Future caesarean help for wife?

[alliwantforchristmasis50k]

Hi all, my wife is 36 weeks and although she is fairly certain she wants a natural birth we know there is the chance she will have to have a caesarean, which we have started mentally preparing for.

I've had a quick search and there seems to be some people who recover really quickly and some who's recovery lasts a lot longer.

What practical advice you would give a husband who wants to look after his partner (and child!) after having a caesarean? (Work is quite flexible so will be able to do a lot of WFH).

Thanks!

You do everything. Literally everything. You do all the housework, the cooking, cleaning. You wake up when baby cries and hand it to her because she'll struggle to sit up and twist for the first few days. You do all the nappies. You let her shower when she needs to and give her time for her scar to air dry afterwards, as that helps with healing. Don't be shoving the baby at her because it's crying as soon as she steps out of the shower (sore point here).

It's important she keeps moving and doesn't sit all the time, but she will need help with almost everything at first. Gradually she'll be able to do more but slowly. Hopefully her recovery will be quick, but don't rush it. I was out of pyjamas after a week and could do a walk around town after three weeks. Some people are much quicker, some are slower.

Feed her ! Lots of nice food, glass of water when she’s breast feeding, and cups of tea.
If she’s breast feeding at meal times, cut the food up so she can still eat.
As pp said, if you can facilitate bath room time, keep the house tidy, and do the washing/dishwasher/cleaning she will be grateful.

for 6 weeks after the birth, she can't lift anything heavier than the baby. and for the first week, she may not even be strong enough to lift the baby. so you need to do all lifting - shift a chair, move a laundry basket, fill a kettle etc.

I've had two c sections and I found the first few days really difficult to just move in bed, rolling over, pulling myself up to get up were really hard so give her a hand to pull herself up. Definitely need help passing the baby to her for feeds etc. Obviously no hoovering, cleaning, heavy lifting etc. It is important for her to get up and move around but it will be slow especially those first few days. Definitely air drying the scar is helpful. As others have said your job is the cooking and drinks to make sure she has plenty of fluids.

Hi - really nice idea. My partner is normally really good but had it in his mind to ease my recovery I should be up and out of the house on long walks after a week and driving.

There is a balance - your partner won't be able to be out and about as much to start with but being mobile is good.

For the first 2 weeks I rested and didn't go out much at all, by week 3/4 I could do a short walk with the pram to the shop.

Week 5 back to driving and doing nursery runs with my eldest.

So I think my recovery was good but due to how slowly I took things in those first few weeks

Other small things - reaching down to put shoes on is painful.

Seatbelts are painful - I had a firm foam cushion (my pregnancy wedge pillow) that I kept in the car to sit between the seatbelt and my scar

Thanks so far everyone!

I am planning on being pretty hands on with the cleaning cooking etc, its just the really random tips from experience that are helpful e.g. pillow for seatbelt, thanks @lifehappens12

I think everyone is different. I had a planned section, and I found I was able to do things quicker than I'd heard others could. I am quite stubborn though and like to do things for myself 🙈
Things I did need help with though was showering - our shower is in with the bath so getting in and out (lifting my legs up and down) was unbelievably difficult.
I also personally needed help with the blood thinning injections needed after a c-section - I couldn't bare the thought of doing them myself so my husband did them for me!
I never found any difficulty in picking baby up and down, but I think this was because in hospital when my husband had to leave I had no choice other than to do it myself.
Your wife is her own individual though, and she may need more or less help than others on here. I'm sure she'll let you know 😊

Oh and do her injections for her.

Why?

I had a fairly easy ride with my EMCS, I walked to the NICU as soon as the catheter was out. I think it is much harder to recover when you have been through a long labour and then have to deal with major surgery on top.

My advice:

Take the painkillers religiously. It is is much easier to stay on top of the pain than try and get on top of it.

Moving helps recovery.

Peppermint capsules in case of trapped wind.

I never had any injections at home after two sections, so only some people need them?
Things like pushing the trolley in the supermarket and the pram especially up any kerbs etc - you don't realise that will tug on your wound until it does!

Our hospital gives everyone 10 days of blood thinning injections post section, and anyone remotely higher risk gets 6 weeks.

You need to do all the house stuff for as long as possible - that's not about the section, although she won't be able to at first. It's a new baby thing. So it's not a case of being hands on with the cooking - for the first few weeks you should be doing all the cooking, and also the washing up and the meal planning and shopping. Same with laundry.

I got DH to schedule my painkillers and make sure I took them at first - my brain was fried.

Nappies are yours when you're around, and don't forget to take your share of the overnight settling (and feeds if she's not bfing).

It's so personal I think. For example I would have hated my dh doing what this poster suggested:

You do everything. Literally everything. You do all the housework, the cooking, cleaning. You wake up when baby cries and hand it to her because she'll struggle to sit up and twist for the first few days. You do all the nappies.

I felt I'd failed somewhat and I couldn't stand being treated like an invalid.

Both mine were emergencies but I was in camp bounce back and could get up, could twist and could walk from day 1. Things I found useful from dh were doing my blood thinning injections as I had a mental block about them, dealing with family and scar massage once it had healed a bit as I couldn't bear to touch my first scar.

