Is 10 weeks to early to tell people ?

[MoonstoneGoddess]

On Christmas day I'll be 10 weeks 5 days
We always planned to tell family at 12 weeks no sooner but I'd really love to share with my parents at Christmas.
This would be first grandchild and I'd love to get them a card saying happy Christmas grandmother and grandad ect with a baby scan pic inside . We just had a scam done today but I'm kinda scared telling so soon incase something goes wrong as I'm still early. Do you think I'm just best to wait .
I did have a previous miscarriage one year ago that has frightened me a little

Tell them. The 12 week rule isn't for me. I've had the worst happen and was glad I had people who love me help me through. X

I told my parents as soon as I found out this time. I'd had a chemical pregnancy the cycle prior, and I needed their support if anything had gone wrong again.
We told siblings once I'd had an early scan at 8 weeks and everything was looking okay. Once you've had a scan and things are developing normally, the risk of miscarriage drops (but not totally).
We didn't tell anyone else until 12 weeks, or put anything on social media until 20, as those were people I wouldn't have wanted to have a conversation with if things hadn't worked out.

I told my parents at 10 weeks and everyone else at 12. There really isn't much in it. Go with what feels right for you :)

I'd say don't tell anyone you wouldn't be prepared to have ask about how it's going, or tell about a miscarriage or TFMR, or who can't keep it to themselves.

I told my parents pre 12w for the first 2 (MC) and around 14 weeks for this pregnancy (currently 34w). My mum said she was glad, she would have worried so much about me if I'd told her before the 12w scan (which was exactly the reason i didn't tell her).

They'll be just as delighted if you tell them in 2 weeks, if you feel more comfortable telling them after the scan.

I may be old fashioned, I told people as and when, almost from when we found out. A friend we were planning to go skiing with very early on. Parents, family members, my manager early on as I was sick as anything. People we knew would support us if the worst happened.

What we didn't do though was a Big Announcement. Pregnancy is wonderful and normal and fraught with difficulty and I just couldn't face a big fanfare under any circumstances. Everyone was pleased for us and occasionally asked how I was.

If you’ve had a scan I would tell them especially as Christmas is another week away, the risk of miscarriage doesn’t just suddenly drop at 12 weeks it declines the closer you get. Perhaps just ask them to keep it quiet until your 12 week scan? I told my mum if she couldn’t keep it to herself she would be responsible for untelling everyone if it went wrong!

We told my family, work and everyone when I was 5 weeks. Ds was so much wanted and I tried to conceive for 4 years. We were just elated and couldn't have waited a moment longer to share the news.

Telling people at Christmas makes it a very big announcement. It you miscarry (much more common before your 12 week scan) you and possibly your family might feel especially sad the following Christmas.
A family member announced their pregnancy at nine weeks last Christmas, only to miscarry at 11+6 and be struggling with infertility this Christmas. We have our usual big family Christmas Day planned but I imagine she’s feeling pretty sad.
If you have the type of family who will support you regardless of the outcome, why not share it with them now?

I wouldn't.

I had two lovely straightforward pregnancies, and now have 2 wonderful DC.

My 3rd pregnancies ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks and 4 days, 2 days before my 12 week scan.

I didn't end up having a third DC and never will as split from my DP and too old now anyway.

Savvy21 I am so with you there. Found exactly the same thing!!

If you miscarry at Christmas it’ll be awful whether you’ve told or not. Surely it’s better to have family support. Don’t not tell because you’re worried about their feelings, they should want to support you whatever happens

Thanks for your responses ladies. I think we'll go ahead and tell them. We only plan on telling our parents. We don't plan on telling extended family or friends for another while.
Our family don't know that we're trying for a baby. We've been doing ivf quite a few years now and this pregnancy is a result of that ivf. I did have a loss last year at 4.5 weeks which made me hesitant. Nobody knew of that loss. I kinda wished at the time I'd told them as I felt I really lacked support other than from dh.
My mother in particular has had a really tough year and I know she's desperate for some good news. Christmas is a difficult time for her and I know hearing we might have a baby on the way would make Christmas that bit more special again. She worked as a midwife and has had her own miscarriages back in the day so I'm sure she's aware nothing is guaranteed with pregnancy and I know she wouldn't want me going through something like this alone if something did happen but obviously we're praying this is our time and our little miracle is safe and well

I'd say to tell them. Pregnancy is out of your control and it's good to have the support if things don't go to plan

This is not a given, universal feeling amongst women. I wish it wasn't always put forward as such.

When I miscarried my first pregnancy at 9 weeks my biggest wish was (and still is, 18 years later) that we hadn't already told people. And it's not because our families are arseholes...they're not. But I didn't particularly need or want their support, I had dh for that and I'm a private person. I'd rather just get on with things in my own way.

