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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

introducing baby #2 to a 2 year old

16 replies

glasspaw · 11/12/2023 08:17

I’m expecting my second and as labour draws closer I’m finding myself really thinking a lot about the best way to introduce him to my son. He’ll be just past 2 when baby arrives and he’s a very cuddly mummy’s boy. I’m so worried about it being upsetting for him and I want to do everything I can to make the transition easier.

how did those of you with 2 go about introducing your first to your second? And how did they take it?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SlothOfDespair · 11/12/2023 08:33

Ds2 brought a lightsaber with him for DS1. That got things off to a good start.

bogoblin · 11/12/2023 08:40

My son was bang on 2 when we brought his brother home. He got a present "from his new brother" and we made sure that when we introduced him, baby was in a neutral setting - so he was lying in his carrycot rather than being held. That way I could be cuddling my oldest while introducing them. I read somewhere that that helps but not sure where! It went alright, to be honest he wasn't hugely interested in him!

parietal · 11/12/2023 08:40

Talk about the new baby and get library books about the new baby arriving. Don't say 'new brother/sister you can play with' because it will be a long time before baby will be big enough to play.

Say 'new baby will cry and make lots of work for mummy. Can you help with the work?' Bring a muslin/ dummy etc is helping and puts the 2 year old in a big role.

Expect 2 year old to be grumpy and confused and just power through without punishments.

And make sure DH and any visiting relatives make a big fuss of the 2 year old and praise how helpful he is.

NoCloudsAllowed · 11/12/2023 08:54

Get books and a doll that you can mime out changing a nappy on, rocking etc. Watch TV programmes that show babies.

For the introduction, have absolutely no expectations of how older DC should behave. Forget the cute insta videos of delighted siblings.

At that point, your eldest will have been away from you for at least half a day, potentially several days and their main focus will be wanting to be reunited with you. Not caring about the baby. If older DC rushes in excited to see you then sees your arms full with baby or told to slow down not to scare baby etc, that's not the best intro as it communicates that they're now second fiddle.

We had dc2 in carry case in corner, gave dc1 a big cuddle and made a fuss of her, then showed her dc2 without making her hold him etc. We gave her a present from him. We asked what she'd been doing in the time we were at the hospital. Dc1 suddenly looked like a huge lumberjack compared to dc2!

In my experience, some toddlers love babies and some aren't interested. Ours wasn't interested and it made life easier in many ways!

One thing you need to do is remember dc1 is tiny and doesn't know baby etiquette, it's easy to expect them to care about not waking the baby, or to care that you're tired or have birth injuries that mean it's hard to play etc - toddler social skills are still at sociopath level, they won't care but that's just what's natural for them.

DappledThings · 11/12/2023 08:56

DS was napping when I got home with DC2. I wanted to be the one to go and get him and bring him downstairs but when he woke DD was feeding. So he came down to that. He took one look at her and touched her really gently. Had cuddles with her later and was really protective right away.

Didn't do any presents from her or any big deal. He was a bit under 2.

NoCloudsAllowed · 11/12/2023 08:58

Depending what your child is like, you might also want cosy activities you can do with baby on your lap. We did tons (actual tons) of sticker books because dd wanted to be near me and I could talk her through and do the odd sticker while sorting the baby. Not all toddlers would sit still that long though!

fourelementary · 11/12/2023 08:58

I ignored the crao about not holding the new baby etc. the new baby was OUR baby- I’d referred to her all the way through pregnancy and expected DS to love her as she was our new baby. I was holding her in the hospital bed and he clambered up too to cuddle us both and have a hold… he’s always been lovely with her. People expecting a jealousy shift and trying to not make the toddler think they love the baby more etc is so sad. I spoke about how when he was a baby this is what we did and that’s what babies need- lots of cuddles and love and that’s all fine. They just don’t get to do exciting big boy stuff yet like playing with toys and getting treats. No sibling rivalry between any of my four- and all babies very much coddled and carried and pandered too. As they should be and ALL were.

allitdoesisrain · 11/12/2023 09:01

My two year old was so excited about the new baby, it wasn't an issue at all.

PuttingDownRoots · 11/12/2023 09:05

Not something I'd recommend really, but it was effective! Dd1 caught a virus at nursery just as DD2 was born. Consequently she needed lots of TLC from me in the first few days as well as DD2 needing me... so I think it cemented the idea that I was still there for her.

She was fascinated by her "baby" from Day 1. Dd2 was the first person to have her own "name" from DD1... all women were Mamma...but only DD2 was Baby.

Flittingaboutagain · 11/12/2023 09:06

To be honest despite my best efforts we're now several months down the line and it's just hit my two toddler that the baby isn't going away and we're seeing big feelings! The introduction isn't as important as finding ongoing ways to make your toddler feel special included and just as important. Things like special mummy and him time (when baby's sleeping), toys and books to bring out when you're feeding the baby, narrating to the baby what amazing things the toddler is doing, taking toddler's lead in how much they want to be helping with the baby such as fetching wipes etc. Once baby is mobile it all changes again too!

Best of luck.

OldTinHat · 11/12/2023 09:12

My DC was 18 months when introduced to his sibling. Baby was in the moses basket, DC toddled up, shouted 'baby!' in excitement and threw gave said baby a board book. Baby had a black eye when the midwife came later that day...!

15PiecesOfFlair · 11/12/2023 09:18

DH brought DC1 to see me and the baby in hospital. Video them meeting for the first time, he's bound to say something cute or funny! He may be more interested than you think, especially if he gets the idea he's the big one who knows things the baby doesn't yet.

Squidwardthesnail · 11/12/2023 09:45

We were so limited for childcare. So when DP picked me and DS2 up from hospital, DS1 was in the car too. So they met in the back of the car in their carseats and just sort of stared at eachother for the half hour drive. DS1 was a few days off turning 2 which I think helped massively as when everyone came to meet baby they were also making a huge fuss over DS1s birthday bringing presents. By the time all the celebration and visitors were over he'd been made a fuss of and was used to DS2. There's no right or wrong way to introduce them, just whatever works for your family. Good luck!

Originalusername89 · 12/12/2023 04:54

I think preparation is much more important than than the actual introduction. If they know what to expect it won't matter.

We spent a loooong time in the run up talking about baby sister being here and how she might cry a lot, and mummy will have to hold her a lot and she'll drink milk from mummies boobies etc etc

So the intro was that they came to collect me in the ward and she climbed up onto my bed and absolutely adored her new sister. She had chosen a special book to bring to read to her as well.

Mumdiva99 · 12/12/2023 05:00

We did prep. Referred to baby by name. Talked about her. I kept to usual routines- I was lucky baby 2 was an easy labour so I just got straight back to normal life.

My daughter was more impacted by younger brother arriving. Maybe because first introduction went so well I didn't put as much effort into getting her ready for baby 3. She bonded so strongly with big brother at this point. He became her safety blanket. Which was fine till he went to school.

glasspaw · 12/12/2023 19:33

Thanks all for sharing your stories. Some really great ideas here on what we can do to try and prepare our little one for the new arrival.

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