Early pregnancy miscarriage fears

[eloh]

So I'm 23 and about 6 weeks along, never been pregnant before in my life so everything is new. We were actively trying but only for about a week so it was a big surprise it happened that early, I thought there would be more trying in the "trying" stage but we were over the moon nonetheless. I found out at 4 weeks and to be honest the time since has been the most terrifying and lonely experience ever. I knew nothing about pregnancy beforehand, so was shocked to discover I wouldn't get my booking appointment til new year, then first ultrasound in January. I haven't been seen by anyone at all and it's been making me feel so nervous, I know that's normal but it's just not what I was expecting.

My mum had a silent miscarriage before I was born. I've read similar horror stories online of people not knowing their baby was dead and still having symptoms and positive tests.
I am crying about 20 times a day, I can't relax, I'm waking up multiple times a night and just lying there unable to breathe. I booked a private early scan but that's still more than 2 weeks away and all I can think about is "it's probably dead in there right now".

I have a history of severe anxiety, agoraphobia, and panic disorders which I previously had treated with blood pressure medication and sedatives. I had been off all medication for almost 2 years before getting pregnant, and had mostly made a full recovery. It feels like being pregnant has just reset all progress I made. I can't go an hour without full on sobbing, I'm having massive emotional meltdowns at work, and when I'm not crying I just feel lifeless and empty.

Is there anything I can do now for reassurance? That's all I want, is to know everything is okay. I tried to phone my gp yesterday to see if I could get a sick line from work, because my stress is clearly through the roof at the moment, but they had no available appointments until next month (cue another big meltdown at that news) though I may try again when their lines open this morning.

Me and my partner are considering trying to bring our private scan forward if possible.

Any advice for handling this would be greatly appreciated.

I’m so sorry to hear that it’s causing you such anxiety. I too have had my worries, but not to the level you are describing. I think you need to push and see your GP for some additional support. The additional anxiety and stress won’t be good for you or your baby. You could also call the midwife line for your area even if you haven’t had an appointment, I am sure they will want to help and signpost you to support. Look after yourself, sending you support and love on this journey! 💕

You need to see your gp urgently.
bring your scan forward a week too, if you’re sure of your dates. But don’t go before week 7, because you might not see anything and that won’t help. However after you’ve seen the scan, you’ll get some relief but then it will start again if you don’t manage it. So you need to try plan for that now. Unless you’re going to get weekly or daily scans, which would cost a fortune.
i think the hormones can really rock anyone, and the uncertainty is scary. I think you have to accept the uncertainty
it’s not in your control. I know that’s easier said than done. So sorry you’re experiencing this op

I would also say, whilst Miscarriages and MMC in particualr are talked about a lot on here, the odds are less than 50:50 if you haven't had one before so it's more likely to be OK.

If you read on here it can feel like everyone has had a MMC but that isn't the case, just no one posts saying they haven't had one if that makes sense.

Sorry you're feeling so anxious, rest assured you aren't the only one! Just try to take it day by day and think 'today I am pregnant!' and you don't have to worry about anything unless you have pain or bleeding. But definitely see your GP for the anxiety, and if you can bring your scan forward, I saw the heartbeat for mine at 5 weeks so you never know....

Everyone's replies have honestly helped, I think sometimes what I need is to be brought back to reality a bit. I've been given a week off work, a GP appointment and a lot of hugs from my partner. Thank you all of you x