hosting in laws while pregnant

[Ebonythoughts]

Hi all,

So I’m around 30 weeks pregnant and my husband and I don’t live in the same city as either of our parents. I’m planning to have the baby in the city my parents live at and we’ll stay there for about a month after as it’s cultural tradition for first babies. My in laws are planning on coming to visit in a months times when I’m around 35 weeks and my mother in law and sister in law want to stay with us for a week or two to visit and spend time with us before I go to the other city.

I love my mother in law but can be quite fussy and likes to have things done for her and I already feel really heavy and tired. My sister in law and I don’t get on and she is really judgmental but she is my husband’s twin and they adore each other. I really hoped to just rest and relax in the final month as I start mat leave and really dreading having to be on my feet and host while they’re here to entertain and host. I don’t want to be rude and say I’d rather no one visits in the final month when I know I’ll be at my parents the first month after the birth (even though they’ll be visiting there too)… but it’s giving me real anxiety to think about it.

Any advice?

I think you need to be very clear with your DH: say 1 week is enough, and your ILs and he will need to be doing all the cooking, bed changing etc. Then work out how to say this to them.

Have your husband 'host' them rather than you. Just tell him that you're heavily pregnant and unable to do normal hosting duties, so if he wants the visit he'll have to make sure his mother and sister are fed, have drinks, entertained etc and be responsible for the extra household duties/chores hosting them entails.

Came on to say the above.

if your DH wants them to stay that’s fine, but he hosts. That included sorting beds, food and making sure he is around as much as possible to entertain them.

is there any reason they need to stay that long? Can they not do a long weekend eg Thursday or Friday to Monday?

A week is too long when you’re pregnant unless they are looking after you (sounds unlikely from what you’ve said) or your DH takes the week off.

What has he said about it, @Ebonythoughts ?

I don't see a problem with it personally. I still change beds do the housework, cook dinner I'm 37/38 weeks. My back isn't great and I hardly sleep at night but I'm very much a get on with it type of person. I have a stool in the kitchen to sit on while cooking dinner when my back can't take anymore 😂 need help just ask your husband or in-laws surely ?

@OnAir that's great for you, but OP feels anxious about it and is experiencing pregnancy differently from you. I'm on my third pregnancy and it's very different from my first two, so there can be different experiences for the same person, let alone different people!

@Ebonythoughts is there any chance you can send a cheeky message along the lines of 'thank you for offering to come and look after me, MIL! I'll barely be able to move so it will be much appreciated!' This is the sort of thing I'd dream about but not sure I'd actually do 😂

I'm only 26 weeks but cooking and changing sheets is already getting difficult. Speak your DH. He'll be the one running around after them if they need that level of care!

Tell your DH that he hosts or they don’t come.

Get your husband to do it. There's no reason why he can't.
Unless you think that your MIL will think it's unreasonable for a man to do housework and cooking and she will voice her opinions and make you feel uncomfortable.

@Thankyouthankyoujellybean

I knew that the that's great for you comments would start rolling in. Let's face it pregnancy is different for everyone every time. I've found my second a hell of a lot harder than my first, but I did say personally ie my opinion, I don't think there's anything wrong with visitors heavily pregnant.

What about your husband? Why isn't he taking on the bulk of the entertaining seeing that these are his relatives and he's not pregnant? We've going to see the in laws for Christmas but I know my DH will be doing all the cleaning, washing up, helping out and I'll just get to put my feet up.

Well you’ll still be at work in the day time by then surely? So it’s just the evenings you’ll need to host. So make your husband do all the hosting and take yourself off for early nights while they are there.
Its either that or tell them they can’t come

Thank you all. I did speak to my DH about it and we are both concerned with the length of time because he can’t take time off work. I have a disability and the bigger I get with the pregnancy the more difficult mobility is for me and to be honest emotionally, I really would rather just rest and have a break than host. I’m an introvert and as much as I respect and love my in laws it takes it out of me when I spend too much time with them let alone have them sleep over. I’ve asked my husband to check and see how long they plan to stay and just and nudge gently for it to be a weekend so he can host them. If they came to help after the baby is here I would mind but right now, I can manage with the house on my own it’s the hosting guests I’d rather not do towards the end of pregnancy. I was looking forward to starting maternity leave so I can just relax.

fingers crossed they don’t get offended by the suggestion of just a weekend.