Why do I feel like this?

[Nervy188]

I am really struggling at the moment.
Me and my partner discussed, planned and wanted a baby. I never knew if I would but I found the right person and after 10 years we both felt ready. I loved the idea of having my own child to take care of and move into a new chapter of life. We have a great relationship and financial security.

Since becoming a reality and being pregnant, I feel a complete sense of dread and that I’ve made a huge mistake, everything inside me is telling me I can’t do this and I should just keep my easy going life.
I cry most days and can’t be bothered with things.
I just want to go back in time and have this not happen at all.
I don’t understand why I suddenly feel like this.
i want so desperately to enjoy it and just trust it will all be ok. I have a wonderful, supportive partner who is very excited.
I feel so disconnected, like I just want to forget about it and get on with my life but that’s awful and I hate myself. I hate talking about it and feel like I’m talking about someone else when I have to engage in conversation about it.
I have an assessment with the perinatal team soon but I’m scared they will say these feelings are awful and not normal.
I am basically a huge mess :(

Is any of this even slightly normal or am I just trying to make myself feel better by thinking some of it could be normal? Help :(

Pregnancy hormones are through the roof! You can do this, and it will be ok! Try and speak to your partner and gp/midwife.

Sorry, just seen you have the assessment. They won't say any of that. They're there to support you x

Pregnancy hormones can really make you feel awful, they are incredibly powerful. I started to feel more like myself again at about 11 weeks but it is different for everyone. Your midwife will understand if you have a chat with them about it.

I think it’s normal to a degree. I remember feeling some of those feelings with #1. I’m pregnant with #2 now and I keep questioning why….? Why am I doing this? I sort of regret it on some levels (finally felt back to normal, I know how much effort it is, had a good life why am I upending it again, fear of giving birth) but I also don’t regret it at the same time (always planned a second, not getting any younger, now or never).

I think if it’s becoming all consuming and a huge focus of your days, it could be prenatal depression.

prenatal team won’t think you’re awful. Not for a second. Think for a minute why prenatal mental health teams exist? Because 1000s of women suffer with poor mental health while pregnant each year and they need help. The team will literally just assess if you need help, how much and why using a proven framework. They’re professionals, they’re 100% used to talking with people who feel like you do. They will literally assess whether you’re on the “normal worries/a bit hormonal end of the spectrum, or whether you need extra support and help. And ideally get to the bottom of why that might be. Might that be a MH Midwife to chat to about your concerns, antidepressants or talking therapy etc.

and even if you do need the extra support, just remember the brain is just another organ. It might be that you need a bit of help with that like another mother needs help with generational diabetes, or liver problems— it is all normal. Nobody is going to think you’re bad and you’re awful. Not even remotely.

I actually was honesty at a consultant Appt a few months back and admitted I had some terrible anxiety, which was keeping me awake at night. She had a chat with me, arranged a birth debrief for me, And I spoke with a midwife, and I felt like a weight had been lifted. I am so pleased I didn’t just keep it to myself (as I normally do!)

good luck with your assessment.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. As others have said, it’s due to all the hormones that are flooding your system and is perfectly normal for many women at the beginning of pregnancy.

I felt awful for about 6 weeks, both physically and mentally, including the dread you mention. I didn’t realize how low I’d gotten until I started to feel better at around 12-14 weeks.

My advice is to let your partner and midwife know how you’re feeling so they can support you, and know that this stage will pass!

I remember this feeling

I remember saying I felt like a teenager, just hopeless and I'd sob, I think it is hormonal

Thank you everyone.
I am just so confused as to why I feel like this now (for a while but have been pushing through as much as possible)
It’s like the world is about to end or something even though so many women do this every day.
I have spoken to my partner about how I feel and he is trying his best to support me but I can tell he is finding it tough and getting frustrated, which I understand.
Im really trying to focus on my assessment appointment.
My biggest fear is that they will listen to what I say and tell me that it’s clear I don’t want this pregnancy, then my relationship is ruined and I don’t know what I’d do. All our families know already and are happy :( just feels all so consuming right now.
I am already 13 weeks so I was pinning a lot of hope on feeling better by now :(

I'm so sorry to hear you feel like this, I also know how much it floors you when that's your reaction and you don't expect it.

I spent 5 years planning Fertility treatment, had delays due to covid and age, did 3 failed IUIs, 1 failed IVF and fell pregnant on 2nd IVF... For the first 2 days after testing I couldn't move off the sofa, could barely eat I was just wracked with regret/worry/anger at myself that I wasn't happy with my easy going life/all the time I'd spent trying to get to this and now not being happy....those feelings are brutal and do linger. I also think when you want it so much and try so hard for it there's such a pressure to be chuffed and so happy but the hormones absolutely play rife with your body and the lack of sleep, even to send a sane person nuts. Be kind to yourself and seek support, you won't be judged. I reached out on a different forum when I felt how I did, I was just appalled by my own feelings and so many people reassured me it's normal.

Good luck x

Yes yes yes, so normal! And so much more than just hormones. You’re facing huge change, and a change you can’t predict, and whilst that change can be amazing and beautiful, our brains tend to focus on the risk.

Be kind to yourself, it’s okay to feel all the different feelings (and not just because of hormones). I felt all these things in my first (and again in my current)! And yes there has been so many changes and life is different and there are things I miss AND I’m so glad I did it.

This happened to me. I was desperate for a baby but my partner wasn't ready, then he was ready and we conceived within about 5 months.

My first overwhelming feeling when I first realised I was pregnant was panic, dread and regret. My first thought was "oh my god what have we done". However, after being around friends babies, looking at things we could buy the feeling has completely disappeared and now we are so excited- it almost feels like that initial dread feeling never actually happened!

However, you must tell your midwife if you feel like this- they are there to support you. Women go through so much physically and mentally when we are pregnant, it doesn't mean you are going to be a bad mum or that you won't love your baby- it just means that you have feelings and you are going through a lot of changes right now.

Don't suffer in silence- there are so many people out there to help you in a complete non-judgemental way.

Thank you so much for your replies.
I am really sorry to hear so many of you have felt the same, but it is also nice to hear I am not alone.
I feel awful for just wanting to go back to pre pregnancy and have this not happen. I have mentioned this to my partner and he got upset because he thinks I mean i wish I hadn’t done this with him specifically which is not the case at all, I’m now trying to be careful with the way I word things.
What if I just don’t want this? What if my thoughts don’t go away, surely I can’t just sit and assume I will change at some point? its all so scary and confusing 😔

I heard someone say that after a break up you think of all the reasons you could or should have stayed and so what can help is making a list of all the reasons you made the decision and it can’t possible work! this is almost like the opposite 😂 but same principle!

Maybe think of the reasons why you wanted to have a child in the first place and know that both sides can be true at once - it can be both scary and have things you don’t want, and exciting with things you do!

Thank you. That actually twigged something in my brain, I hadn’t thought that I can look forward to the good things, but also know that there will inevitably be some things I don’t like, as with most things. I’m not allowed to think of any positives atm apparently according to my brain 😂
Thank you about writing stuff down. I will do that!