Earlier in first trimester when we broke the baby news, our family (both me and husband) overjoyed and especially the parents gave TONS OF ADVICE! I suffered from breakdown. The situation has been calmed down , at least on my parents side we clashed and communicated several times and have been improved. My parents since learnt step back a bit. Whereas the mum-in-law, because not meet her often so as time passed just feel better.
Now progress to the second trimester, my husband side got two siblings - whom both have children. And their last kids were both just over one year old. Both gender cover. They cannot wait to dump all their no longer useful baby items to us. And in fact, if we want, we have either gender. Almost like we do not need to buy anything at all if we want to. The siblings are also had enough kids not planning for more. The siblings live close to mum-in-law, so mum-in-law household also got tons of baby items for their visit.
Last weekend visit the in-laws, they asked how's the scan - what's the gender. Because I was overwhelmed in the first trimester of all their comments. I chose not to know the gender. So when I told them , we decided not to know about the gender. the next thing they said was - 'oh, I've already packed all the things that you could use and wait to hear what's the gender' . I felt their starting point was for them to dump their stuff rather than to care about the pregnancy.
The MIL - also said the same and asked my husband to go to the loft had a deep dive of all the dusted away items. I have to say some I don't mind to have, but almost all the things I don't want at all. My mattress was even moulded. of course we won't use it, but the MIL said could just buy a replacement. It's more work to find replacement than off the shelf I found.
We are not particular tight in money and it's our first child, we had all the images of what's the baby would wear what pram to use etc. The bros and sis-in-laws kids clothes, I don't like them at all.
Then moving on to my parents, who live overseas, they collected boxes and boxes of kids and pregnancy books from uncles and aunties. And asked if I want any. Again, one thing is overseas (very unlikely I will accept) and I just got asked all people junk in short-spaced of time. I do understand they came from good intention, as in I could imagine after newborn maybe tight in money. or it grow so fast , everything only use within months.
I did read books and research and almost all the books did advice accept all the donations , with the same reason being baby grow so fast. it's waste of money. but at the moment my gut feeling don't follow so. would prefer all things my own with my own style.
Though I know if we say no, the MIL, bro-in-laws & sis-in-laws wouldn't be offended. They did say no pressure.
I wonder if anyone experience the same?
I overall got very irritated when ppl give their advice/ share their horrible story etc. But I couldn't say anything because they might be true as I have no clue at this stage. I would rather leave alone and explore myself which I very much look forward to.
I realise ppl for some reason hardly share the happiness come from newborn. And It's completely contrast when I share experience in this forum, all the posters are so supportive and indeed have very similar experience!