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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Abortion or not? 4th unexpected pregnancy.

20 replies

Emflou · 13/12/2023 13:09

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my 4th, having a 6, 5 and 2 year old already. My husband is sure that 4 is just pushing us too much, practically in the house and car, attention for the kids, everything really. It’s such a horrific decision because it is so life changing if we continue. Any regrets with anyone who has 4? Or anyone aborted a 4th or any child and know it was right for them? I know it’s such a personal thing but I am so torn. Thank you

OP posts:
BlueGirl1982 · 13/12/2023 13:31

I'm in the same situation but I've just found out I'm unexpectedly pregnant with my third (have a 7 & 4 year old already) My husband also thinks it's too much, unfair on existing kids, finances stretched too far. I am the same as you, so torn. I know he is making sense but I can't separate head and heart. I don't want every time something goes wrong over the next 18+ years for it to be that it's all because I pushed to keep this baby.

Sorry I don't have any actual advice but sending support and a hug x

Original poster
Emflou · 13/12/2023 13:35

Sorry you’re in the same situation, it’s so hard. Makes it even harder knowing how lucky we are to have children, knowing that some of my friends have been trying for years. My fear of the baby potentially being unwell or having some kind of condition or something is pushing me slightly more towards termination than not. Mainly because of the impact on my 3 children.

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Original poster
Emflou · 13/12/2023 13:36

Have just booked in for a first consultation tonight for an abortion and hoping it all feels right but I’m terrified of regretting it until I’m an old lady and always wondering about that child that nearly existed

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BlueGirl1982 · 13/12/2023 13:37

Yes, it really sucks. I have the same concerns...I'm 41, so the risks are higher for both me and baby. I've always wanted a third though, even though husband had said no chance (but did nothing to prevent it happening) so I worry that I may never get over a termination.

BlueGirl1982 · 13/12/2023 13:39

I'm booked in with BPAS on Friday morning, but I think this is more because it's what my husband wants rather than me...he's said it's my call but it's hard to choose to do something that impacts everyone knowing they wouldn't choose it. Feel like it couldn't be a worse time of year either!

AngelaBB · 13/12/2023 13:44

Several years ago I found myself in the same position, my kids were 7,6 and 3, the three year old was a real handful, and I felt devastated. But things worked out, we had a little girl and she was great, she still is. Once you get used to the idea, you will be fine. Get as organised as you can before the birth, book vasectomy/sterilisation and enjoy your last baby.

Original poster
Emflou · 13/12/2023 14:02

My thoughts exactly, so hard to choose to go ahead when I know my husband would choose not to!

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FcukTheDay · 13/12/2023 14:03

I had the first consultation at the clinic and decided upon termination. On termination day, I had to have one last scan and at that point, half way through the scan, I said to the lovely lady who was performing the scan, I don't want to do this, can I go now?!

My DH really didn't want the 4th baby at the time but I just knew I couldn't do it. She is 9 now and they're the best of friends. I have four extremely close together, 9,10,11 and 12. They are all fantastic and it's so much easier now :)

And no, the TV wasn't broken ;)

BlueGirl1982 · 28/12/2023 06:34

@Emflou Did you have your consultation? x

Original poster
Emflou · 28/12/2023 06:46

Yes I did, I went ahead with it all. I’m 90% I’ve done the right thing but know I’m going to be wondering for a while what could have been. My husband has no doubts though, he says he really couldn’t have gone through it all again especially as I would be high risk this time. What about you?

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BlueGirl1982 · 28/12/2023 06:49

I had my scan and they gave me the pills but I still don't know what to do. I didn't take them straight away as it was 21st December and I didn't want to risk ruining Christmas but know that it's decision time now. I was really hoping my husband would have started to come around to the idea but he's just so focused on all of the negatives and practicalities...it's not that he's wrong, he's probably not, but in spite of all that, a termination still just feels wrong to me.

Original poster
Emflou · 28/12/2023 06:52

@BlueGirl1982

OP posts:
Original poster
Emflou · 28/12/2023 06:54

Good that you haven’t rushed into it. I wish in a way I had taken more time to think and talk about it but also was really nervous about it all and just wanted it done.

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Original poster
Emflou · 28/12/2023 06:55

I think my problem, like yours were that it’s very hard to choose to keep it if a husband is completely sure that an abortion is the right decision. I felt everything would then fall on me… if something was wrong with the baby, if there were complications in the pregnancy, when all the children were fighting in years to come

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Original poster
Emflou · 28/12/2023 06:57

Try not to rush into it if you can. Sorry I can’t give more advice but sending lots of hugs and understanding that’s it’s a really difficult decision x

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BlueGirl1982 · 28/12/2023 07:03

@Emflou Thank you 💙 I hope you are ok.

If you don't mind, can I ask how the actual process was? I'm a little scared what it will be like and if I will be completely out of action in terms of parenting my other two children for any length of time.

MysticalMegx · 28/12/2023 07:13

@Emflou I went through this a few years ago it really wasn't the right time but I do regret it.
I took the 2nd pill when the kids were in bed, it was like a very heavy period, the pain made me sick but by morning I was fine, all symptoms were gone and apart from bleeding I was able to carry on as normal. Good luck

Original poster
Emflou · 28/12/2023 07:50

@BlueGirl1982 my pain was very minimal, much less than I expected, just a very slight pain. The bleeding was more than I imagined and I wouldn’t have wanted to leave the house for the first 12 hours but I carried on parenting as normal, didn’t really have a choice and would have been able to anyway. I found it all very simple and easy, all felt a little too easy tbh.

OP posts:
MysticalMegx · 28/12/2023 09:44

Emflou · 28/12/2023 07:50

@BlueGirl1982 my pain was very minimal, much less than I expected, just a very slight pain. The bleeding was more than I imagined and I wouldn’t have wanted to leave the house for the first 12 hours but I carried on parenting as normal, didn’t really have a choice and would have been able to anyway. I found it all very simple and easy, all felt a little too easy tbh.

Oops my comment tagged the wrong person sorry @Emflou

madeleine85 · 28/12/2023 15:04

Big hugs to you OP x

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