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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Funeral at 36 weeks and travel

22 replies

MimosasInFrance · 14/12/2023 14:30

Would really value advice from anyone who has been pregnant before!

I'm 36 weeks pregnant exactly today. Healthy pregnancy and low risk, but feel knackered and struggling a bit with pelvic pain atm.

Tomorrow is my grandad's funeral. I'd obviously like to be there, but it's worrying me a bit!

I live in London and the service is in the North of England. We don't have a car, and the jouney door to door would take at least 4 hrs (an hour on the tube, 2.5hr train, and a half hour taxi). If we go, we'd need to go back and forth in a day (my husband would come with me, and he's happy with whatever I decide).

Is this doable/sensible or a ridiculous thing to consider?

I really don't want to end up giving birth far from home in a strange hospital, and then dealing with getting a newborn baby back to London without a car (and even with a car, it would be a bit of a palava as they're not meant to be in car seats that long?). At the same time I don't want to be overcautious when in all liklihood I won't give birth for weeks...

Obviously if we had a car the obvious thing to do would be to chuck all the stuff we'd need in it as a precaution, but that's not very plausible on the train, though I guess we could bring a small bag of essentials.

Doesn't help that trains have been so to pot recently.

Help! What would you do?

OP posts:

JulieLew · 14/12/2023 14:35

How about hire a car for a couple of days?

Chaiandtoast · 14/12/2023 14:37

Can either of you drive? I’d get a hire car if you can. The train fair will be expensive anyway and at least you’ll have a bit more comfort and can take breaks when you need to.

Original poster

MimosasInFrance · 14/12/2023 14:46

We could hire a car in theory, although the journey takes much longer by car generally (you'd need to leave 5 hrs to be safe) and the nearest car hire place is quite far from us so we'd need to factor that time in too.

There's Zipcar in London which we've used before and which would be ideal but friends of ours had the car cut out in a rural location when it lost signal - not something I fancy risking!

OP posts:

Islandme · 14/12/2023 14:49

I could've wrote this word for word about 2 years ago!

My granda died and funeral was when I was 37 weeks pregnant I'm in London and funeral was in Cumbria.

I recently did the drive up to Cumbria and I found it unbearable and I'm of course no longer pregnant.

It's completely upto you, to be honest, I didn't go. Visited the grave since and my mum bought the order of service back for me.

Original poster

MimosasInFrance · 14/12/2023 15:04

@Islandme - thanks, that's really helpful! To be honest the prospect of the journey itself at all feels really exhausting at this stage, but I'm worried about regretting it if I don't go. Although my grandad would almost certainly have told me to stay put and not to be so bloody daft!

OP posts:

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 14/12/2023 15:06

If it too late to ask the funeral director if they can live stream the service? This is something offered post covid.

Mummyme87 · 14/12/2023 15:07

I’m travelling for Christmas as 37weeks on the nose and travelling back at 37+4 from south London to Northumberland. We will have a car though. I’ve travelled this late with first two babies aswell. I think the train would be fine, potentially easier than sitting in a car. If I delivered up there my plan would be to train it back down

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/12/2023 15:09

At 36 weeks I'd travel to a Grandparent's funeral if at all possible. I would travel back the next day though and see if someone can pick you up from the train station.

Chaiandtoast · 14/12/2023 15:22

I think you’ll be fine to go, I’d do a hire car and overnight if I wanted to go. However I think it’s fine not to go too. Funerals aren’t the only way to pay your respects. Send flowers and visit the gravesite when you can. You could also do some sort of ‘ceremony’ at home for example you could light a candle and say a few words on the day, look through photos, and celebrate his life privately.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 14/12/2023 16:11

At 36 weeks I didn't go to my brother's wedding in Cornwall - I'm in Yorkshire. Baby didn't come that weekend, but he was still early! My nephew webcast the wedding for me. I think I'd regret not attending a gp's funeral though.

If I was going to travel from London to the N of England, I'd do it by train though. As you say, much quicker than driving. (Our hospitals are ok you know 🤣).

