Did pregnancy make you reconsider how many kids you want?

[ActDottie]

I’ve always wanted three children, I think because I’m one of two and always wanted another sibling.

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with our first and omg I don’t know if I’d do this again let alone twice more!

I’ve been sick with morning sickness from week 7 until 28 weeks. So Ive barely worked (fortunately my employer has been flexible about it). I also stopped going to the gym which was my really escape because I just couldn’t guarantee I wasn’t going to be sick! Or I just felt too sick to go.

I then had terrible acid reflux literally throwing up in the middle of the night all over the bed! Fortunately I’ve found a Gaviscon routine that works for me now but it took a few weeks.

Around 16 weeks I started getting cramps a bit like period cramps every so often but it was mild so I didn’t think much of it.

Then around 30 weeks that same cramp area has been soooo painful. I can’t get up off the sofa without help from my husband, (I was stuck on the sofa earlier today and had to do some weird manouvere to just get up and started crying because of the pain).

Walking is painful, I did pregnancy yoga yesterday and changing between positions was painful, lying in the same position too long is painful. It also took me so much longer than everyone else to move positions I just don’t feel very mobile at all.

I have an antenatal class at the weekend and the people leading the course said from the way I walking and moving etc. that it was not normal to have this much discomfort and suggested I book in with a pregnancy chiropractor they know. The other women there were so much more mobile than me despite being at similar stages.

It’s been suggested that I may have torn a ligament in my uterus and as baby has grown it’s got more and more painful.

Right now I’m thinking this is it, no more babies I can’t do it. I just wondered if other people have had similar pregnancies and whether you went on to have another child. I just don’t know mentally if I’d be able to do it again.

My second pregnancy was grim had every symptom in the book then a terrifying labour and emc but I'll have another if I'm lucky enough because 9 months of shit versus having another child to love and bring up is a no brainer to me

Yes, definitely. 20 weeks of constant nausea and sickness, then when that cleared (ish) the heartburn and SPD started. By 32 weeks I could only shuffle. I'm so relieved I'm not broody, because fuck ever doing that again.

Yes. My first (only) pregnancy was so bad we decided before DD was born that she would have to be an only child.

Pregnancy itself was fine for me (I know I’m lucky) but the PND after DC#1 and then a traumatic birth with DC#2 meant the idea of a 3rd was quickly thrown out!

Sadly yes - HG with first for the whole pregnancy and SPD. I didn’t glow and it was tough. The thought of going through it again with a toddler - nope!

I did go on to have another when she was 6 and sadly had the same symptoms. Though second time around I managed the sickness much better - accepted the medication earlier! But I do feel for 9 months my first was slightly neglected! Even though my husband stepped up and really supported us.

I still now (14 years since I was last pregnant) have triggers for nausea - certain shampoos, smells and foods I can’t be around as I instantly gag :(

im blessed with two healthy children. My eldest is now 20 and has memories of how poorly I was - I do tell her it might not been the same for her!

Indeed. I hated pregnancy with a passion. Cramps, morning sickness, SPD, piles, you name it. I felt just awful and the second time around just as bad but with a lively toddler to manage. As soon as I hit 32 I had tubal ligation.

I'm loving being pregnant. I'm so grateful for my pregnancy .This is my first baby after 18 years trying to be honest no matter how bad things could get, I think I'd still appreciate every moment of it.
Im 38 now and we needed ivf to get pregnant and realistically this will probably be my only baby ( fingers crossed all goes well) but I'd honestly go through pregnancy a million times. We saw the heartbeat and it was the most amazing feeling I've ever experienced and I've longed for so much. I have friends who hated pregnancy but I honestly absolutely love having a life inside me

Yes, although that could just be because I’m 37 weeks and fed up.

Always assumed we’d have two, but I’ve got gestational diabetes and highly likely to have it again and it’s been a right pain.

Other that that I’ve had a really easy pregnancy - the hardest part has just been how much it occupies all your thoughts, all the time.

The thought of ‘starting over’ to do another 9 months does not seem appealing. Maybe I’ll change my mind once pregnancy is a distant memory…

I’ve never planned or thought about how many to have. I think it’s pointless as you have no control, and no idea what it’s like. TTC number 1 after a MC, and not sure I can even face this again even if we are lucky to have 1.