For me, almost as awful as the miscarriage itself, was people knowing. Asking how I was. Being kind and treating me gently until I wanted to scream. MIL thoughtfully acknowledging the due date when it passed. Still now, 18 YEARS later, if mc comes up in general conversation with some family they'll remember and acknowledge (kindly) that of course dh and I know how awful it is. I wish to God none of them knew.

I would have found it far easier had no one known. I could have actually moved on then without being regularly smacked in the face with a (well meaning) reminder when I least expected it.

I think that most people wait at least until the first scan at 12/week has come ok to release the news, for obvious reasons.

Hi,
I will also be 10+6 on Christmas Day, and we are planning on telling family then- it will be very obvious as to why I'm not drinking, so they'll probably guess anyway! I've also had a miscarriage in the past, but had a scan at 8+4, and all was good with a strong heartbeat. We're booked in for a scan on the 23rd and have planned to do the same as you and put a little scan picture in Christmas cards for everyone.
I think if you've already had a positive scan, you should be fine telling your family on Christmas.
Best of luck 😊 x

Oh I wanted to add as to why we don't wait until new years. My partner and I won't see my parents for ny as we agreed to spend Christmas with mine and ny with his parents. Telling our parents is something we want to do in person not over a phone.
After New years dosent really seem like the right time to tell my parents. January just dosent feel like the right time for us to share our news. Start of January last year is when we lost our first baby and it dosent feel right to me telling people and being happy about this baby at the same time id lost my first. It would feel like I've forgotten about it . It took 14 yrs to get pregnant and I've thought about that first baby all year. We also have a few family anniversarys of loved ones and announcing during that period is just wrong while everyone is remembering and grieving. If we leave it any later I don't want my mum to see a bump as by January i will be 3+ and question me , it should come from me first

Given all your updates OP I would definitely tell them, sounds like it would be good news for you all. If your Mum used to be a midwife I’m sure she will be aware of the risks in early pregnancy but you might be grateful for her support in the pregnancy too! Many people have their dating scan before bang on 12 weeks as well I was about 11+2 when I had mine which is not much further along than you will be.

@MoonstoneGoddess It sounds like you’ve made a really good decision. You can tell people whenever you want, the 12 week wait works for some people but is not a rule everyone has to - or wants to - follow.

I’m really sorry about your previous loss, it’s heartbreaking I know. You never forget lost babies but please don’t feel guilty about being happy and excited for the new little one. It’s a really wonderful thing! Hope you have a lovely Christmas and that January isn’t too awful. xx

I was in the same boat as you and we went for it. All was good.

@SpringingJoy I guess I was lucky in that I didn't have any of that - no wonder you wanted to scream. People were nice but I wasn't treated any differently. They were just there when I wanted to talk about it which I found did help.

@MoonstoneGoddess as others have made clear, it's such a personal decision. With my DS who was lockdown baby we kept it quiet until the 12wk scan and luckily all was healthy. My family were thrilled to know we were safely through the first trimester - especially as my Sister had previously had miscarriages which I knew would have made them nervous. My second pregnancy earlier this year we shared with close relatives from the get-go. Unfortunately it ended as a MMC at 11+4. But I was really glad that little one had been celebrated while it was here and also that I had great support. All the people who knew would have been told about the miscarriage anyway. I've unfortunately had 2 further losses since which has made me extremely cautious.

Currently pregnant again and due a scan next week at 7+3... Really torn... If scan is positive I know people would be delighted after the year we've had, but also very conscious we won't be past the danger points (though realistically I guess you never are although obviously safer the further you go). Again, people would want to know and support if the worst happened again so it might be worth sharing a bit of joy 'in the moment'... Will see. I didn't want to share immediately this time because I'm sick of everyone being worried and on tenterhooks for me... Right now, the scan still feels like a massive hurdle to get past so we'll see. Will be 8 weeks exactly on Christmas day. 🙏🏼🌈💕

We told our parents at 6 weeks after a private scan. We wanted to know bean was okay before we went on holiday and figured we may as well share because if anything went wrong we'd both like to have our parents support. DD is 9.5 months old now so it all worked in our favour and my partner's parents especially were very excited to be involved so early on

My poor dad literally ignored my aunts for 3 weeks as he couldn’t trust himself to blurt out our news when they asked how was your Christmas!!

we did them cards and gave them out after all the presents had been done……. I was a mass of excitement all day as I knew what was coming when husband got home!!

have a fabulous Christmas!!

There's a difference between telling your family and putting it on social media for everyone to see. I would wait but I understand why you'd want to share the news at Christmas.

Have the most special Christmas making the announcement @MoonstoneGoddess - I'm sure it be just wonderful. It's a really personal decision and you've just got to do you. Enjoy x