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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Shared parental leave stories

23 replies

chlo299 · 14/12/2023 12:17

Hi All, me and my partner are thinking of sharing my maternity leave in a way that I would take 39weeks and my partner the remaining 12 weeks. Has anyone done it this way? I can't seem to find much information on it it all pretty much waffled around the same thing. I wish I could relate to someone's experience with this. Basically I want to use up all SMP benefits for the 39weeks then technically have my partner to 12 weeks of unpaid leave but taken from my maternity allowance. Can anyone relate please ? Many thanks x

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glasspaw · 14/12/2023 13:33

We are doing it but not using the full amount. Your assumption above is correct though. You just share the full 52 weeks (but mum has to legally take 2 weeks immediately after birth).

your work places will have different forms to complete so make sure you request shared parental leave ones rather than maternity.

be prepared for your partners work to be very confused because it seems like not many really know how to set it up haha.

cosylife · 14/12/2023 13:50

We did it but less amount. I took 6 months and he took the final 3. Doing it again this time round. Was perfect for us all and great bonding time for Dad and baby too.

Yours and his HR dept should be able to sort it all out for you 😊

Original poster

chlo299 · 14/12/2023 13:56

@glasspaw @cosylife thanks both x even my hr was confused they seemed like "why would you even want to do it we're offering a great package" but I'm only talking about the time when the work package as well as SMP ends. Instead of me being on the remaining 3months of unpaid maternity i want to use my accrued holiday while he uses those 3months that I haven't used and we bond with the baby 😊

Also his workplace is happy to do it although they never heard of it. Is this something the workplace will need to set up? Potentially mine too. Is it hard?

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Bramleyappletarts · 14/12/2023 14:06

We used shared parental leave both times. My DH was the first in his company to take it but the company was acccommodating (particularly since he was taking the unpaid bit..!) - I think they have to be. It took a bit of paperwork though - after the first two weeks mat/pat leave you can slice up your 52 weeks however you like provided you give 8 weeks notice of your intentions, but it usually makes financial sense to take of the usually more generous enhanced maternity pay. We split 6/6 first time around which was a bit early for me but done for work reasons, and 9/3 second time around.

Transformational for our relationship - pre SPL, DH would often work late, and come home oblivious to my resentment. After, he's home at a reasonable hour every day and works evenings if he needs to catch up, and does just as much childcare as I do - we both agreed that being the SAHP was much more tiring than being the working parent.

Original poster

chlo299 · 14/12/2023 14:11

@Bramleyappletarts that's very helpful thank you x

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BendingSpoons · 14/12/2023 14:19

We did exactly what you are proposing and it was great. DH got to experience being at home full time. Some people complain that is the fun bit when hopefully they are sleeping better and interacting more, but I was ready to go back to work.

It was pretty straightforward as the last 3m are unpaid. I think DH showed his work a copy of my Mat B form, but as they weren't trying to pay him SMP, I don't think they did any checks. They are a small company though, and larger firms may do it differently.

summerlovingvibes · 14/12/2023 14:19

We did exactly that ratio - DH had 12 weeks at the end (obviously a couple of weeks at the start).

It was lovely!

I went back 3 days a week so I used up a bunch of leave which meant we had a full month off together when baby was around 9-10 months. We went on holiday, had some lovely family days out together, lots of time at home and time to see people that loved further away we don't usually want to use a weekend for.

It also meant that when my DD was settling into childcare ahead of us both being back at work, we did it in a way so I used some of the annual leave I'd saved so it was a really gentle settling in time.

Do it if you can!

You basically just need to tell HR exactly what you are doing. My DH's work needed a letter from my work to say I was curtailing my leave, but only because he got paid whilst off so I think they needed to check I was stopping g my leave.

summerlovingvibes · 14/12/2023 14:20

We then did it again with our second DD but he only had 8 weeks instead of 12 - I was more selfish in wanting more time off 😂

Original poster

chlo299 · 14/12/2023 14:24

@summerlovingvibes amazing 🤩 this is exactly what we were hoping for use it as good bonding time go on some trips as the baby will be around 10months visit family who all live abroad just sounds like a great experience wish it was more popular!

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user1499609760 · 14/12/2023 14:29

We intend to do this (baby due in the next two months). I’m taking around 8 months (though more like 7.5 as I’m taking some accrued holiday at the end) and DH is taking 3 months; that will bring us more or less to our little one’s first birthday, all being well. We’re very fortunate that DH’s portion is paid, so we’ll have both salaries again at that stage. But we’re more doing it so he gets time with the baby and to bond etc.

