How did you process a MMC?

[Wojies]

Hello everyone,

My first post here and sadly it's to explore how others processed a MMC. My husband went for a scan at the EPAU today for a check up after a bleed 2 weeks ago and following that bleed we had a scan and a heart beat was confirmed. We went back today for a check up and we were told we'd had a MMC. I would have been 8 weeks tomorrow. It was our first after trying for a year and as older parents (I'm 37 F, husband is 39 M).

We are obviously devastated as we (foolishly?) weren't expecting it. We've been in shock all day and carried on working as trying to explain the need for space felt too soon. Tonight we decided to lean into the grief and have been playing sad songs and allowing ourselves to feel all the feels.

We know they weren't meant to be ours and we feel encouraged that we know we can get pregnant. It's brought us closer and given us both reassurance that we can overcome the hard days together. It's both a day of great sadness but deep happiness to have each other, knowing we are both navigating this loss.

I'd love to hear how others healed during this period, and how you you found your strength.

Our go to song has been "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World. Please feel free to share your songs too ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss I think all you can do is whatever feels important right now. For me, it felt important to buy new underwear to replace the ones that got ruined from bleeding (which happened about a week after my MMC was diagnosed). It seemed like such an odd thing to become fixated on but it did really help once I’d bought new ones. You just need to take care of yourself and do whatever comes naturally x

I am so sorry to hear that you’ve both experienced this. I found this a really tough experience. We planted a tree. I couldn’t let the little one go unmarked. I took it very badly and found it very hard to process. I was 41 and felt the pressure of the clock ticking. I finally had my DD at the age of 45! You’re really not old OP 😊
Just be kind to yourself and do what makes you happy, whether it’s music, underwear, wine or running. Sending you both best wishes. I am so sorry for your loss.

Honestly time! Nothing heals like time. Allow yourself to grieve and feel every emotion needed. I still wear a necklace with the scan photo everyday and I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my next child, but ill never forget that baby I lost.

My song was Taylor swift bigger than the whole sky.

I also found sharing the news, made my baby feel more real and my feelings more valid. The amount of people that had experienced it around me was insane! But they're usually the ones who know how to speak to you and look out for you. Often those who haven't experienced it say the wrong thing sadly.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

I just went back to work, booked the d&c and took a morning off for that but was working by the afternoon. I don't like dwelling and felt being busy helped. I still think about the little blob I saw on the screen but I'm pretty stoical about it. What will be will be kind of thing.

The worst thing was that it was my 2nd pregnancy and I felt I'd started to show so it was the miserable journey of losing 'baby' weight that was the worst for the next few months.

We have found that what has helped us the most has been the number of people coming out and saying that they have had the same experience. We had never heard of MMC so we felt very alone in our experience. Both within our circle of friends and work colleagues we know now that we are far, far from alone and reading these forums makes this even clearer. Sad fact but it appears to be all too common.

How far along were you?