Guilt - Time off During Pregnancy

[MollWoo]

Hi All!

Im currently 11 weeks pregnant (first child, but fifth pregnancy).

I have had to phone in sick for the third day in a row as I’m really struggling with pregnancy related symptoms.

I’m constantly nauseous 24/7 and being sick several times a day. Completely exhausted, headaches and feeling generally run down. Think I may be slightly dehydrated, as I tend to throw up after having water/food. I can feel it taking a toll on my mental health, especially thinking about previous pregnancies.

My line manager is usually really supportive, but he has been ‘off’ with me each time I have had to call in sick this week, like he doesn’t believe me. Asking me to at least log in and check my emails, and being generally standoffish. He is aware of my pregnancy. His attitude is making me feel really guilty for the time off I’m having and I can’t try and relax and get better because all I can think about is work and letting him down. It’s a really busy time at work, but I’m honestly too unwell to log in.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do I convince my line manager that I’m genuinely too unwell to work? I can’t get a sick not let until seven days of absence, and I’ve offered to speak to the occupational health nurse when I’m back.

Really want to rest without the guilt so I can feel better before Christmas!

Many Thanks in advance! 😊

It's difficult as legally and morally you are completely in the right and he has no right at all to ask you to at least check emails, etc, when you're so sick and pregnant. I had real trouble sticking up for myself too in a very anxious high risk pregnancy (because you don't want the stress of conflict as well as everything else.) So even though I knew the law was on my side I didn't, and ended up having a breakdown and getting signed off. Can you self certify for the next seven days? You shouldn't be pressured to work when sick and you are protected by law, but I know how horrible it feels when someone's off with you.

I had this a little bit but once I produced a sick note for hyperemisis everything went back to normal and my manager has been incredibly supportive. I wonder if I was just feeling super sensitive about the situation and she wasn’t actually being off with me. I’m in quite a senior role so it would be normal for me to need to give a bit of a handover or see if anything urgent came in so I could send on to someone else. It would normally be fine but I found that very difficult when constantly being sick and don’t think my manager realised how bad it was until I was signed off.

I had major problems this pregnancy first trimester & with management.I was off for around 7 weeks in the end due to hypermesis. Please do speak to your doctor as it could be hypermesis that you have & you may benefit from anti sickness meds that could potentially help or sick note. I was bed bound. You need to rest & look after yourself either way. I had to speak to an intermediary team who helped to clarify & sort things & manager eventually stopped being a bully! If you have such support available then reach out to them to help you as you don’t need this on your plate when you are ill!

I would go and see your GP. They can assess if you're dehydrated and give you some anti sickness meds. It could be hyperemesis. You may also need treatment for the dehydration.

I think you might benefit from speaking to GP about possible hyperemesis.

I am in my second pregnancy first was fine, with no real sickness or days off...

By the time I have the 2nd baby I'll have had about 2 months off work... All of which was 2nd and 3rd trimester.

Personally I have found it very hard going. Not just the plethora of illnesses but the fact that I am not reliable in my role. My work have said all the right things but are clearly annoyed. I don't care at this point...my focus is my health and the baby.

Go and see your GP and get signed off for a week or two with a review. This will do 2 things

1. Let you focus on feeling better

1. Get your line manager of your case and get him to redistribute your work as he will know you are off for an extended period..

I can completely relate to the guilt. I'm currently 12 weeks and was signed off for 2 weeks after having already had sick time. For me, there was sickness and nausea (although not hyperemesis) but mostly extreme fatigue (feels like I have the flu). Already have acid reflux before getting pregnant so that has really flared up (also making me sick, awake in the night etc). Found out I was anaemic, went back to work for a day, and then was off again so I just got signed off.
My manager luckily has been great but I do think it's just easier to be signed off as then it confirms you have spoken to a doctor etc.

I've found the guilt hard as worry people won't believe me, not helped by the fact another colleague had hypermesis for her whole pregnancy and never took a day off sick for it. I worry everyone will think 'well everyone gets tired when they're pregnant' but this has been so beyond normal tiredness. The fact is that having these symptoms when pregnant are things that many people would not deal with well at all if they had the same level of sickness/fatigue. Men can never understand, and women who have had easy pregnancies can sometimes be even worse.

Ask a doctor to sign you off for a few weeks and tell your manager you won't be checking your emails.