Will it be too late?

[florapalum]

Hi!
Hoping someone might be able to advise.

DS is 3 in February.

We always planned for a second, but health reasons of mine is making it unwise to have another baby until DS is school age. DS attends nursery at the moment, as I can't have him on my own full time.
If we had another baby once he was at school, then there would only be one lot of nursery fees (if I felt I needed the new child needed to be there) as DS would be at school.

But will it be too late by then?
DS will be starting school in Sept 2025.
I will be 38 by then.
Is it too late?
Is 39 too late if it doesn't happen right away?
I'm scared about leaving DS to navigate this world alone, I know what it means to not have much family. He'll likely have no cousins either.
If you were in my shoes, would you? And if so, when would you start trying?

Also, is having a school attending child really so much easier that I'd be able to cope?
Also, there may be no more nursery fees once he's in school, but that doesn't mean there aren't loads of new costs to contend with!

Thanks! :-)

i’m guessing you don’t live in london or close proximity?

My kids have an almost 5 year age gap and I find it works really well. DS goes off to school and that gives me time with DD. I don't think 38/39 is too old! People have babies well into their 40s nowadays. You'll be grand

Hi OP what health issues do you have if you don’t mind me asking? And in a nutshell, no I don’t think it’s too late at all. Due to a health issue which cropped up for me last year my son turns 4 in a few weeks and I have only just started trying for DC2. I turned 36 in August 😀

Near Northamptonshire, why?

because you wouldn’t be asking the question if you did!

you know people have children in their late 30s.
and people have much larger age gaps.
so…too late for what?

Okay, what are you referring to?

I'm worried I will struggle to conceive/have a high risk pregnancy/miscarriage etc. I don't know anyone who's had a baby at 39 or 40.
Really unsure about it.

Ideal is referring to the fact that in many areas, particularly London, lots of women are trying for their first at that age, so they certainly wouldnt be asking if they were too past it to have a second.

no one here can tell you if it’s too old for you. The risks are higher but there are risks either way and a quick look on MN will show you lots of women having healthy pregnancies and children at that age.
no one except a dr can tell you about your personal fertility.

I'm 38 and expecting my first

What the other poster is referring to is , it's extremely common around London for women late 30s 40s to be expecting their first . It's the normal

Oh. I didn't know that. So, 39/40 is not such a big deal? I don't know anyone who's had a baby that late you see.

Congratulations :-)

My second was born the month after my eldest started school it actually worked well
-she didn't feel jealous or pushed out and she was old enough to understand why baby needs more attention
-I could do baby and toddler classes with youngest
-they still play together now they're 3 and 7
-they adore each other still argue occasionally but share lots of cuddles and kisses too
-it works well when we go to a big soft play or playground as my eldest will look after her little sister as she is old enough and sensible enough that I can leave them to it!

I would say the vast majority of mums in my child’s class at school, all seemed to become mothers in their 40s.

Also, I’m 44 and just found out I was pregnant! (Unplanned/accident). My mother had my sibling in her 40s. And both my maternal and paternal grandmothers had twins in their 40s!

It is really not uncommon at all. Esp as you didn’t seem to have issues getting pregnant before, I think you should be fine.

Good luck!

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Please ignore the above Taylor Swift gif. No idea how I ended up posting it.

To answer this thread, I'm 36 and expecting my first. I doubt I'll be younger than 39 for my second. This is normal for where I live (around London), as many women will focus on their careers, becoming financially stable and (often) marriage before kids.

It may be too late but every woman is different. If you can afford it, it might be worth getting fertility MOT to put your mind at rest. It helped us plan a few years ago. You might also want to look into taking ubiquinol from now to help with egg quality. I intend to restart it after this pregnancy.

No experience with this as a mother as I only plan on having one, but I have a younger brother who is 6 years younger than me.

I'd say as long as you don't use the older child for childcare when they're older, go for it. I was old enough to help out and he adored me when he was young and I could help with homework etc too when he was school age. I was a fully formed child so not a total nightmare dealing with 2 toddlers or anything. I was also a bit more independent and had friends to play with, so didn't need as much 1 on 1 attention as a younger child would.

As for age, It's very common for people to wait until their 30s or even 40s to have kids now. My mum was 42 when she had my brother and that was in 1996.

I live in Oxfordshire and it’s common place to have babies well into your 40s