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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Due near SIL's wedding

36 replies

tmt93 · 12/12/2023 11:39

Hi all,

Have recently found out I'm expecting and DD is looking like a week before SIL's wedding. I already know I'm going to push for planned c-section (I have my reasons, please no judgement) so hoping DC will be 2-3 weeks old. Am I being ambitious by wanting to be there? I don't want to upset anyone and I know she'd make a big thing if I can't make it. Anyone else been to a wedding that soon and made it work?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Fifi2019 · 12/12/2023 12:53

I would suggest to plan like you’re going, and then decide nearer the time.

My husband was best man and I was bridesmaid at a wedding 2 weeks after our daughter was born. I had a c section too and whilst I thought a few days before the event, no way I can go there, we ended up going, staying the night and having a brilliant time.

maybe just see what you feel like once baby is here?

everyone will understand!

bakewellbride · 12/12/2023 13:07

I personally couldn't do it.

We had to decline a wedding 2 hours away when ds was 4 weeks old and I'd had a textbook vaginal birth.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 12/12/2023 13:22

I know she'd make a big thing if I can't make it.

Well she's very self involved then, and while I'd go if I could, I wouldn't let her reaction to it away my decision if I didn't feel up to it.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 12/12/2023 13:24

but honestly I think she'll think I'm trying to steal her thunder.

Anyone who thinks someone simply having a baby is "trying to steal thunder" is very irrational. And since she's so irrational I imagine she'd also be annoyed if you took a newborn and people fussed over it and it took attention from her.

Katy123456 · 12/12/2023 13:25

Seems ok to plan to go with the caveat that you may need to pull out last minute.

TTCbaby2023 · 12/12/2023 13:42

@PurpleChrayne I couldn't agree more!

SparkyBlue · 12/12/2023 14:09

Your plan sounds perfect. Send DH and have a few days with your mum and the baby at home. Don't put yourself under pressure. You might sail through and feel amazing and be dying to show off your DC or you really might want just hibernate at home

GreatGateauxsby · 12/12/2023 15:21

Two weeks after my c section I could have gone.
In that physically I could have done it as my recovery was very straightforward
However I felt like jabba the hut and there is no way I would have wanted to especially as I wouldn't have wanted to expose my baby to that many strangers who'd be wanting a hold / hug / kiss at 2 weeks

My advice if you want to go is:

  • Get a dress / outfit you have road tested in pregnancy that is ULTRA comfortable.
  • Have a preplanned easy make up and hair routine
  • know that there may be medical complications and advise your SIL you may not be able to attend and ensure you have someone (your mum etc) who is booked and can spend that day with you if you have post op complications.
Personally I'd do something nice with them a few weeks before or after and send your DH on his own
Marshmallowtoastie · 13/12/2023 05:48

I wouldn’t be going out of my way for anyone so rude personally, so I wouldn’t even try to make it work. She’s clearly likely to prioritise herself over you and your baby, so you should prioritise you and your baby over her

Redpanda21 · 13/12/2023 16:52

I went to a wedding an hour away when DD1 was 3 weeks old.

It was a non child wedding, even the grooms sister couldn’t take her newborn who was a similar age.

I missed the wedding but went to the reception. Baby stayed with a friend 20 mins away. The whole thing was a mistake, my hormones were wild, still bleeding and had already developed post natal depression. I felt revolting. The sister looked as happy as I felt.

I was forced into it by my ex husband, he was angry I’d missed the ceremony and told how brilliant it was and that they travelled by vintage bus. He got pissed, I drove. He wasn’t bothered about the baby. We stayed overnight with baby in a £29 Travelodge 45 mins away, I was tired and emotional and it affected me for years afterwards.

Mine was a vaginal delivery as well, few stitches.

Never again. 100% no way.

My auntie and uncle had planned to come down a week after my due date with my last one, for us to go out for a meal and celebrate and for lots of us to come. I had to say I’ll see how I feel when the time comes, I might have just given birth. Baby was 3 weeks old and we went out as felt okay. Only thing which triggered me was baby was crying and my mum thought it acceptable to rock baby to sleep, despite me saying baby needed feeding.

Stand your ground

Mummyme87 · 13/12/2023 17:12

Just say no, send your DH and bring your mum to you. Don’t tell her you’ll go when you plan to pull out last minute because that’s shitty. You’re not going to be able to go within a week or 2 of a CS. ELCS (Particularly maternal request) will be done from 39weeks, could be closer to due date. Establishing breastfeeding, learning to deal with a newborn, pain management, not to mention utter exhaustion…

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