5 kids under 9 on my own scared!

[Jessie278]

All kids with same dad. 2 are Sen and are extremely hard work.
They are 7 & nearly 9.
Other two are 4 & 1 and I'm 13 weeks with number 5.
Just discovered he hasn't changed his ways again and has been messaging other women. I'm not staying for the kids. He can leave and I'll do it alone. But I am scared!

I don't have support in regards to baby sitters or things like that. And when he isn't here, he's not much help. Doesn't pay his way, doesn't take them out etc. so it will all fall to me. But I feel I can do it? I did it alone with 4 for 6 months and although it was stressful (school holidays!) I did it. Kids was happy and in a routine.

I just don't know what to do. In an ideal world I wouldn't be having this baby but I just can't bring myself to terminate. Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this or gone through it and coped? Or any advice.
Thanks

I'd stick at 4. At 13 weeks you have options, though you need to get a move on. "I can't bring myself to terminate" is actually putting your feelings ahead of the lives of your existing kids, who will not benefit from your attention being divided one more way. Sorry, but another one is for your benefit not theirs - think carefully before you continue.

Was also on contraception which has clearly failed. (Coil) and I'm a carer to my eldest as she has numerous complex sen needs so I'm always at home. So don't need to worry about maternity leave.

Yep so would I. You don’t have to have the fifth.

What are you going to live on?

Have you got any family or friends that could help you out? Who will look after 4 DC while you giving birth to fifth? I think you are right to offload useless sounding partner. Make sure he pays full maintenance for all DC. Go through CMS if you have to.

My sister got pregnant on the coil and it had moved and was tangled up in afterbirth. She has never regretted having her youngest though.

I wouldn't have the 5th, it would be too much if the eldest two DC are extremely hard work and you have two other little ones.

The money I receive a month luckily should be fine to cover the baby. It's just the logistical side of doing it all on my own. Going into Labour my friend would have them or his mum would. Although can't see them being pleased at the situation.

@caringcarer That sounds so painful!

Stick with 4 kids. You’ll be doing your family a favour.

Don't let a load of randos on mn tell you whether to have an abortion or not.
It will be hard. Are you part of a church or anything like that which might help you? With that many kids on your own you need community I think.

In your situation, I'd absolutely have a termination. I'd not be willing to make my own life so incredibly hard.

Also, what if the fifth child also has additional needs like their siblings? I really think you need to be sensible here.

Financially and logistically this sounds extremely tough. Will you be able to offer enough emotional support to your existing children while caring for a newborn?

Are you married to the father? If so, does he have assets/ income that you would get a share of on divorce?

Obviously it has to be your decision, but rather than seeing it as what you owe the unborn child, I would look at what is in the benefit of your 4 children. Another child will make their lives much more difficult, if you can put them at the centre of the decision instead, you may find it easier to accept.

She said she didn't feel it. She didn't realise she was pregnant until 14 weeks though because she thought she was protected from pregnancy.