Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

Trying for a baby and new job

16 replies

reabies · 12/12/2023 11:16

Not sure this is the right board but here goes.

I was given a soft heads up that I might be made redundant in the new year, so I started job hunting, and have been offered a new job starting in January. I know I'm lucky to have found something so quickly, and I'm relieved the threat of redundancy is no longer hanging there.

But, I wanted to start TTC in January, and now I feel like I can't. Like it would be irresponsible and selfish to start TTC when I've just started a new job. On the other hand, there's no guarantee it would happen quickly, and I was kind of forced into looking for a new job, otherwise I would have just stayed in my job and started trying.

Is it a massive no no to start TTC when you've just started a job? There isn't really any reason as to why I can't wait a few months, other than the fact I want a baby, and I'm only getting older, and it could take a while.

I don't know what the maternity policy is at this place, I'm hoping to find out when I have my induction, but I had only statutory at my old job so I'm not too fussed about hanging around til I'm eligible for enhanced. But I suppose it would be more considerate to my employer to at least get a few months under my belt before trying to fall pregnant, at least that way if it happens quickly I'd have still been there nearly a year by the time I'd go on mat leave.

What does anyone think? Anyone else been faced with this situation? I kind of want to say fuck it, jobs come and go but family planning is kind of on a tight timeline. On the other hand, I don't want to fuck my new employer around and make a bad impression on that front.

I'm going round in circles, what does anyone else think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Anon4586 · 12/12/2023 12:35

Hey.
I completely get it. I moved jobs in August after being TTC for a few months and a miscarriage.
I was so unhappy in my job I decided that I wasn’t going to put moving jobs on hold just in case I got pregnant.
As it happens, after deciding to have a few months break to let me settle into my job as you have mentioned, it happened immediately and I’m only 4 months in.
I am telling them in January, but everyone I have spoken to said it’s life, it’s business and it happens.
I felt and still do feel very guilty about it, but my plan was to wait a few months so I’d (possibly) be telling them a few months down the line anyway, at which time I would still feel guilty.
I don’t know if people have told me that just to make me feel better but from what I have heard and read (I posted on here about it when I was beside myself and got some really lovely replies) that once you put it all into perspective, your family and happiness is much more important and I must admit, I think and worry about work a LOT less now.

closingdownsale · 12/12/2023 12:40

You'll probably be working there for almost a year before you go on maternity. I think it's very reasonable to ttc

48wheaties · 12/12/2023 12:40

I think you should take the new job and TTC. I did this and it took a year for me to get pregnant after I started the new job, so it wasn't instant. You cant control everything and it is the "risk" that any employer takes. However, just remember if you get pregnant quickly it will impact on how much maternity leave/pay you can get. Don't stress about it at all though.

Sconehenge · 12/12/2023 12:42

I think it depends how old you are and what your work history is. I started new job and waited 1 year before trying because I really wanted to clock up 2 years before going on mat leave if it happened straight away. Reader, it did not happen straight away and we are still TTC lol.

BUT it totally depends on your role and work history. If you’re in a career type role and you really want to make a mark on this new organisation and work your way up, or you really need to have a longer term stint somewhere as your CV so far has been a lot of moves, or you’re under 30, then maybe your decision is weighted a bit more in the direction of wait.

If your work history is a few long term positions, such that one short term role won’t really be too much of a blip, or you’re not that fussed about getting entrenched in a role before taking the time off, or you’re over 35, then just crack on with TCC ASAP I would say.

Arosebyanyname · 12/12/2023 12:45

There's so many unknowns. How long it will take you to get pregnant, how much you will like the job, what the maternity policy is and whether the policy would affect your decision. If you are starting in January I'd wait until you've got the contract to ensure there isn't the most amazing maternity policy ever, and then get on with TTC!

moosey89 · 12/12/2023 13:44

Financially in the UK you have to be in a job a minimum period before you're eligible for statutory maternity (think it works out as being there about 3-4 months before conceiving) so if you didn't mind waiting a few months to make sure you get some form of maternity pay that could be an idea. Outside of that, family always comes first and you shouldn't worry about what the company thinks, life happens! It might take 1 month, it might take years to conceive, so aside from any financial implications you might need to consider I'd TTC as soon as you are ready 😊

Whataretheodds · 12/12/2023 13:52

How old are you?