I got the impression our two HR departments were liaising about it: I sent in my paperwork a while back, DH has just done his recently and was told his work would contact mine. I might write to them about it just to double check though…

dementedpixie · 14/12/2023 14:29

It really depends what his employer offers. They may offset any paid leave they offer against any paid leave you've had leaving him unpaid or on a much smaller pay.

summerlovingvibes · 14/12/2023 14:33

I obviously can't say for certain because we have no control / only did it this away but I think it definitely cemented the bond between my DH & DD too - and I think it made him a better dad for having to do the every day stuff for a while. It certainly made me more happy to settle her in gradually with the child minder!

Original poster

chlo299 · 14/12/2023 14:35

@summerlovingvibes daft questions what do you guys mean by DH and DD I'm clueless and completely new to this 😃

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dementedpixie · 14/12/2023 14:36

Dear/darling husband/daughter

summerlovingvibes · 14/12/2023 14:37

Darling Husband and Darling Daughter!
You'll see the same for DS (Darling Son) etc. DF, DM (father, mother etc).
Even if they aren't actually "darlings" and more like "annoying" we somehow still call them darling on here.... 😂

summerlovingvibes · 14/12/2023 14:37

Or "dearest"... can't actually ever remember!

Original poster

chlo299 · 14/12/2023 14:37

Thanks 😃

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Retrogamer · 14/12/2023 14:46

I did it with DS.
I took 6 weeks off my smp and gave it to DH who used it after his 2 weeks paternity. So we both has 2 months off with the newborn which helped a great deal.

I had to have everything in writing and formally send an email out. They gave me a form to fill in to confirm. DH had to do the same and have it agreed on dates.

My HR gave me a bit of bother though when it came to payment. They didn't pay me at all and I had to go through acas to sort it out. (Which they did)

Original poster

chlo299 · 14/12/2023 15:14

@Retrogamer oh no what a shame about your HR! Glad acas managed to sort it out. Did your DH get paid for those 6 weeks after first 2 weeks of paternity? As in was it deducted from your SMP allowance and they you had the other portion of it?

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chali7 · 14/12/2023 15:26

We have done this twice. The first time we split it 3 months to me and 6 to my partner. This time 4 to me and 5 to my partner. Both times our HR teams have dealt with all the necessary bits their ends, we have just had to supply dates and some information. It's really great that dad's can have some time too. Enjoy every moment. X

EllieQ · 14/12/2023 16:29

We did it, though only within the 39 paid weeks - I had the first seven months and DH had the last two months. It worked very well - DH had always been an involved parent in evenings/ at weekends, but I don’t think he really understood what being at home with a baby was like until he did it himself. He is definitely one of the most involved dads I know, and I’ve never had to worry about leaving DD with him.

This was a few months after Shared Parental Leave was brought in, so we were the first case for both our HR departments. This was back in 2015 so it’s a bit concerning that his employer hadn’t heard of it! Remember that it is a statutory requirement so his employer can’t claim ‘they don’t do it’.

I went back to work full time but used accrued leave to work three days a week, then four days, so we had time together, which was lovely. It was a lot easier for me to settle into work knowing DD was at home, rather than settling her into nursery at the same time. Then, when DH was back at work at DD started nursery, I was ‘established’ back at work so having to take time off for any illnesses wasn’t as stressful.

I’d really recommend it!

Retrogamer · 14/12/2023 19:14

Yeah, so he got paid paternity 90% of his wages, then the next 6 weeks he was paid maternity pay which was taken as smp. So I got 33 weeks of pay instead of 39.
DH got his pay no problem, my HR however didn't understand how it worked. So I didn't get paid at first, acas sorted it out and they paid me a lump sum of what I was owed so far, then pay continued as usual up to my 33rd week.
It's a bit of a faff to sort but I'm glad we did it.
Hope that helps

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 14/12/2023 21:33

We did it and most of my friends did also. Check the shared parental leave section of his contract (different to the paternity section). My partner got full pay for five months with our first, and is getting 2.5 months full pay with our second at a different company.

You can take it in sections also. We overlapped for 2.5 months when baby was five months old, and we went travelling. It was really special. My partner took some on his own, then I took the last bit again when baby was a little older so I got to experience that.

Highly recommend it for having an equal parenting relationship like a PP says- my partner is amazing with our son and pulls his weight

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