Quite a bit I planned before hand with his support. Meals in the freezer/fridge. Baskets for me with dc1 (water bottle, snacks, books) and for me and dc1 with dc2 (so craft stuff, a new toys, drinks, snacks and books). Where we would sit, where the baby would go in each room when I needed to put them down. I wanted to get into our "new normal" routine as fast as possible though.

Just a heads up that even if she has a vaginal birth then there will still be healing etc. I had stitches after mine and I found it very difficult to stand and sit for about a week after giving birth. My partner still had to hand me the baby in the night because going from lying flat to sitting and feeding was extremely painful. Keep stocked up on painkillers (paracetamol and ibuprofen) and they can be taken regularly to stay on top of pain.

Because the plastic syringes are badly made and a pain to do DIY. I also had the joys of them getting stuck which was a lot easier for someone else to get them out.

I hd one emcs and one elcs. Beyond the lifting thing for the first week or so, I don’t remember needing anything specific done for me. I was certainly up and about and back to normal life after a week or so - and I’ve got very poor general fitness ordinarily. However everyone is clearly different and you’ll just need to play it by ear.

Not CS here, standard vaginal birth but...
DH did all meals for first four weeks. That includes things like leaving a sandwich made up if you go out and she doesn't - the sort of thing she can easily grab with one hand.
All washing up.
All shopping. I found I wanted to be out in the fresh air walking around fairly soon but bending and lifting shopping under pushchair was painful and could be disastrous continence-wise.
Changed most nappies.
Passed baby over for feeds.
Held baby so I could have a break and get in shower etc.

He did all house cleaning whilst I was on maternity leave, but I'd have definitely struggled before six weeks as I was in a lot of pain and still bleeding.

Laundry as heaving it up and down the stairs and in and out of the machine takes a toll. He did all of it for first four weeks, then a lot of it from then on.

One of the best things we did was walk round shops and supermarkets in advance so I could point out where to buy more maternity pads, nipple cream, preferred brand of nappy. Saves a panic if he does need to dash to shops. We'd been told all women could breastfeed which turned out to be a lie so I regret not researching bottles, formula, sterilising and making up bottles in advance. Even if you don't buy anything, it's worth looking at what is available and how it works. That would have saved us a last minute crisis.

• Buy cook, m&S, Charlie Bingham type meals for you both and fill the freezer.
• buy in a big range of snacks have them in boxes in kitchen, living room, bedroom
• buy in some fruit juices
• a really good water bottle maybe 2?
• I got all the baby stuff in and ready pre baby (nappy caddy, clothes etc) washed unpacked and in drawers so everything was ready to go
• even if she feels good don't let her go out of the house on a walk for at least 10 days ideally 14. My midwife and mum were super strict at the time it was annoying now I am greatful as I healed PERFECTLY.
• get the house super clean and wash and put away all your clothes pre baby birth (so no back log)

-stock up on painkillers

“even if she feels good don't let her go out of the house on a walk for at least 10 days ideally 14. My midwife and mum were super strict at the time it was annoying now I am greatful as I healed PERFECTLY.”

Sorry but this is terrible advice. I’ve had 2 c-sections and you are actively encouraged to get up and walk around the labour ward as soon as the spinal wears off. Getting outside will be good for her mental health too.

Stock up on paracetamol and ibuprofen but other than that you don’t have to do anything differently than if your wife had a vaginal birth. Let her tell you what she needs.

This is a general point about having a new baby, not c section specific, but don’t add to her mental load and ask unnecessary questions.

i.e just make a note of when her next lot of painkillers are due/what type and just bring them with a glass of water. Don’t ask her if she’s due them if you know she is. Don’t ask if she wants them if you know she’s in pain. Don’t ask if she wants water with them and in what glass.

Just bring them with water.

even if she feels good don't let her go out of the house on a walk for at least 10 days ideally 14. My midwife and mum were super strict at the time it was annoying now I am greatful as I healed PERFECTLY.

I also healed perfectly despite going out for lunch on day 2 following an emcs. Movement is important post surgery.

Crikey, DO NOT stay in the house for 14 days. You're much better off physically and mentally to be moving around. I was already well on my way down with PND by then and staying inside would have exacerbated this no end.

Okay willing to accept maybe I got awful advice 🥴🤷‍♀️

My midwife got quite cross with me when I wanted to go for a walk (this was in 2022!) and told me to go walk in the garden if I really needed to!!!

You sound lovely and supportive. Perhaps you could do some batch cooking now so that you're also not overwhelmed too. Plus you also should have a break. Can you draft in a family member or a close friend to be on hand for a few hours whilst you do something for you (even if that is sleep!)

Just be guided by her. I had my leg up on the sink in the hospital bathroom shaving my legs on day 2, I didn’t need a pillow for the seatbelt (as per the other thread currently going on winter coats that sounds very dangerous if you had a crash) and could lift my babies easily. I did not want to do the dishwasher or laundry because of the bending and twisting. I was also very happy to get a break from the baby and cook dinner! Listen and let her tell you what she does/doesn’t need, but of course that applies regardless of how she delivers.

even if she feels good don't let her go out of the house on a walk for at least 10 days ideally 14. My midwife and mum were super strict at the time it was annoying now I am greatful as I healed PERFECTLY.
Just want to say though, shockingly bad advice! I barely saw any midwives- only the consultants, HCAs and as in standard in my hospital the women’s physio and they all said GET ACTIVE!