Whataretheodds · 14/12/2023 17:38

I used these guys - they can drop off a car to you and collect it. It was very easy. I agree splitting the journey so you come back a day later would make sense. But there isn't a right/ wrong answer here. Whatever you decide will be OK.

Here's a referral code.

refer.govirtuo.com/lauras-4117

Hollyhead · 14/12/2023 17:43

I think it would be fine- you’re very unlikely to go into Labour, and even if you did, if it was on the way you could just turn around at any point on the journey the train stops. Take your green notes with you if they’re still a thing. Is there not a quicker way into London than an hour on the tube?

GreatGateauxsby · 14/12/2023 17:45

If it was abroad I’d say no.

but if you want to go… go for it.

I went to Ireland for my uncles funeral at 28 weeks and haven’t had the best pregnancy…not the worst either….
when I got knackered I just took myself off to a corner or spare bedroom (I am very close to the family) for a rest.

RandomMess · 14/12/2023 17:57

I wouldn't do it because the trains are so unreliable and you really do not want to make your pelvic problems worse.

Sammie1990 · 14/12/2023 20:26

Hi
I’m 35 weeks pregnant so can relate to your feelings about being away from home and the impact such a journey would have. I obviously don’t know the relationship you and your grandfather had but if it were my grandparent I would take the view that they would want to do what is best for me rather than put myself under such stress. My view is funerals are more for the living than those who have passed and your grandfather would want you to put you and their great grandchild first x

Thankyouthankyoujellybean · 14/12/2023 21:00

I'm sorry for your loss. My Gran died when I was 37 weeks but that was a (short) flight away so I didn't have any dilemma. My Mum phoned me at the beginning of the service, I put myself on mute and could hear the whole thing very well. I sat in a quiet corner of a park and the whole experience was lovely.

At the end, the vicar did a blessing for the family, touching everyone on the head. He also touched the phone, I'm told 😆

Callmemummynotmaaa · 14/12/2023 22:39

I’d travel - your maternity notes are the only thing you really need. It’s one day up and back BUT funerals are a huge part of my culture and I wouldn’t want to miss it.

But, then I am also aware that for me it wouldn’t cause lots of anxiety. I’m traveling for Christmas and coming home at 37 weeks pregnant (which is when my eldest dd was born)…but my DS was post term…and I’m just not the kind of person that can sit and wait for anything for 6 weeks :) suits me to keep busy/active.

Hope your family understand whatever decision you make OP. Sorry for your loss x

EmmasDilemmas · 14/12/2023 22:51

I went to a grandparent’s funeral at 38 weeks which involved a 4 hour drive. My husband drove and we stayed over with parents afterwards which was quite close, so we split the journey over 2 days. Took my notes and worked out in advance which hospital made sense if I needed to go to a local one. I was glad I went but I was still a long way off labour at that point and feeling ok (my babies seem to come late). Lots of people were surprised to see me so I think the decision not to go would have seemed logical and understandable - and I’m sure it will be the same for you if you decide you don’t feel up to travelling.

Mydustymonstera · 14/12/2023 22:59

Train will be more comfortable than driving. Car seats etc can be bought anywhere, but bring your maternity notes.
cancel if there is known train disruption that day.
its ok not to go if you really don’t want to.

BurbageBrook · 14/12/2023 23:00

I'd go.

BertieBotts · 16/12/2023 19:20

The chances of going into labour spontaneously at 36/37 weeks are very low. I'd go if you want to. Don't mess around bringing the car seat. If you happen to give birth that can be a "cross that bridge when we come to it" situation.

YogiYogiBear · 17/12/2023 14:31

I'm planning a slightly longer journey post Christmas and am about 4 weeks behind you. I've chosen train even though I drive as at least the train will have toilet, hopefully won't get stuck in traffic and you can move about. I'd go if I were you. If you do end up giving birth, travelling home on train will be safer for the baby than in a car.

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