Prenatal Paternity Test..

[Willows23]

Hi,
Please no judgement although I rightly deserve it, I am feeling pretty horrendous right now.

Just need to get it off my chest somehow..

I have a 3yo with a very complicated on/off relationship with their dad, but have been trying to make positive steps to rebuild this recently.

I also have a childhood friend who just gets me, and for some reason its never happened before maybe drinks and my emotional instability DTD on CD9.. I didnt think anything of this because well life, stress, navigating a threenager and possible redundancy my heads a whirlwind. No excuse I know..

Then along comes the X and having not DTD for 6months it came out of the blue and somehow ended up on CD12.. it splits!

I have told the friend and his instant reaction was that I have two options but likely no way forward with the pregnancy without alot of upset on all sides.

Initially I was feeling the same, but after a day to think on things I think I really feel like I need to do the DNA test before making that decision, all be it being extautionately expensive and an agonising wait.

I can then have the conversation and make a joint decision which I think is the right thing to do.

My problem is getting through Christmas in close proximity to X and every urge of me wanting to tell him, im not sure I am ready for this or the aftermath it would cause.. or ruin Christmas for our 3yo.

I would only be 4 weeks based on the 1st day of my last period (28 CDs) so still so early to get tested.. already feeling awful with nausea and I think its 7 weeks before they can do the blood test.

I dont know if what I am thinking is rational or not anymore.. I am really struggling to hold it together.

Shit happens. What contraception did you use with each?

You know it could be either and you're taking steps to sort it out rather than lying about it to either of them. See if you can get the friend to do a DNA test as soon as you can - would he pay towards it?

Do you really need to see ex much over Christmas? This on/off relationship isn't healthy and will really mess your child up as they get older and understand. Personally I think you need to draw a line under that relationship and work towards amicable coparenting.

At least take a major step back and really take some time single to work on yourself. You say yourself you're emotionally fragile, whether you choose to have this second child or not you need to do some work to stop yourself getting in a tricky situation again, for your child's sake if you won't do it for your own. You can't build a healthy relationship for your child to model when you're in a bad place yourself. You're not in the right headspace to build anything.

I havent been on any for a little while as the the ex and I decided to just see if it happened before so or 2 years but that deparments been lacking for a while anyway, and we try to do as much as we can with our child and spend family time together when we can. With it being Christmas the plan was to share the day and boxing day to make it easier.. we had moved house not long before but the bickering over everything was exhausting so agreed to have a break to see how things settled.. so I guess it doesnt help emotionally, perhaps I didnt explain the on/off bit too well.. although it can be better and maybe single is the route to take after all of this.

Usually I am very much the oppersite and super careful about everything, which is adding to the fustration with myself, self confessed controo freak.

I am trying to do right, it is just the timing of finding out and then having to wait thats daunting.

Friend probably will help with it if I asked, he said its as much his fault as mine so that maybe something..

How did you get on willows?

How you getting on