Yes. First pregnancy was okish, second was awful, never doing it again.

It’s not the only deciding factor but it is a significant consideration. I think if I desperately wanted another, I would forget about how I felt when I was pregnant and postpartum and probably just go for it, knowing there would be 12-18m where I would feel like shit. There are other factors at play (finances, lack of family nearby, whether I think I can manage more) that are the main drivers at likely stopping at one but pregnancy and postpartum is the final straw just cementing that its probably not for us.

I had a really rough pregnancy with my DD, hyperemesis, signed off work, couldn't keep anything, even water, down. I couldn't control the vomiting at all. It was also hard on me mentally as I wasn't expecting it and kept waiting for it to get better. It felt never-ending! Eventually, strong drugs controlled it a bit more, and I was able to drive my car or leave the house and even returned to work. I still vomited every single day and carried a sick bowl in my bag. I also burped, wretched, and hiccuped constantly, which was embarrassing, but I couldn't control it.

By the third trimester, everything hurt, and I was so uncomfortable that I really struggled to sleep. I also developed gallstones in pregnancy, had these awful painful episodes whilst pregnant, and then they continued once the baby was born. I ended up with pancreastitis and emergency surgery when DD was 3 weeks old.

I found the first 3 months incredibly hard. DD wasn't an easy newborn, it was so intense. Feeding was hard, lack of sleep was hard, even trying to have a shower was hard, plus I was recovering from a c section birth and another emergency operation. I told everyone, never again!

But despite all that you do actually forget. My DD is the best thing that has ever happened to us and I'm now in the early stages of pregnancy for number 2. This time, I'm more aware that I might have HG again. I've already told my mum as she may well need to move in and look after DD whilst my husband is at work as if I am as unwell as I was last time then I won't be fit. I have no doubt it's going to be a really difficult time if it does return. But I believe it is worth it in the long run.

It is funny, though, as I was so adamant that I wasn't doing it again. Must be something within us that makes us reconsider!

Yes. I wanted 3. After my first, I never wanted to go through pregnancy again. Accidentally fell with my second, and truly know I never ever want to go through it again. DH is getting the snip. I find it physically and mentally so hard that I actually did think it's fair to my existing kids to put them through it either.

Thanks everyone really good to read some real experiences of pregnancy being hard. I always thought it would be all magical and exciting that I was growing a human inside me but it’s honestly been awful. It’s really not talked about enough :(

Ill hold out hope that when baby girl is here I may see my pregnancy differently and feel up to it again but atm I’m not putting any pressure on myself to have more.

I think that’s been a big thing for me too in that was wasn’t expecting pregnancy to be hard etc. so hoping if baby 2 does happen I feel a bit more prepared mentally.

I haven't forgotten 😂I do think like a previous poster I would have been more inclined to do it again now my son's five, rather than a toddler. But I'm too old now!

I also still have residual tendency to nausea - a lot of the things that made me gag when I was pregnant still bother me and make me feel a bit nauseous. Especially cigarettes and damp. Blerg.

A little bit of yes, but mostly no.

Apparently I have fairly unremarkable pregnancies up until 34-36 weeks, get pre-eclampsia, get hospitalised, then induced. That bit sucks, and I hoped it wasn't going to happen again with DC2, but the die roll said otherwise (had a 1 in 6 chance according to the consultant), but it did. The pregnancy with DC2 was significantly harder than with DC1, but still wasn't overall bad.

I would like to do it again despite it all. I would definitely have a bigger gap though. Two and a half years was the absolute minimum I wanted, and I wasn't wrong. And that was with DC1 being an incredibly easy child. DC2 is a whole different ball game and I'd want 3+ years at a minimum. Especially as while it would be (ideally) a VBAC, I'm realistic and know I'd likely end up with a repeat C-Section. And I do not fancy that recovery + a toddler.

Another spanner to having a third (moreso than the pregnancy) was the crippling PND I had with DC2. I also don't want to be having a baby past the age of 40, and my husband says no, so that's probably that.