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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Grieving and alone

14 replies

Baby341 · 20/12/2023 22:11

I’m just looking for some advice really, I lost my dad to cancer when I was ten weeks pregnant and then six weeks later my partner left me for a much younger woman introduced her to our two young children two days after I found out about them against my wishes. I don’t really get along well with my mum, my dad was the glue that kept us together I’m currently 39 weeks pregnant and my one and only friend moved to Scotland for work so feel totally in my own. The relationship wasn’t good between me and my children’s dad so kind of happy it’s over but he broke me down manipulated me to get rid of social media I barely left the house in the nine years we were together. Just feel totally lost every day is a struggle plus my four year old son has started playing up massively morning to night. Don’t know how to get through this. Also got a massive fear of my c section next week (had failed labour previous so opted for it) it’s almost like I can’t imagine me surviving it. Evenings are worst thinking of my kids without a mum. Anyone else have a really shitty pregnancy like me

OP posts:
Screwballs · 20/12/2023 22:21

Sorry OP, here for you. Sounds like a shit time. How are you feeling about c section?

WhatTheFudge0 · 20/12/2023 22:22

Oh I'm so sorry you're going through so much. It's a lot to be processing on your own.
I'd like to think your mum will be by your side, rooting for you and looking out for you. A mother's love is eternal and powerful.

You'll have a new little one to look after who will look towards you for all the comfort and love that only a mother can give. And hopefully this new joy can bring some light and happiness back in you and your DC's lives.

Your ex sounds like an idiot and you're definitely better off without him. Things will improve, even if you will find it a bit of struggle at first, slowly but surely you will find your feet and your new norm.....one that you control.

Original poster
Baby341 · 20/12/2023 22:25

It’s the c section that’s freaking me out the most, I know a bit of nerves is normal buts it’s like I can’t get excited about the baby for fear of the worst case scenario plus I have to go for it in my own as my mum will be looking after the kids

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 20/12/2023 22:29

I don't know if you have any funds available but maybe a doula might be an options..

Also maybe contact these people
https://www.doulaswithoutborders.com/

Someone who is on your side through this without being part of the midwife / health visitor team... but also reach out to your midwife and see what help and support they can set up for you.

Home | Doulas Without Borders

Doulas Without Borders is a UK wide network of volunteers offering accessible, grassroots services to women and childbearing people experiencing multiple disadvantage and financial hardship during pregnancy, birth and early parenthood.

https://www.doulaswithoutborders.com

Original poster
Baby341 · 20/12/2023 22:31

Me and my mum do try to get on when my dad first passed we got on well but recently it’s getting strained. I think we’re both too alike. I just want it to be next year when I’ve had baby and can finally do things for myself again. I do feel better for us splitting up he left me when he found out I was pregnant with our four year old for another woman and a year later when I was getting my life back on track he came back and stupidly took him but not this time. It’s hard spending days on end not talking to any adults. Thank you I know things will get better just can’t get past the dread of c section.

OP posts:
Screwballs · 20/12/2023 22:32

Baby341 · 20/12/2023 22:25

It’s the c section that’s freaking me out the most, I know a bit of nerves is normal buts it’s like I can’t get excited about the baby for fear of the worst case scenario plus I have to go for it in my own as my mum will be looking after the kids

Where are you based OP? That sound scary, but you are doing so well, it's one brave leap between now and holding your baby. And good riddance to that oxygen thief. I'm so sorry he introduced your children to someone else so early, just take pleasure in the fact that he's her problem now! I know it's easier said than done xx

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/12/2023 22:43

Who is looking after you and the kids post c section? Please tell midwives if you'll be alone

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/12/2023 22:43

Ps c section is fine it's just annoyingly hard to move around for a week after. I

Original poster
Baby341 · 21/12/2023 21:28

Sorry ladies I felt unwell last night and slept all day today got high blood pressure this afternoon and just now it’s 168/101. Pointless phoning hospital now as no one to watch kids so just trying to relax till tmrw 😅 one thing after another

OP posts:
Original poster
Baby341 · 21/12/2023 21:31

My mum will be looking after me post, but when I had my son four years ago we fell out on day two of her been at mine so was on my own for the duration to be honest I wasn’t that bad just sore at the end of the day but I had a two year old as well so having to pick her up didn’t help.

OP posts:
Original poster
Baby341 · 21/12/2023 21:33

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is so true it was a lot worse when I was having my son (apart from loosing my dad this time) it was really hard with my son so this time round I feel I can handle anything… most days

OP posts:
Passmealargewine · 21/12/2023 21:49

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much all at once. I lost my brilliant dad in October & don't have the best relationship with my mom so I can understand where you're coming from. Please don't worry about your c section, I know they're all different but I had mine 6 years ago & it was nowhere near as bad as I was imagining. It was tough afterwards with a useless husband (now ex luckily) but you just manage. I'm sure you will find a way to get through it

Original poster
Baby341 · 21/12/2023 22:08

I’m sorry to hear about your dad it’s the worst thing in the world, my dad past when I was ten weeks pregnant and I’d had two previous miscarriages at ten weeks so I tried to keep it all in but recently with baby been on move and nearly at the finish line it’s starting to hit me. Just can’t wait to be in a separate room to baby be on my own and have a really good cry

OP posts:
Hoping4amiracle · 21/12/2023 23:10

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP, you deserve so much better.

I don’t know what support is in your area but would be worth googling to see if there are any crisis groups local to you as you sound like you need a hug, reassurance and a caring ear. Xx

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