Yes you should research your entitlement to SMP before you start TTC.

Original poster

reabies · 12/12/2023 15:14

Thanks everyone!

I am mid 30s, with a toddler already. Ideally I wanted the second to arrive before this one turns 3 so was hoping to conceive in the first half of 2024.

I'm not super fussed about the pay aspect of it, I think if you're not eligible for SMP there is maternity allowance instead. I just used the govt's pay calculator and it looks like anything conceived after March (with me starting in Jan) would make me eligible for SMP.

First baby happened second month of TTC but I know that doesn't mean anything, and it could take a while.

I think I'm leaning towards maybe waiting til March to try so I get a couple of months of work locked in, then even if it happens asap I'd have been there nearly a year by the time the baby arrived. Also my probation is 6 months, so actually maybe waiting until I'm a good way through that would be sensible.

Hate that I'm even thinking about this, literally none of my job's business when I have a baby, but I can't help feeling selfish and irresponsible at the thought of falling pregnant when I've been in a job only a matter of months.

OP posts:

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 12/12/2023 16:40

I was in a similar situation. Started a new job in August 2022. Waited until January 2023 to TTC as read in policy I needed to be no more than 15 weeks pregnant by 26th week of employment.

As it was I got pregnant in March and by the time I went on mat leave I had been there 16 months. I'm glad I waited as my employer has just increased mat leave from 16 weeks full pay to 26 so it's all worked out well. I am mid 30s and also have a 3 year old.

If you start in Jan and there is no enhanced maternity you can just carry on but I think it would be worth waiting to check as it's only a few weeks x

witmum · 12/12/2023 18:15

My employer you only have to work 6 months before falling pregnant before getting a really good maternity package. Check that you are not missing out off 6 months full pay or something by not holding off a couple of months.

YetiSeven · 12/12/2023 18:32

I'm pretty much in the same boat! I actually started a AIBU thread and got some lovely replies, mainly around you work to live/ could take a while / it's the companys problem not yours etc. and they do still have you for a few months before you go as well. So go for it! I know I will be now 😁

ThomasinaLivesHere · 12/12/2023 18:36

I’d definitely wait until you find out maternity policy. At my work you only have to work a few months before becoming eligible for it. I think waiting a few months isn’t unreasonable and unlikely to affect you much. And it might be good to get past the probation before showing.

PTdream · 12/12/2023 18:39

I was in a similar situation. I wanted to get pregnant with my second in 2023. I got a position that I was looking for ages in early 2023, and started in April 2023. I got pregnant in August, with baby being due in May 2024, one year after I have started. Tbh, that is life. generally women have babies twice, in average. But we work for over 30 years. So businesses need to take it. One thing that I am however going to do is to take a short maternity leave, should only be off work for 5 months if all goes well. I have a fantastic job and boss and want to respect him in a sense that my personal decision impacts him the minimum possible.

tinyballoons · 12/12/2023 19:12

You will likely be eligible for SMP unless you fall pregnant immediately - this happened to me last year! Started my new job I think it was 20th June and I must've got pregnant only 2 weeks later. It was cutting it very fine to qualify for SMP but I did.

CashewDragon · 15/12/2023 09:45

I started a new job a week after a positive test result, and I spent the first 12 weeks wracked with guilt that I’d be going on mat leave 8 months after starting.
I told my manager after my scan and they’ve been nothing but wonderful throughout.
Life happens, you can’t plan everything, and your personal life should be a priority.
Do what’s best for you, and any decent manager will support you regardless.

Elphamouche · 15/12/2023 20:43

Just be sure you’re happy with the SMP situation.

We said in Jan 2023 we’d start trying in March 2023, the 1st feb 2023 we found out we were pregnant. We lost that baby to a MMC in April.

We tried once in July 2023 and caught strait away. I’m now 6m, and we’re so excited but we thought it would take longer. Both times it took once.

DH has also just lost his job, so he won’t qualify for SPP now. My point here is don’t plan, it doesn’t always work out.

Flip