mine was in certain ways, a much calmer more response kid rather than my suspected ADHD full of bean boy 😅 so it's sometimes irritating when it comes easy to them due to the nature of their child but trust me, take it in your stride and enjoy watching the ride because it's quite entertaining in the long run....

Time will tell I'm sure! When our DD was a toddler going through a fussy eating phase my BIL declared that his future offspring would eat exactly what it would be given and get on with it. Said offspring now lives mostly on a diet of banana milkshake and doughnuts

They will soon change their tune 🤣

As Chilli would say, "Well good luck with that".

I think it was extremely rude to say they’d learn from your mistakes but if they are both united in their views I don’t really see why they won’t stick to those things. Its more the sort of behaviour - well my child won’t behave like that - which tends to be the domain of the blissfully naive first time parent.

I have a house filled with crap and a three year old lying next to me watching Gecko’s Garage so I’m not adhering to those particular standards myself! But there are things I’ve stood my ground on and any parent should.

Haha I thought that about TV and wooden toys, before dc1. Now our house, and car, are FILLED with colourful plastic tat that makes annoying noises. Kids' Netflix daily, especially in the Christmas holidays!

I've never quite understood the dummy thing though. (And same with formula). My baby was in nicu for the first day or so after the birth, and they kept phone calling us every few hours to double check we were OK with them giving him formula and a dummy. (We kept saying yes please, do whatever you can to keep him well and comfortable!) It really made us realise how many parents must be fussy about that. Now he's back at home he barely has either because he has BF 24-7, so it didn't do him any harm (of course!)

I was adamant i want going to use a dummy always hated them, my ds1 had jaundice wand was so ill he ended up in nicu they asked if he could have a dummy and quite frankly i was so worried i would have agreed to anything. He only has it for 4 months in the end as didn't really care for it but ds2 had it until we weaned him off it at 2. Both only had it for sleeping but was still something was convinced I wouldn't do!! Best lesson you can learn from other parents is not to be too rigid with your views on things!!

Yeah just smile and nod. I remember DSIL & DBIL telling us similar. It didn't last very long at all

Let them talk…. I was also like them 🙈 jokes on me now 😂

They are going to face a rude awakening once the kid is here. It's so easy to be 'the perfect parent' until you actually do the parenting full time.

That's very rude to say they'll learn from your mistakes.

I'm sure they'll change their tune on a lot of things once the baby arrives. But having said that it's not impossible to stick to certain things if you want to (but just not all things all the time). We didn't use dummies. It wasn't actually something I felt strongly about or even had a position on during pregnancy, but we just didn't buy them with either DD. I don't think that's superior - as I said I have no issue with them. But I don't think it's that ridiculous for someone to say they won't use them. Loads of people don't use them.

Incredibly rude to say they will learn from your mistakes. Bite your tongue and wait for them to quickly change their mind once the baby arrives.

I think with kids you just need to pick your battles. What is the hill you are willing to die on?
Dd1 needed a dummy despite me not wanting to give her one but my nipples were raw from her using me to sooth herself to sleep.
Dd2 was much less attached but I wasn't tempting my poor boobs again!
My kids were/still are fantastic eaters. I think that is just luck.
However sleep was something we just couldn't get right with dd1. When dd2 slept better, I was really confused. Dd1 is still a nightmare to get to sleep. Even at 13!
I would have done anything to get some proper sleep. All my preconceived ideas went out the window with desperation!
Maybe they will have the perfect baby? Or maybe they might have battles.
My FiL gave the best advice, the first year is about survival. Just do what you need to do to survive. As long as no one gets hurt just go with whatever makes things easier for you!