Pregnant and terrified

[HighlyStrung1987]

First time posting and I'm not in a good way so please be kind.
I found out a week ago that I'm pregnant, I'm almost six weeks now and though this pregnancy was planned, and I was worried it may never happen due to a health condition I have, I'm absolutely terrified. When we first got the positive result I was thrilled, my partner too. However since he's gone back to work for two weeks five days ago (he works away) I've become incredibly anxious and can't calm down. It's like the whole thing is real now and I'm on a ride that I can't get off of. I'm scared I'll be a rubbish mum, scared I won't be able to cope with a baby, scared I won't bond, scared of labour....on and on. I have a history of anxiety and depression and my partner is away a lot so I'll be doing a lot of the pregnancy and child rearing by myself. I'm worried I've made a really selfish decision. What if my child inherits my mental health problems, or won't ever sleep? I'm just worrying about literally everything it's possible to worry about and I'm by myself at home until the 19th of December. I feel so guilty for having these thoughts and if anyone is wondering, yes of course these are all things I've considered in the past, but they all felt like things that I could handle until few days ago. If I tell my midwife all of this what help am I likely to be offered? Am I going to get put on some sort of at risk register, or will someone actually help me to feel better? I can't imagine feeling this way for nine months.

Hey 👋 first of all, totally normal! I am on pregnancy number 5 and currently 37 weeks pregnant and still used get lil panics that im gonna have a baby soon and ive done it all, induced, forcep, natural, c-sec, single and twins, my first i was a single mum at 18, so don’t feel bad for having anxiety about it all, i still do and i been through it all before, hormones are a big part of it, especially at the beginning, this one wasn’t planned, i have an 8 year age gap and at the beginning i was up and down as to whether it was a good idea to have a baby, the impact it would have on my relationship/other children etc but those anxieties have calmed now, you have a whole 9 months to prepare and reduce the anxiety, and as you progress you will get a better bond with your baby moving and scans and having a baby doesn’t seem such a daunting thing once you start that bond, by the end all anxiety is gone, now I can’t wait for her to be here x

There's nothing to feel guilty about, heightened anxiety is really common in pregnancy, it's the hormones.

It's definitely better to reach out now rather than suffer and let it get worse. Perinatal mental health is taken seriously and you'll be referred to the perinatal mental health team for support and practical help (therapy, possible medication), you won't be put on a risk list anywhere, they'll just help you.

What you're going through is a lot more common than you realise, there are entire dedicated teams solely for the purpose of supporting expecting mothers through anxiety and depression during and after pregnancy.

They ask you a bunch of questions relating to mental health at your booking appointment and then take appropriate action if necessary (referrals), but if you can't wait until then, get in touch with your GP (if that's where the midwife is based) and ask for an appointment with the midwife for mental health.

Oh no speak to your midwife! Don’t worry it’s totally normal
it would be more strange to not be apprehensive about a big life changing thing surely?! It’s absolutely fine to feel that way and then the hormones on top will be adding to it! I think being aware that these are just thoughts, just worrying you’ll be a bad mum or your baby won’t sleep doesn’t mean that’s actually what’s going to happen. Hope you can get some support in real life. Do you have anyone around who can support you or can you talk to dp?

As people have said, when you have your first appointment with the midwife tell them how you're feeling (they'll ask about your mental health) and be honest. They'll have a specialist mental health midwife that you will be able to see, and there are pregnancy safe medication they can give you if you want/need that. Your worrying ultimately comes down to wanting to be a good mum, and wanting best for baby, no one is going to judge you for that!

I had a bit of a 'wtf have I done' first trimester, and have been recieving some therapy support, but at 31w I don't need the support any more and I have now finished with that. Honestly things improved quite a lot after the 12w scan - I think that plus the levelling out of the hormones at that point really helped.

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded, it's so reassuring to hear that this isn't a completely out of the ordinary way to be feeling under the circumstances. I think part of the problem is that I'm such an overly anxious and cautious person and I always need to plan everything and know exactly what to expect from any given situation. Obviously that's sort of impossible with something like this and without my partner here to get excited with I'm just allowing my mind to drift to all the negative possibilities. I've had a lot of therapy in the past and I've been taking sertraline for depression and anxiety for a few years. My partner is absolutely wonderful, really loving and supportive, but he's away a lot working and it feels like I'm doing this by myself sometimes. I have a phone call scheduled with my gp for Tuesday to discuss the results of some blood tests (I have an autoimmune condition that needs to be closely monitored as it could affect the baby if not properly managed) so I might mention to her that I'm having bad anxiety. Oh and if that's not enough I'm starting a new job tomorrow!

OP best of luck with the new job. I think high anxiety especially at the start of pregnancy is not unusual, it’s a strange time and can feel quite out of control. Deffo worth mentioning to your GP as many places prioritize pregnant women for MH support (as it’s a known time for increased anxiety and other MH).
Hope today goes well in the new role x