1-2 mum guilt .

[Josie124]

Can someone please help or reassure me as this is eating me up since about 10 weeks pregnant.. I am currently 28 weeks and feel like I cannot cope with the guilt over the disruption I will be causing my toddler. He will be just over two when new baby is due.

i feel so disconnected from my pregnancy and am wishing it away/don’t want baby to come/wish it was all a dream I could wake up from and wish I wasn’t pregnant as horrible as it sounds . I expressed how I was feeling early in pregnancy to my GP as it affected my mood/sleep/eating habits, and was prescribed Sertraline which I didn’t take as I was nervous about side effects.. is it too late to start them now in the third trimester???

Just need someone to tell me it will all be okay. 🥺

Hi Just wanted to say you are 100% not alone. I am feeling all those exact same feelings as you along with 24/7 sickness & so much guilt that my LG life will be changed etc I have also been hoping it goes away 🥺 Even though we planned it. My daughter will be 3 when baby comes. I am 6.5 weeks. So very early & I absolutely hate pregnancy this time. Whereas with my first I was already holding my stomach and smiling or talking away to it (nuts i know lol) I have been on 100mg sertraline since september 2020. Never affected my first pregnancy. If I was you I'd take them. Xxx

Sorry you're feeling this way OP, it's normal to feel some trepidation about how your toddler will handle things but they're more resilient than they appear and will adapt when the time comes!
You've still got a few weeks before you get really big and less mobile, can you spend some real quality time together making some lovely memories?
You can start taking sertraline at this point but it's wise to start at a small dose if you've never been on it before.

It will be ok! I felt exactly the same and was in tears when my labour started as I felt so guilty for my eldest. Needless to say I should not have worried and they both don't know any different now. You'll be fine and so will your little one 🥰

Think about the benefits to your ds of having a new sibling, that’s a lovely age gap and they’ll be able to share interests and play together.
When he was a baby DS2 adored DS1, he would get so excited when he came in the room and they spent ages just lying on the floor giggling together. DS1 would show him his toys and spend ages explaining who the characters were. His life isn’t going to be disrupted, it’s going to be enhanced.

My baby is 5 months old and I have a nearly 3 year old.

We experienced zero disruption. My son loved his brother from the day he was born. He is obsessed. I've never ever felt so incredibly lucky than I do right now. He's the only one that can make the baby absolutely squeal with laughter! The baby adores him and their relationship is so so special at just 5 months in.

No behavioural issues no jealousy just all the love.

I know we've been lucky but every chance this will be the case for you too. I really feel I've enriched his life by giving him his brother ❤️

I was so sad throughout my second pregnancy. DS1 was (is!) my world and I couldn't believe I'd decided to ruin everything by making a being that was going to take me away from him. I had a total disconnect from the pregnancy and found myself ignoring it a lot, trying to forget I was pregnant. I don't remember when it all changed but DS1 adored DS2 from the moment he met him and still does. His life is so much richer for having his little shadow. Now I'm wondering why I'm pregnant with #3 and about to ruin both their lives etc etc...

These feelings are normal and they will pass. You are the best judge of whether or not the sertraline is worth it. I was prescribed citalopram but decided not to take it and I think that was the right decision for me.

It's such a short time that they're little, before you know it they'll be playing together, running downstairs to see if Santa has been together, rough and tumbling. Inevitably both will have less one on one time than the first born but it won't do any harm at all, only you with your mum's eyes and heart can see the difference and feel the guilt. But it's not for long, and it'll pay dividends. I say this as a mum of one who will keep it that way due to IVF toll, I conversely feel terribly guilty that he'll be an only and won't have a sibling dynamic like I did and share all of he above with a brother or sister. it just never ends does it😅 the mum guilt. Try and enjoy this little one as my sister just had a baby girl very close in age to her boy and she goes between guilt for her son having less time then guilt her little girl gets less too than he did xx

You're giving your child one of life's biggest gifts, a sibling. At 2 he won't remember life without a sibling and seeing them play together will fill your heart up. There will be hard times too. But I personally find two easier than 1 as there's less pressure to be "perfect"

I felt exactly like this too. My sister said to me ... "You don't actually split the love you have, your heart just gets bigger."

She was so right.

Your toddler is going to have an awesome friend soon as well!

Think of women who used to churn out one baby after another! They weren’t made to feel guilty about it. Siblings are usually great for children, especially that age difference. When an only child is 10 then there is another it is much more of an ego shock for them!