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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Trying for child number 2 at 40?

5 replies

Newmumwales · 03/12/2023 14:04

Ahhhhh ladies!
I was on this group when I had my DD1 and she has now just turned 5. I can’t get rid of the feeling of having another baby. I just turned 40 in September. I’m currently qualified hairdresser recently and the plan is to do my level 3. I work part time in a salon. I feel my regret of not doing it will be bigger than my regret of DOING it. I’m worried as I had an emergency c section first time around which is fine but already thinking of the school run post c section if that’s what I choose to do second time around. I caught straight away getting pregnant with DD1 in November 2018 but realise I’m older now and bigger risk.

Thanks for listening and just needing a chat as my age is really bugging me and also as I’m in a career I’ve just worked hard for to get.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
deliwoman1 · 03/12/2023 15:52

Hi OP! It's a tough decision to make. ❤

For me, I knew I wanted two children, so provided all was well, it was on the cards for us from the jump. I had DD 17 months ago at 39, and I'm due to turn 41 in Feb. Time wasn't on my side so we started trying as soon as DD turned one. I had a c-section and was advised to wait until then.

I'm sure you already know the risks/statistics at our age, so if I had to give you any advice it would be to make your decision relatively quickly. And, if you DO decide you want another child, to start trying as soon as you can.

I'm very newly pregnant now and though I'm praying this baby sticks, it's honestly not a great time for me professionally speaking. I'm in the thick of a PhD, and we could really use a lot more stability financially. But a second child was a priority for us, and I knew I didn't have oodles of time to get ducks in a row. It took us a little over a year with multiple losses to have DD, so I also felt I had to plan for an equally, if not rougher road this time.

It might help to have some basic fertility tests done so you have an idea where you stand? Also, to think about a plan for how you'd resume your career in the event you did have a second child. I don't think life has to come to a standstill, but I think it takes a lot of organisation, communication, and support to keep all the plates spinning.

Do you have a partner? If so, what do they think? Could you rely on them to fully pull their weight/do more than their share while you achieve your career goals post-baby? I'm fortunate in that respect. No way I could do any of what I've been doing re. work without my DP, who has done so much solo parenting through it all. I think that's a huge thing to consider, especially if you love your work, which it sounds like you do!

Good luck with your decision, OP!

annlee3817 · 03/12/2023 22:37

When I turned 40 we had a 6 year old and my husband was getting wobbles and wanted a second, I agreed to try and see how we got on, I fell straight away with DD1 so was very lucky and the same happened this time round. She's now 15 months old, I'm 42, feeling my age a lot more this time around. Can't advise on the c section as haven't had one, but is there anyone that could help with the school runs for a few weeks?

doliner · 04/12/2023 00:24

I got pg at 41 and had to terminate due to genetic issues (risk higher with age but I did read plenty of stories from mums who had the same who were 15 years younger). Got pg again and had DC2 at age 42. No miscarriages. Needed a c section for medical reasons and recovered quickly and easily from that, and breastfeeding was fine.

DC1 was in nursery a mile walk away and I wouldn't have managed the nursery run. I was lucky that DH had over 5 months paternity so he was able to do it while I recovered (and also took over parent and toddler swimming and taking her out to music class)

I'm a sahm so I have no worries about a career track. I do find life busy with 2 dc and I wouldn't want to be juggling a job on top. I knew my DH was very supportive and pulled his weight with DC1, never works late or works away and is always around at weekends. Honestly I wouldn't have had DC2 if I had to do a lot of solo parenting - we often deal with one child each which makes it manageable.

LittleDoveLove · 04/12/2023 10:41

I got pregnant straight away when 35.

Started trying about 3 years ago for DC2.

Had 3 MCs. Ended up doing IVF. One failed round, second round more successful although another failed embryo transfer but currently 23 weeks pregnant with my FET (3rd embryo transfer).

No known fertility issues and actually had pretty good results for both me and my husband with the tests.

They think it was just my age. Less good quality eggs available. I assumed I wouldn't have an issue after getting pregnant so quick first time, I would agree with PP I would make your decision sooner rather than later. I'm 40 now x

Newmumwales · 09/12/2023 08:29

Thank you all. We have decided to start ❤️🥰

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